There is nothing you can’t do
Many of us have a mental list of things that we say we can’t do or are not good at. For instance, my list includes the following: light a charcoal grill, replace the hard drive on my computer, not curse when mired in severe crisis, consistently remember all of the things my daughter is supposed to tote back and forth to preschool, and climb Mt. Everest or anything just like it.
Thing is none of that is true. I’m sure I could light a charcoal grill if I had to. I mean, if I developed cravings for steak that were as strong as my cravings for chocolate and my husband was not around when one struck? I’m sure I’d figure it out.
Same with everything else on my “I can’t do that” list. I could do all of it if I really set my mind to it. I could even climb Everest. I might not live to tell about it, but I could do it. The only thing keeping me from the top of that mountain? I have no passion to try.
I realized this last night when I was watching an instructional video about installing WordPress plugins. Yeah, see? Just the phrase “WordPress plugins” is usually enough to get me to say, “Need to hire someone to take care of that.” But I’m taking a course that is supposed to teach me to become a better blogger. I’m supposed to do the lessons in a step-by-step format. The course teacher warned 689 billion times not to skip any lessons.
So when I got to the wordpress plugins lesson, I grumbled and complained, but I did press play on the video. After all, I might not be good at technology, but I am very good at following rules. I watched the video. You know what? It’s not all that hard to install a WordPress plugin. As I watched it, I actually had the thought, “If this is what tech guys do all day long, I can be a tech guy.” Yes, me! I had that thought. (Of course, I know tech guys do MUCH more than that. Right?)
Anyway, the point is this: we often think that we can’t do things that we really can do. We often think that we are not good at things that we can, eventually, become quite good at. We talk ourselves out of trying so, so, so many things because we are so afraid of failure and ridicule and of making an ass out of ourselves.
But you know what? Few if any baseball players hit the ball out of the park on their very first swing. Heck, most didn’t even hit the ball! Few if any pianists were born with the ability to play Chopin. Few if any mountaineers climbed Everest as their first mountain. No, they climbed many, many smaller mountains first. No baby comes out of the womb walking, and they all fall many, many times before they eventually get it right.
Most people, before they got good at anything were really bad at it first. They got good at it because they were passionate about it and because they practiced. They studied it. They failed, tried again, failed again, tried again, failed again and eventually succeeded.
You can succeed, too.
You can succeed at anything. You just need to put in enough effort. You just need to practice over and over again.
Do you want to learn how to communicate your feelings to your spouse without accidentally calling him a Dumb Ass Good-for-Nothing Piece of Pond Scum? Practice.
Do you want to get in the mood more often or finally have consistent orgasms? Practice.
Do you want to eat fewer sweets? Practice.
Do you want to be a more forgiving person? Practice.
Do you want to toss a baseball without accidentally hitting your kid in the head? Practice (perhaps while your kid is not around).
Do you want to fix your own computer without teaching your child a few choice words in the process? Practice.
You can become a better spouse. You can become a better person. You can become a better employee. You can be and do anything, as long as you never stop trying.
Are there things you are not good at? Are there things you think you can’t do? What will you start practicing today, so you can have a better, happier life in the future?
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Tags: failure
July 8th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Great post today. This reminds me of Malcolm Gladwell’s latest book and interviews where he talks about practice equalling love (or vice versa?) Here are interview clips from last winter.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Yes, Outliers was great. Actually all of his books are. Thanks for suggesting it.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Ha! OK, I’m going to practice NOT calling my husband a Dumb Ass Good-for-Nothing Piece of Pond Scum!
I found you through Redbook, which I was reading at the nail salon while I got a pedicure, which I never, ever do because I am a mom of 2, WAHM freelance writer, and apparently in charge of the WHOLE WORLD to boot. I am the only one in our house who can change a roll of toilet paper, find the baby’s socks, and produce clean underwear.
I am so sick of putting myself last that sometimes I get fed up and say, “Screw it! I’m going to go get a pedicure!” And then I berate myself for spending the money, and list all the more productive things I could’ve done w/ that time.
But anyway, the Redbook piece resonated w/ me because I also felt resentful towards my husband after we had a baby. Now we have 2. A therapist told me to read “The Lazy Husband.” A lot of it made sense, but the whole “trade sex for help w/ the housework” thing pissed me off. Why can’t he just be an adult and pitch in like I have to, no bribes required? OK, rant over. I’m subscribing.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:20 am
“Most people, before they got good at anything were really bad at it first”
Absolutely true. As I always say “If at first you don’t suck seed (succeed) keep on sucking till you do suck seed (succeed).
July 9th, 2009 at 1:40 am
Great post Alisa! “Passion” makes the world go round! I know big companies identify whether one can be a great manager by judging many competencies including being “passionate about business”. I keep telling my son when he is trying hard at something and it just does not seem to work, to tell himself “I can do it” several times and then take a go at it. Guess what -then he actually succeeds !!
July 9th, 2009 at 7:52 am
Right On! I have always been frustrated by people who tell me “I can’t” when I know what they really mean is “I don’t want to”. And the thing is….there’s nothing wrong with that! If you don’t want to learn how to light a charcoal grill, so what? I think when people step up and take that responsibility (of knowing that they are just making an excuse for something they don’t really want badly enough to work at), they become much happier people. It’s ok not to want to learn to play the violin. But then when you think of something that you really DO want to do, you can put the effort into learning how.