Comments on: How to Recession-Proof Your Marriage: Part 3

By: DannyB

DannyB — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 19:17:08 +0000

It was interesting reading your take on this topic Alisa. My wife and I have been married about 7 years, and I currently make about 45% of the household income. $95,000 a year between the two of us.

I guess it would be nice to make more money than my wife, but it’s never really been something that we’ve really talked about. I would also assume that’s because we’ve both been steadily employed since we met, with no financial problems to worry about.

But I liked your suggestions for making your man feel like a man. My wife does all the same things to me. I carry anything heavy, kill any bug, and do generally anything that she finds unpleasant or gross. Even though I never say it, I guess I kind of like it that way. We both have our roles, and she’s the caretaker of the household. No kids yet.

By: Mollie S

Mollie S — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:19:07 +0000

I absolutely have no tolerance of a man unwilling or unable to support his own household financially. If he can’t even financially support the house he sleeps in at night, and the food he and his family eats and the bills he is generating, what is the point of having him there at all? Doesn’t an unwillingness to do what it takes to protect and provide for a family mean that he doesn’t care about the family? Seems selfish and lazy. And who would ever want that in a man? Sitting on a couch watching TV not making money? That’s what my kid does. Not a “man”.

By: PFC

PFC — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 15:22:45 +0000

While I am not married, my boyfriend and I have been together for about 12 years. We have no intention to marry, but consider ourselves committed as though we were. We have lived together for about 6 years. For the first 9+ years of our relationship I earned more money, contributed more financially, loaning him money, helping to pay for essentials and more. He worked sometimes, quit or was laid off a few times and spent a large chunk of the time we were together not working – basically watching TV and surfing the web during the day. Eventually he would feel like he needed to work again and bring in income, so would start looking.

I decided to leave my job about 3 years ago and launch my own company. Until the end of last year I had savings to support my own spending, and he began covering most of the household bills. It’s bothered me consistently as I was raised to ‘take care of myself’ and have had to work very hard not to be upset about letting him help cover me, even though I did it for him at times in the past (which friends and family continually remind me when I express upset about it).

It never once bothered me and I never considered him ‘less of a man’. I loved having the opportunity to help support him and our relationship, and am coming to a place of being pleased that it is being reciprocated (and less upset with myself for not taking care of it). I think it’s because he is an amazing person, with a great deal of integrity who is very much a man. It’s interesting to read an alternative perspective, and helped me to remember that we are all so very different, and just need to figure out what works for us and how to communicate that effectively.

Thanks for the wonderful series of posts Alisa – very thought provoking!

PFC

By: Chantal

Chantal — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 05:39:39 +0000

3 years ago my now husband, decided he wanted to quit his job and i supported his decision because all i ever wanted was for him to be happy and i was super woman who would do all the worrying. He did not work for a year and then the two years after made less than half his prior earnings. I never once mentionned to him he needed to get a second job to provide more financially and never told him we had major financial problems.

Today i am sitting here, one month living in my own apartment while he lives at his parents house. we sold our home and due to debt have nothing left and he could not deal with that which is why i am sitting here today responding to this post. I know he is depressed but everybody around him lives as though everything is the same. We have not talked in two weeks because the last time we spoke he just kept blamming me for our current situation and i told him, it is not the end of the world but relationships dont end as easily as he wants it to be and unless he wants to work on us, not to contact me anymore but it is still hard.

Anyway i made more money or the only money in the last 3 years and the 7 years prior he made more. I never once felt upset or frustrated at the time but do now for him not to have seen that putting me in charged OF EVERYTHING was not fair to me.

I love getting these post, each time i receive them i think of aspects of our relationship and understand certain things i never did before…thank you!