Do you ever cuddle, kiss, be affectionate WITHOUT wanting sex? If not, maybe it’s time to be doing some of that so she knows that you just plain love her and she’s not just a sex object.

That really should come naturally, but I guess it doesn’t for some. If it doesn’t for you, maybe you need to “fake it to make it”. Give her a big romantic smooch and walk away. Rub her butt as you pass by on your way to wash the car. Tell her she’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen and then go back to your book… you get the idea.

I know EXACTLY what you’re going through. I have the exact identical problem and have been searching desperately for a solution. We have tried the “I always initiate, he never initiates” idea, which seemed great, but did not work out particularly well for us in practice.

I still don’t have any answers (I wish I could tell you I did), but I am so glad that someone else out there feels the same way I do. It can be very frustrating to think you’re the only one feeling the way you do – especially when all your friends seem to be sex addicts with their spouses.

Thanks for the blog post.

I once heard somewhere that what is, or what isn’t, going on in the bedroom between two people is an outright reflection of what is, or isn’t, going on in the relationship.

And I’ve always believed that to be true.

I think too many times women, and men too, use sex as a “tool,” to get what they want, don’t want or make deals. I agree with Alisa’s post from last week about “trading” sex for housework or vice-versa, I mean…you get something, he gets something, you know. But in all seriousness, even my less sexually driven female friends agree that you have to have sex in a relationship–otherwise, the whole relationship can get be boring, nitpicky and just like roomates kind of. Sex is the ONLY thing you do with your partner (spouse) that you do not do with everyone else–think about that.

I also agree with scheduling sex, even if you don’t have kids, life will get in the way of sex–jobs, tiredness, family, TV, etc, etc. A lot of women would love it if their husbands cuddled with them, or kissed them, or massaged them–to the woman in this particular story, you are the envy of many women I know! However, what works for one couple will not always work for another. I agree with Alisa’s suggestions, but I also agree that once in a while, it is okay to say no.

We always have a right to say no, even within the context of a relationship. It’s just that if you find yourself saying “no,” way more often than you’re saying “yes,” well, then, I think there’s a problem.
Best of luck and I hope it all works out!

Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz

I don’t know how fair it is to either person in the relationship. I would feel awful if my partner was just letting me use him for sex because I feel like it and even though he does not. And I would feel uncomfortable and perhaps eventually resent him if I had to have sex when I don’t want to.

It’s fine to say No. You can have a healthy relationship without sex.

As to what the “pro-sex” partner should do to handle her/his high sex drive, I’m stumped. Perhaps s/he could be allowed to have sex with others. Perhaps not and if the relationship is strong enough, that partner will understand and not have that big a problem with the other’s lack of interest in sex.