Comments on: 16 things no one tells you about marriage

By: Alisa Bowman

Alisa Bowman — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:24:49 +0000

Shannon–thank you for asking this question! I was wondering what to blog about today and almost resorting to a blog about porn. (Eh, maybe I’ll still get to that one). I recently have found the marital sweet spot. It sure wasn’t easy to get to this place, but I’m happy to tell you that there is one. It’s not about tormenting yourself for life, but it is about letting go of many of the expectations most of us have about what marriage should be, and embracing something more, something deeper. Thanks for the inspiration!
Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..Why I’m a winner!

By: Shannon

Shannon — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 04:21:28 +0000

So what is the point to all that hard work? Where is the reward or should you just torment yourself for life for no reason at all?

By: Mary

Mary — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:20:36 +0000

#9. I think this is relevant.

I’ve only been married for 15 months, but I struggle with this sometimes. If me, my mom, and my husband were held up at gunpoint, and the gunman made me choose which one of them I could keep…I’m not so sure I could let my mom go. But then again…I’ve had 26 years to become best friends with my mom. I’ve only had 3 with my husband. I think, overtime, he will start becoming more important to me than my family is.

Funny story that’s kind of related…yesterday, I was thinking, “If my husband got mauled by a chimpanzzee, and his face and arms got ripped off, would I stay with him for the rest of my life? or would I leave him?”

My answer is probably sad, but very simple: I would probably leave him.

Later in the evening, out of the blue, he asked me THE SAME QUESTION!!!! (We think alike *sometimes*). I told him the truth and he was a little disappointed, BUT I’d like to add that if the same thing were to happen to me, I’d expect him to leave me too. Everyone probably won’t agree with me, but there is no use in wasting a second perfectly good life.

But still, you never know what you might choose in a tragedy situation like that.

Sorry to stray from the subject of the original post…I’m still waiting on a high five from my husband for my farts. He seems to be pleased when he does it, but when I do it, he shuns me like I have leprocy.

By: zSar

zSar — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:21:05 +0000

Hi I am not sure this blog is for the husband… but anyway I like the lists.. thanks for writing up the topic.

I am into 18th year of marriage and all the years we have our ups and downs… I am not perfect and there are things that it my fault…

Looking at the #15… my wife just loves me because she wanted me to be that dream person she likes. I made an effort to change myself to be someone she likes. She never accepted what I am… but she never will change for me. Its always her deal and not mine. In short, she molded me to be her dream man.

Our marriage went bad just this year last August… I felt so bad about how she taken me for granted… thats how I felt…

We are now trying to recover for the bad marriage…

By: TraderHubbyDad

TraderHubbyDad — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 23:41:19 +0000

OMG: You’ll spend many years fighting about whether or not to keep the toilet seat up and which way the toilet paper should go. If you stay married long enough, you’ll wonder why you ever cared about these things.

So true. I learned a long time ago to keep the toilet seat down. Good thing too because a few years ago we got a dog and if I keep the toilet seat up…it’s drinking time for him.

Thanks for the laughs, since it’s all true and nothing is funnier than the truth.

By: stevie

stevie — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:56:24 +0000

i’ve only been married for 8 years ( I am 27!) and I agree 100% with everything on this list. There are currents in a relationship sometimes it’s raftable (did I make a new word?!) and sometimes it’s not, but I hope we never bail on each other.

By: Morriss Partee

Morriss Partee — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 18:15:34 +0000

@Christy – I think you are dead-on when you say – “no one other than him I’d rather talk with than him.” I think that’s the bottom line to knowing you are with the right person. As much as you might have differences, arguments little or big, disagreements, etc, who do you want to talk to at the end of the day? And I think that a huge part of that is respect. Do you respect your partner, whether or not you agree with him or her? Look at James Carville and Mary Matalin. Polar opposite views; therefore huge respect must be the secret there!

@Alisa – I think number 6 on your list is SO important to always keep in mind. Two questions a person can ask of him/herself: Is your partner making YOU feel like the most adored person in the world? If not, can you tell or show your partner exactly *how* he/she could go about making you feel that way? And at the same time, if you want to improve your relationship, ask yourself, what could YOU do to make your partner feel like the most important person in the world. Try it and see if magic results.

By: Christy

Christy — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 03:10:14 +0000

After 20+ years of marriage, I agree 100%. Especially with #16. I told a friend I’ve known since 5th grade last night, true… he aggravates the shit out of me, challenges me, is my partner in life and business, and in the end… no one other than him I’d rather go have a beer and talk with than him. And isn’t that what it’s all about.

But damn! Sometimes a little variety every now and then would be fun, but that would so muddy the waters and then I would have to retrain someone and in the end… I’d end up with someone very much like what I have. Better just to teach an old dog new tricks, that way you don’t have to overcome bad behavior.

By: Angela

Angela — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 12:34:38 +0000

My MIL will hate me, even if I’m a saint, because NO ONE is good enough for her little boy. And everything he’s ever done wrong, or any bad thing that has ever happened to him, including his life-threatening illness at birth and dropping out of college a year and a half before we met, is MY FAULT. I must accept it and not be offended by it or let my frustration and anger about it define me or our relationship (me-him or me-her), because nothing will change it, EVER, and this is reflective of a protective, if heinously bitchy, mother, and not of his potential to be the same.

By: Alisa

Alisa — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 00:32:15 +0000

Tony–I always appreciate your comments, and this one in particular. I agree with you. I’ve gone back and edited #1 and #7 so they more closely resemble the thought I wanted to get across. I started to edit #9 but then just struck it because the entire sentiment just didn’t seem important to me anymore. I struck it rather than delete it, though, so your comments here would still relate to the post. Thanks again.