Comments on: Why and How to be the Big Person

By: krys

krys — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 01:49:12 +0000

I’m not married to my boyfriend, but we’ve been dating for over 2 years now…

What if I’m CONSTANTLY being the bigger person? For your husband, it’s an anomaly for him to brush you off. For my boyfriend, it’s an anomaly to be anything less than nasty. I’m expected to be the bigger person, and be nice and sweet, while he is being downright hurtful, because he’s “tired” and “had a rough day”.

Unfortunately, all the effort I’ve put in is going to be a waste, but I can’t take his shit anymore. It ends tonight.

By: Things You Realize After You Get Married

Things You Realize After You Get Married — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 13:08:48 +0000

This is a very useful post! I do always feel that I have to be the bigger person in my marriage, although I’m sure if you ask my husband this, he might say the same thing too!……..I’ve noticed that when neither of us act like the bigger person, we stoop down to each other’s pettiness (you know, to get back at the ecah other) and actually end up hurting each other more!

I am trying to put this logic more into practice. To take ownership of my own behaviour and not fall into the pettiness trap. Thanks for sharing your story–can definitely relate to it!

By: Katherine "KB"

Katherine "KB" — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 08:14:45 +0000

Just stumbled into your site after logging in very late this evening through Shine on Yahoo: 10 Things Husbands Should Never Do. This on the heels of yet another challenging evening with my new husband. We married late in life, both first timers, no kids, no plans for any. Can you say “painfully set in your ways”?

I truly needed to find you and did. I’m very fortunate when I reach out to the universe with little effort. I’ve cc’d close friends of your site already.

Keep up the great work and support!

By: Jenny

Jenny — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:18:19 +0000

Hey. Just stumbled across your site through StumbleUpon. It’s really nifty. I’ll bookmark your site for daily visits. Have a great weekend.

By: Lady

Lady — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:20:04 +0000

I have only been married for a little over a year, and living with my husband for about two years.

I think he has almost always been the bigger person, and just lately he is getting tired of it. In a situation like the one you described above, my reaction would have been childish and sullen. Then it’s on him to chase me down and cheer me up. That isn’t fair, and it isn’t the kind of woman I want to be. I like the self-talk you used; I used to use those techniques a lot and would like to get back to it.

Thanks for this post.

By: Corrine

Corrine — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:47:39 +0000

Alisa…once again your candid honesty hits the nail on the head. I love your reminder to keep the focus on WHO I want to BE in my life! And that funny and all to true question rings in my mind – would you rather be right or happy? I would rather be happy.

By: John Goode

John Goode — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 05:44:10 +0000

This is an excellent post. Isn’t it amazing that very often our natural reaction to perceived rejection is to retaliate! The golden rule remains true: treat others as you’d want to be treated…

By: Kelly Marie

Kelly Marie — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 03:54:23 +0000

I’m the one usually making the snap-judgements and my husband is the bigger-person in our relationship. Yep, I need to get my rear in gear…

By: Melissa

Melissa — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:43:19 +0000

This was a GREAT post. I had a similar situation this past weekend with the husband and had to talk myself out of ‘stooping to his level’ – now looking back, the situation was really no big deal anyway, just my own overreaction.