Project Happily Ever After

Like most people, I’m scared of public speaking. It’s a fear that’s been with me since High School, when my economics teacher required us all to give reports in front of the class. I was supposed to give a report about buying a house. My hands shook so badly that I could not read my notes. My voice came out as a squeak. I think I almost fainted. Part way through, my teacher told me that I could sit down. I didn’t need to finish. My performance was too painful to watch.

The next time I had to give a speech, it was during a history class and it was about Hitler. My mother offered me some of her Valium. I didn’t take it. I just shook, sweated and squeaked through my prepared material. When I finished, I walked back to my seat, my eyes toward the floor. There was silence. My classmates felt so sorry for me that they didn’t know how to react. I would have liked to have given up on public speaking, but it was a required course in college. That was one tough semester. Later, in business, I had to talk at meetings, facilitate meetings, and deliver various presentations. In order to remain gainfully employed, I took yet another public speaking course. This teacher literally brought me to tears. She didn’t have to ask me to sit down. I abandoned my mock speech halfway through, gave her as evil of an eye as I could manage through a torrent of tears, and walked out. I also gave her the worst course evaluation ever.

Like an albatross, though, public speaking seemed to follow me wherever I went. I was asked to teach courses and talk in front of the congregation at church. When I worked for Runner’s World magazine, I stood up on a stage in front of thousands of marathoners, instructing them on what to eat and when during the race. I even gave a talk at Arthur Andersen in New York. Each time I got up in front of a crowd, I was a little more in control of my nerves and somewhat better able to speak coherently.

Still, when Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia called and asked me to talk about marriage for its Guest Speaker Series, I just thought about one thing: that “How to Buy a House” speech I’d flubbed in High School. What if my voice shook? What if my mind went blank? What if no one laughed at my jokes? What if my heart started to race? What if someone argued with me? What if someone asked me about my credentials as a marriage expert?

Do you want to know what Mrs. Project did? I made a project out of learning how to give a speech. I googled public speaking and read every tip I could find. I wrote a speech and practiced it in front of a mirror every day for two weeks straight. The mirror didn’t laugh at my jokes, but it also didn’t heckle me either.

Still, the night before the speech, I was nervous. I knew 100 or more people would be in attendance. I told myself, “Look, if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. If you suck at this, you don’t have to do it anymore. This can be the last speech you ever deliver. You’re a good writer. You don’t have to be a good speaker, too.”

And then I got up on stage and I delivered a speech. People started laughing at the very first line. My voice remained even. My heart rate was normal. My palms didn’t sweat. My mind did not go blank.

I enjoyed myself, and the audience enjoyed me. I watched as people nodded along. I listened as they laughed.

And when, afterward, someone likened my speech to a stand up comedy routine, I thought, “If you only knew.”

To think I’d almost given up on myself. I’d almost told myself, “You can’t be a public speaker. You’re just not good at it.” In reality? I just needed to practice.

We tell ourselves that we aren’t good at so many things in life. Usually, however, we’re only not good at them yet. In the vast majority of situations, we can be good at everything we attempt, as long as we face our fear, put in the practice, and keep trying.

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This entry was posted on Monday, August 3rd, 2009 at 9:37 am and is filed under Happiness advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.