Comments on: Is porn cheating?

By: thisisthedeal

thisisthedeal — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 23:36:06 +0000

Women & men desire to be different things to their significant other. While a man’s desire is to look at women, what women desire is to be looked at and admired by men. Women consider porn cheating because the ladies in porn are taking on the role they believe is rightly theirs. Porn is not the same as a romance novel. A direct comparison would be if a women was posting naked pictures of herself and or videos of herself and was getting feedback & comments from other males. Would her partner have a problem with this? I assume so, because the men viewing his woman & making comments would be taking on his role in their relationship. I hope this enables some men to see how women truly view porn.

By: Helen

Helen — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 17:43:25 +0000

My husband has been a porn addict for 18+ years. I didn’t know it when I married him. He will look at it for hours and then lie about it when I mention it because our sex is “different” or he has trouble having and erection. He is even into the animated porn. He will use the KY to help himself while watching and still claims he is not cheating. I have to say the discovery he was using the KY was the last straw. I have been seriously thinking about divorce since then. Because we have talked about his “problem” so often and he will promise to quit only to work harder to hide it I haven’t said anything for a few months. I have to believe that people with regular viewing habits have a problem.

By: Jason T. Nelson

Jason T. Nelson — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:27:19 +0000

First of all, as a husband and a man, I can say that there’s highly likely nothing to worry about here…yet.

If it’s a one time thing then it’s curiosity. Let’s face it, the web gives us access to things that we’ve never had access to before, and so a live chat with a naked girl might just be one of the things on the guy’s bucket list.

Obviously it’s not the smartest thing in the world to do, or the best use of time, but the chances that anything physical will ever happen (well at least that involves both parties touching each other), nor will there likely be an emotional affair flaring up, I think you can chalk this one up to curiosity and guys enjoyment of well…naked girls.

For me the suggestion of talking about this, or that he should tell her he’s going to be doing this, I think this is ridiculous and unrealistic. Listen, whether we like it or not, we’re all individuals with our own thoughts, and fantasies.

As long as were not doing something to harm the marriage, and as long as we’re not betraying our spouse, then we have the right to remain silent about these things.

This goes for porn and masturbation. As long as it’s not affecting the marriage, there’s no reason to have to disclose it if we don’t feel comfortable. These are personal preferences that we do to and for ourselves.

When it becomes harmful and begins to affect the other person, or get’s into the gray area of one spouse doing something that they wouldn’t want done to them then that’s when it’s cheating.

When there’s an intimate emotional connection, or of course a physical connection then that’s cheating.

Porn is not cheating in general. This guy was playing with fire a bit, but I still don’t believe he crossed that line. However, to sort of contradict my own points above, I will say that now that he’s gotten caught, now that the cat is out of the bag, and it’s affected his wife, then sure, he’s got some splainin’ to do. To what extent of that he has to explain is up to the couple until there’s a new comfort level met once again.

Great posts, and great way to make us think

By: tim

tim — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:01:31 +0000

Men who are going to cheat will cheat regardless of porn. porn is not the defining factor the mans character is. All these women here saying their men have cheated, thats because thats who they are, JERKS. they would have done eventually even without porn. I think porn just gives you aclear, easy, visible scapegoat without accepting maybe there are other deeper problems in your mariages…Women would happily blame porn than some other aspect of their marriage.

By: mike

mike — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:56:36 +0000

Before taking aim at porn how about getting alchohol out of society first? Or is that also being “justified” as someone else put it by women? Whay are women drinking? Sure, sure women say they drink “socially” they justify that despite the terrible effects of alchohol on your selves and those around you….So lets not get hypocritical. Both these thinsgs are NOT good but both are prob gonna be around for some time….fact of life.

By: usa

usa — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:52:24 +0000

Look, porn in itself is not a good thing. But for men its mostly just a visual stimulus. If any man takes it further then the whole character of the man, the marriage needs to be looked at and dont just blame porn, thats too simple. And how about all you women? Never masturbated? Never read a romance novel? Then thats cheating too. Porn, like alchohol IS TO BE AVOIDED, but most men do both….Alchohol also can ruin marriages and families but even women drink the damn thing, so whats the big deal? Porn is again women just getting their knickers in a knot instead of accepting men and women ARE different, , we may be equal, but we are different.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 04:03:04 +0000

I consider porn cheating. Probably because I was married to a man that did porn rather than me (his wife at the time). I was willing and able when he was actually not away on a business trip (three weeks a month). But when he came home from said business trips, he was “worn out” from his activities (porn).

My now hubby, when I first met him, had a Sports Illustrated calendar. After my experience with the prior husband I wasn’t even comfortable with that. I had him remove the calendar. In place of that, I emailed him some photos of me in a bathing suit from my 20s. I figure if he wants to look at women in bathing suits, he’s gonna look at me. We weren’t even having sex yet, so he was getting a preview of what I looked like without much clothing on.

By: Tiffani Kerlik

Tiffani Kerlik — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 15:59:20 +0000

My husband looks at porn, but immediately emails me to engage in our own version of porn. Nasty grams, I call them, he is only interested in me, and honestly if he still thinks I look like that after all these years, 4 kids and 3 years into menopause. Well more power to him. By the way, if anyone has also completely and most defiantly lost their sex drive due to menopause, please let me know I am not alone. My sex drive is always wine induced; otherwise, it is not there. And my husband is not the issue. I am completely crazy for him, I call him Superman…he is just that good.

By: Maria

Maria — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:03:50 +0000

BTW alisa thanks for taking the time to chat with me i appreciate a total non bias opinion

By: Maria

Maria — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:02:34 +0000

i have suggested it he is not into that either we have seeked counseling in the past and were matched with a horrible counselor i swear she did more damage than good now he will not go as he feels it is not help of course we did not see the counselor for this issue how do you make someone see they are a troubled souls? We have chatted and he reports he is just a bit bored with the marriage right now and i feel he is projecting his boredom into his sexuality pls know that i love this man more than life itself but am struggling way to much. when is enough enough?