Comments on: You Are Not Suffering Alone

By: Cameron

Cameron — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 01:19:40 +0000

For me, blogging is in some sense a release. I get to vent my emotions and feelings without hurting anyone. It’s like having my voice heard in the midst of all the chaos. Blogging also helps me to see the other side of common issues. You get to see how the topc affects others and what they did to remedy the situation. It’s almost theraputic and something I look forward to on a daily basis.

By: Maria

Maria — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 17:14:46 +0000

I think blogging is a very acceptable way to release some of our built up emotions I am a bit reluctant to blog as I feel alone alot as my marriage worsens i think it clamps me up even more i must say thats prob my husbands morals or lack of coming through me. I do just wish there was some very available help out there when we are in crisis someone that you can turn to.Alisa i love your websites blogs and outlook on life i too hope to be this free someday,as for now I continue to fight in quicksand.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 04:00:40 +0000

I’ve spent many hours wondering why women put on the face of “all is good” or “I’m fine”, when just by looking at them you know things aren’t “all good” and they sure aren’t “fine”. I’ve been searching for girlfriends that can be REAL. There are days that just absolutely suck. And I don’t like saying “I’m fine” when I’m NOT. I want girlfriends that will lay it on the line and admit they are having a hard time of it – kids, job, relationship, life. Whatever it is, spill the beans. One of us has probably been there and can help you through it. Or at least give you a shoulder to cry on. Or find something funny about the situation. Anything is better than the pat “I’m fine”.

We need to all get REAL. And then we need to say, “I did X and it made my life easier/better/less stressful” and share that with your friends.

Is it a generational thing? I have girlfriends in their 60s (I’m going into my late 40s), those gals are real and they are there to help each other no matter what the situation is – death, birth, basements flooding, etc. I love to be around these women (the live in another state so I don’t see them often) to watch and learn how great real girlfriends can be for each other. And I’ve gotten to help out during their times of need. It’s the best feeling to help a friend that needs that specific help you can offer at that time.

By: Jennifer Fink

Jennifer Fink — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:37:51 +0000

I absolutely agree. I wish we — as moms, as women, as wives — would admit to life as it is, instead of how we wish it would be. We feel so much stress b/c we assume that everyone around us has it all together, when in reality, everyone we see has his or her own issues and problems.

Life is beautiful, but it’s NOT all good — and that’s OK.

By: DKC

DKC — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:01:10 +0000

My kids are grown and I agree with Candace. Express your problem in a constructive way, and either seek a solution or learn acceptance. I find that if I stay in a negative state of mind it overflows into other areas of my life as well. Pretending? No, I don’t agree with that, but sinking into a pit of negativity isn’t good either. It’s all about balance and that’s why we need at least one supportive person in our lives and blogs like this one to uplift us.

By: Deborah Aldridge

Deborah Aldridge — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:14:45 +0000

AMEN! I have a son who was a demon child. He has since grown up to be a wonderful man, but for many years, it was a nightmare no mother could have ever imagined…or so I thought. I felt like the worst mother ever, and was convince no one else was going through what I went through. So I just started venting in a now defunct blog, anonymously, about what I was going through and how it made me feel. This was years before anyone had heard of SEO or making money on blogs. My little anonymous blog was getting 300-500 hits a day from parents who had gone through the same thing. That blog saved my sanity, my self-esteem, and probably my life, because I was suicidally depressed. I realized I was NOT a bad mother, and had in fact done everything within my power to save my son. The power of sharing is that you do find out you aren’t alone, and that can save your life. Thanks for this post. It means a lot to a great number of people.

By: Candace

Candace — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 13:43:05 +0000

While it may be initially comforting to find you are not alone, be very very careful of creating a negative cycle of conversation on these topics. Negativity feeds upon itself and magnifies problems rather than resolving them. Express your problem then seek a solution. Lift yourself and others around you up. It is a much healthier way to live.

By: Georgina

Georgina — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 13:29:07 +0000

I go back and read Alisa’s post, “I Might Die Today” when I start feeling overwhelmed and depressed about raising kids, marital problems, coping with life as a stay at home mother (when I’d rather be away from all of these short, cranky, perpetually sticky people that are populating my house right now.) Looking past all the surface woes and appreciating what’s right in front of you is hard and takes work but is a good way to snap out of what is most of the time a self-induced funk (for me anyway.)

I wonder if one of the beauties of blogging is that it is personal without getting too personal. Writing to a computer screen can be more comforting than having to look someone in the face and talk about your problems. And it can be more therapeutic – there’s none of that annoying give and take with another person when all you really want to do is vent and then can pick and choose when you’re ready to commiserate with other people.

By: Alisa Bowman

Alisa Bowman — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 01:56:11 +0000

Beth–I can’t tell you how high my anger levels goes when my daughter doesn’t stay in her room after bedtime. In our house, it’s known as “mean mommy.” Not proud of it, but it is what it is. I even talk about that part of myself as if it’s a personality, like, “We don’t want to see mean mommy tonight, do we?”

BTW: I don’t think you need to blog about these things (necessarily). More that it’s important to have friends/loved ones/someone who knows and accepts the real you. And that we all have more in common with our shortcomings and challenges than we often realize. So sorry to hear how supportive your family was after the ICU.

By: Beth

Beth — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 01:46:47 +0000

The real me? Has family problems that are truly fucked up. To the tune of five days after I exited the ICU after nearly dying giving birth to my daughter, my sister started screaming at me at a family gathering, my father appeared ready to join in, and now relations with the lot of them are, well, strained. My husband and I struggle to find an even keel and it’s harder now that I am “not well” than it has ever been. I love my children and at the same time I find myself hating them when (like right this second) they refuse to sleep and keep coming into my room disturbing me after they should have been asleep almost two hours ago.

Yeah, so that’s really not so good or maybe it is good because it’s real, but I can’t bring myself to blog about it because, well, I can’t.