There’s certainly cases where both parties might be wrong and wronged. One parent may make a parenting mistake that really is wrong, but the other parent may correct that mistake in a manner that undermines the other’s authority.

Rarely is negative feedback delivered perfectly. If we want to we can always dwell on the poor job our spouse did in delivering negative feedback. Or we can correct and move forward.

Some fights might fall more into a gray area, I think, where both partners feel they’ve been wronged by the other. I can’t think of any specific examples, but I’m sure this is the case.

How often when we’re confronted with our own mistakes, even when we’re dead wrong, do we instead focus on how the negative feedback was presented?

In this case, not meaning to pick on Alisa since I think most of us do this, but it was much more satisfying (“pleasant” seems incorrect) to dwell on how Alisa’s husband reaction was out of proporion and what that meant rather than that he behavior was pretty crummy.

Oh, and the fighting. My husband and I truly don’t have big knock down drag out fights like some people do, but I do have these kind of fights with myself more often than I care to admit! Mine seem to happen mostly when we decide we are going to go out for dinner or over to some friends of something like that….and then, my husband has one too many beers….and then we get in bed and he snores before I fall asleep, or sometimes, he gets up and forgets which direction the bathroom is and I have to redirect him (this is my favorite) and then he goes right back to bed and I lay there and think, “Did I really marry this guy?” or when I was pregnant I would think, “Did I really make another baby with HIM?” It is all so crazy! And then the next day, after I sleep I get up and poke a little fun at him for being a weirdo and love him all over again….excpet he is rested and I am tired because I had a fight it my mind all night.

You call that a fight? My hubby and I have knockdown, drag out fights. That was just a minor upset communication you and your hubby had. LOL!!!

But you’re right – it’s hard not to go down that dark and lonely path of negative thinking. And I’m glad you and your hubby worked things out so nicely and easily. What went on in your head, is your deal and truly not his. I’ve had to learn that one lesson myself. What my imagination can conjure up is not who my hubby is.

to MarthaandMe – I’ve been known to call my hubby when he’s late and ask him “do you know where your wife is?”. It goes over much better than me saying “why haven’t you called, I’ve been worried about you!”.