17 Deep Thoughts
AKA
This Post Has No Point, But I Felt Like Writing It Anyway
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Beauty is relative.
Over the weekend, while at an aquarium, I noticed a number of people who were filming and photographing the sea creatures inside the various tanks. Some of these people seemed to have one eye permanently glued to either a camera or a camcorder. It made me wonder: In order to capture the experience on camera, were they missing out on experiencing the fish in the moment? If you never truly were present in the moment, can you relive an experience later on by looking at a picture of that moment?
- Generally, I think it’s best to observe nature in nature. I like to see birds outside, and not in cages, for instance. It’s more exciting that way. When you catch a glimpse of a rare bird flying overhead, you feel special, as if the universe has just smiled your way. When you see one in a cage? Not so much. One exception: Jellyfish. When I see them in the ocean or lying dead on a beach, I think, “Ick. Yuk. Stay away! Not going near THAT.” When I see them in an aquarium tank, though, I think they are the most beautiful creatures on the planet.
- I really wanted to enter Tracy O’Connor’s Scary Product Contest at I Hate My Message Board. Unfortunately, I’ve been rather busy lately, so I never got around to finding a scary product. I tried to find one on the Internet just now, and I thought I came across the perfect thing until I read the contest rules more closely and discovered that I had to take a photo of the product and then post that photo on my blog. There was no way I could get the product delivered in time to take the photo. Lesson learned: Sometimes the difference between winning and losing has nothing to do with how one plays the game and everything to do with how much one procrastinates.
- About that scary product contest, I need to say this. Apparently I’m close-minded when it comes to artwork. In fact, I think this artist is in dire need of a sex life.
- I’ve heard people joke that some of the things we swallow accidentally (thinking of flies and other small bugs) or not-so accidentally (thinking of a man’s life force) have “protein.” But I think this cookbook is taking things a step too far. And, yes, this was my runner up entry for the scary product contest.
- I haven’t eaten a candy corn in about 30 years, mostly because it has been about that long since I’ve been trick or treating. I also have never considered candy corn to be a true food. No amount of false advertising in the world would be able to convince anyone that these things do anything remotely beneficial for the human body. When I inspected the label for a box of candy corns, I found that these things are composed entirely of sugar, corn syrup and food coloring. You might think that this knowledge would have stopped me from breaking my Non Candy Corn Eating Streak. You would think wrong. Not only is my blood sugar somewhere above 400 at the moment, but I can also add candy corns to the following list of foods that I’ve recently rekindled a love for: corn chips, cheese puffs, and macaroni and cheese. Parenting will do this to a woman.
- Today’s children are just as likely to take a liking to the song YMCA as children did 35 years ago, even though they have no idea who the Village People are or what they look like.
- If you are going to have lentils for dinner, you really ought to make sure your bed partner has lentils, too.
- I read in Psychology Today that most people think of themselves as kind, even though the people around them might see them as anything but. That notion made me stare at the ceiling for quite a while, thinking of the few people who I’ve, at one time or another, decided were worthy of rotting in hell. Could it be possible that these people were really kind on the inside and just inept at showing that kindness on the outside?
- Sometimes I hear a song that I haven’t heard in years. The song will trigger a memory of the last time I heard that song. Often, what I remember is something incredibly monotonous and boring. It’s the type of memory that no human brain has any business keeping stored. Keeping such memories stored in my brain is like putting blank photos in a photo album. They just waste space—space that could better be used for other things, I think. I wonder if this is why I sometimes can’t remember important things—like which airport I should go to so I can catch my departing flight. Maybe my brain’s hard drive is so packed full of dumb and boring memories that it doesn’t have any space left for the newer, more important memories. For instance, why do I still remember the time, during high school, when I went through the McDonald’s Drive Thru and ordered a fries and a shake while “She’s Crafty” was playing on the radio? Why can’t I delete that memory so I can make more space for the important ones? That’s what I’d like to know.
- What causes ink pens to explode inside of purses? I’ve often wondered.
- How does Santa gather up all of the wish lists from all of the kids in the world? My 5 year old would like to know. The answer, “I don’t know. It’s magic” didn’t cut it. By the way, she no longer wants to be a racecar driver when she grows up. Now she wants to be one of Santa’s elves.
- How come you always have an annoying amount of spare change when you don’t need it, but you never have a quarter handy when your kid wants to play that stupid claw game that seems to populate the entryway of every single diner in America? And is it really possible to nab a stuffed animal with the claw, or is the entire game just a cruel trick designed to make parents look incompetent in front of their beloved children?
- Why do so many people worry about keeping their floor mats clean? Aren’t the floor mats the things that are supposed to keep stains off the floor? The same goes for tablecloths and placemats.
- When I allow myself to think of the Earth as this small blue planet that is part of a solar system that’s part of a galaxy that is one small part of a humongous universe, I nearly have a panic attack. Does this happen to anyone else?
- Why are we all so embarrassed by bodily functions when bodily functions are among the few things that we all have in common? Everyone poops. No one likes to do it in a public restroom. Why is that?
- I didn’t want the last few lines of my post to be about poop, so I added a seventeenth thought even though I didn’t really have one. That probably says something about me, but I’m not sure what that is.
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Tags: deep thoughts
October 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Thats funny. I have many of the same thoughts but I don’t think that I have been bored enough to write them down. Not only that, I don’t really think people would look at that as having a healthy mind since I am not a writer, nor do I have a blog. But you pull it off and I really like your random blogs.
October 29th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Oh thank you for this post – I needed some good laughs!
(1) I agree, I think a lot of photographers miss out on the actual stuff they are taking a picture of. Some are good at balancing, some are just annoying and actually ruin the moment for others! (2)Totally agree! (4/5) These people have way too much time on their hands! (6) Thank goodness these only come out once a year because the sugar high after eating half a bag is outrageous!
Andi´s last blog ..Asterix and Obelix turn 50
October 29th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I’m just saying…when you gotta go…you gotta go!
October 29th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Oh my god, #4 just about made my week. Thanks!
October 29th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I love a blog with no point. But amazingly enough, you made several points to ponder.
I agree – the sperm art and the sperm cookbook are both just too gross. You gotta wonder, can you get AIDS from eating food made from sperm. I just can’t see how it is truly all that healthy.
I’m with you on memories that we don’t need anymore. I remember handicap code for bathrooms and the amount of asbestos that does not require haz-mat to come and despose of it (in California). Why? I don’t need that information in my head anymore. Also, why bad memories, why can’t my head be chalk full of good memories. I know I have some, but the bad ones seem to hog all the space. And with the change coming, my memory is in dire need of a thorough hosing out so I can keep track of where I put my glasses, since I can’t see them 10 feet away from me.
I don’t think about #15. I’d get a headache for certain. That is just far too much information for me to grasp. LOL!!!
Ask your daughter what she thinks about Santa getting all those lists from all those kids. I used to reverse questions on my daughter all the time. God knows I didn’t have the answers. But she had them, even if it wasn’t the “truth”. Example: the sky is blue because it’s pretty or it’s better than green, etc.
#16 – I wish more people had that opinion about not pooping in public restrooms. I have the nose of a bloodhound, and I don’t like the smell of other’s poop. Sorry, just saying.
#9 – I tell people I’m NOT NICE just so they aren’t surprised when I’m having a bad day and am bitchy. And then when I am nice, they are pleasantly surprised. LOL!!! (Yes, twisted sense of humor.)
Great blog. Light and fun. Just what I needed tonight. Thanks!!!
October 29th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
#15 – YES!!! When I think of myself in this world, kind of the “why am I here” or “do I really exist,” it freaks me out! The only other thing that can cause me this much panic… thinking about what it will feel like after I die… especially the thought of just ceasing to exist (if there’s no afterlife). FREAKS ME OUT!!!
Love the rest of the list. I also agree with #16… makes me giggle.
October 29th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
You know what makes me faint? Not literally fall down faint, but light headed and woozy and feeling like I want to cry? Thinking about the blood in my body and how it circulates and that’s about as far as I can go with this comment because I have a huge lump in my throat now and want my mommy.
October 29th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Kathy–your public restroom comment had me snorting. Just worded perfectly to generate a great amount of laughter.
Tracy–crap, your comment just made me think about my heart and how it never stops beating. Like it never gets a break, not even during sleep. For the past 39 years, it’s been beating and beating and beating. And my lungs have been breathing all of that time, too. How do these organs do it? Don’t they just get burned out? They don’t need my help at all in order to do their job? That freaks me out… that they don’t need my help. Crazy, eh? I guess I must have control issues.
October 29th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Here, I’ll re-cycle my Thought 4 the day: Have you ever wondered if the bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack? If not, you’re wondering now.
October 29th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
BTW, nice post, noodles!
Jason´s last blog ..My Boxed Life
October 29th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
“How does Santa gather up all of the wish lists from all of the kids in the world? My 5 year old would like to know. The answer, “I don’t know. It’s magic” didn’t cut it. By the way, she no longer wants to be a racecar driver when she grows up. Now she wants to be one of Santa’s elves.”
santa hires the November and December Postmen and women to work for him.
and every one does poop… there’s a book about that… have you seen it. your daughter would love it. mine does! (http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops-My-Body-Science/dp/192913214X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256872528&sr=8-1)
Iofte wonder too if I am missing out on the real stuff by making sure my parents and inlaws adn everyone on facebook and myspace has photos of my adventures. liek the other night she was singin g her heart out, and i got the camera and was watching my daughter throught the camera screen , even though she was standing 4 feet away. (btw – it is hillarious, if you skip forwar to the 3rd mintue, you can catch the farting scene where she stops, lets it rip, and picks right back up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KB-wHuI2Elg)
I do enjoy your posts alisa, even the so called “pointless” ones
October 29th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Alisa, You are so funny and honest – love it! And my goodness, the cookbook and the art you mentioned – yup – yikes!
October 30th, 2009 at 9:05 am
#15 – yes if I think about that, it scares the you know what out of me. #1 we went on a whale watch years ago and I spent so much time trying to get a photo of the whale when it surfaced that I never actually really experienced it.
October 30th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Alisa, I was so “I’m not sure what” with number 4 that I had to post it on Twitter and give you credit for finding it. Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. And Jason, thanks to your comment, now I will think about that. In fact, maybe I won’t hold any more bills again without getting out the rubber gloves first. Uh, thanks?
Jackie Dishner´s last blog ..Slow down, world.
October 30th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
This made me laugh so hard, Alisa. Thank you!
October 31st, 2009 at 10:01 am
Thanks for writing down everything that was cluttering up a part of my brain, too…You have a way of putting it all down that is so funny, Alisa! But now you’ve gotten something into my brain that I just can’t shake: the semen recipes and art. Of all things…
Can you tell me WHY in the WORLD someone would do this?
ps…I know – it’s a rhetorical question.
November 8th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Now my brain’s about to explode.
You need an elf who will watch over your daughter and report directly to Santa–whether about wish lists or misbehavior: http://www.mountainx.com/ae/2007/edgy_mama_dont_piss_off_the_elves/.
Edgy Mama´s last blog ..Local beer news: can you say Cold Mountain?