I’ve lived most of my life in fear of the inevitable. Ever since I was old enough to know that all living things at, one time or another, die, I’ve wanted one thing: not to ever die. As a child, I was jealous of younger children, because they had longer to live than I did. At one point, I told an adult, “I’m really scared of dying.” She said, “Just don’t think about it. Push it out of your mind. Pretend it won’t happen to you.”
So, until yesterday, that was what I did. Whenever I started obsessing about maggots eating away at my body, I said, “Stop it. It’s not going to happen to me. Death only happens to other people.”
It sort of worked, too.
Until yesterday. That’s when I learned I only had one day left to live.
For the past few months, I’ve been studying Buddhist Dharma and meditation, mostly in an attempt to destress, get rid of some of my more annoying neurotic quirks, and discover that elusive state of bliss that these Buddhists monks keep claiming exists. As a part of this effort, this week I started reading Transform Your Life, a book written by Tibetan Buddhist teacher Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. (See the bottom of this post for ordering info.)
I haven’t actually met Geshe in person, but the nun who teaches my Dharma class has. She says he’s the epitome of bliss. If anyone knows how to get blissed out, it’s him.
So I bought his book and started reading it during my daughter’s swim lesson. I finished the chapter on death right around the time she was emerging from the pool. I can’t exactly say I was in a blissed out state of mind as I toweled her off. If anything I was completely freaked out because, in that chapter, Geshe told me over and over again that I might die. Like now. Like at any moment. Like today. Like before my daughter’s hair dries.
He said that most of us fool ourselves into believing that we won’t die today, tomorrow or any other day. We tell ourselves that we are young. We think of doctors as immortality enablers. We put a lot of faith in airbags, seat belts and helmets.
In the end, though, is just one thing: the end. If my time is up, it’s up, and even the most talented of doctors or strongest of seat belts isn’t going to add any more time to my clock.
Geshe wrote, “Death will definitely come and there is nothing we can do to prevent it.”
He’s pretty blunt in his blissedoutness.
In telling me that I might die today, though, Geshe was really reminding me to live every day as if it were my last. How would I live differently if I only had one more day to live?
Would I, like usual, worry about six hundred and seven things? Would I, like usual, work until I’d exhausted every single one of my brain cells? Would I, like usual, get irritated about tiny little things like the fact that my daughter takes too long to crawl into her car seat?
No, apparently, I wouldn’t. If I only had one day left to live, I would feel the breeze on my face as my daughter crawled into her seat. I wouldn’t notice how long it took her because I’d be busy enjoying the first sunny day the North East Coast has seen in about 67 days. I would take the time to give my husband a shoulder rub because he looked like he needed one and because it felt good to do something nice for someone else. Plus, I would have time to do it since I wouldn’t be in a hurry since none of the things I thought I had to do actually had to be done. Someone else could do them after I dropped dead, you know?
I would laugh more.
I would sit outside in the sun while I drank my ice coffee rather than sit indoors in front of my computer.
I would blog about my last day on the planet instead of answering a reader question about her life sucking after divorce and what she should do about it. (I think I’ll answer that one tomorrow, though, assuming I’m still alive).
I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but today just might be your last day, too. Is there anything pressing you’d like to make sure you get done before you die? Would you do anything differently today if you knew it was your last day left to live? Leave a comment. Note that I might not read it right away, because I might be outside sitting in the sun, or doing something else that’s just as important.
Copyright 2009 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow! I’m depressed. Haha, I figure that when I die, I die. Until then I’m enjoying my life. I’m lucky enough to have a beautiful wife and have a great family and have a job where I call the shots. There is stress but it’s good stress. Stress though it can take your life away can also keep you alive.
Great article. It really makes you think.
-Seth
http://www.goldsteinmedia.com/blog
http://www.twitter.com/sethgoldstein
I’m a strong believer in being “ready to go” and try hard not to have unfinished business. If I found out I was going to die ten minutes from now, I wouldn’t have any real regrets: I’ve had a great life and have enjoyed it thoroughly.
However, death isn’t quite as inevitable as it has been. Advances in understanding cellular aging are progressing very rapidly. While “living forever” isn’t on the immediate horizon right now, extending life definitely is.
So, I’m 61 right now. Ordinarily, I might expect to live another 25 years or so. Because of my particular genetic heritage, I might get another 10 years or more on that. With longevity drugs that really are very close to production, maybe another 10 or 20 (and remember, we aren’t talking about sitting in a nursing home drooling years – I mean happy, healthy years).
That’s almost as long as I’ve lived already. It’s quite possible (barring interference from wars, religious crazies, et al.) that even more effective longetivity treatments will be developed. That may not happen fast enough for me, but I think it’s a near certainty for young children today.
If this all plays out as it should, there will be a lot of social change. I’ve explored some of that at the link under my name.
I made the decision 3 months ago that I was tired of living my life by someone else’s rules and decided to live my life to make me happy. I love my boyfriend, but I no longer live with him, I enjoy answering to myself again and I refuse to have any regrets in my life. I work hard and I play hard and I will not marry a man who can not treat me with the respect that all women deserve from their partner. I pull no punches and I make sure that those important to me know how I feel.
Good for you. I’ve never been anxious about death. It will come eventually and there isn’t much you can do except don’t take stupid risks like running in front of cars on the highway.
I do enjoy each day, I appreciate the little things and if today turned out to be my last day I’d only regret not having more time with the people I love and not knowing how the story ends for the world, the planet and everything.
That is a good question… I know the first thing that pops in my head is that I would need to contact my father, no matter how much he hates me and will do anything to avoid me. Note, that he has never met nor talked to me, he knows about me, he had 33 years to contact me, he chose not too. When I thought it over, I wondered why I would waste my last day on earth for the approval of someone who does not give a damn. I would let my mother know that I truly and honestly love her, not because she buys me things (which is why she thinks I “love” her), but I love her in spite of that, I love her because of who she is, not because of what she does for me. I have no clue how I could make he believe this, but if it was my last day on earth that is the one thing I would need to accomplish.
Since you seem open to spirituality in seeking peace about dying, maybe you would consider what the Bible has to say about death and beyond. The first verse that came to my mind when I read your blog was “O death, where is your sting?” I had to go look it up because I couldn’t remember where to find it. The preacher/poet John Donne quoted the line from first Corinthians 15:55 in his poem, Death be not Proud.
If you can believe what the Bible says about death you might be comforted about what happens when we die.
Here’s what Paul the evangelist had to say about death and eternal life:
“What I am saying, dear brothers and sisters, is that our physical bodies cannot inherit the Kingdom of God. These dying bodies cannot inherit what will last forever.
But let me reveal to you a wonderful secret. We will not all die, but we will all be transformed! It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed. For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies.
Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:
“Death is swallowed up in victory
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Cor 15:50-57
Me again—so Jesus is the key. God in the flesh (Jesus) died for all mankind so we would not have to fear death or experience eternal separation from God. We sleep, but in a moment we’re changed if we believe and accept what Christ did for us.
What do you believe about Jesus?
Hi Susan: Thanks for your comments and insights. To answer your question, I actually have read the Bible twice (minus the begats). Many years ago, I used to teach Discipleship classes. I did not grow up with religion. My parents are both atheists, so I’ve made a study of many different religions during my adulthood. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am not a Christian. I strongly believe and take comfort in many of the teachings of Jesus and Christianity in general: forgiveness, agape love, turning the other cheek, grace, etc. It’s just that, with Christianity, I never was able to find the step-by-step tools I needed to turn myself into the more compassionate person I wanted to become. Buddhism seems to offer those tools (meditation, etc), which is why that has become my current interest. It has really helped me turn my anger and frustration into acceptance and compassion, for instance. Because I’ve studied so many religions by choice and with an open mind, I can say that most world religions have much more in common with each other than they have differences. They all, for instance, have a strong focus on being good to others, which is my ultimate goal in this lifetime. They, of course, differ in terms of what happens in the afterlife, but that’s the great mystery that will not unfold for any of us until after death. It seems pointless to argue about it during life, don’t you think? Anyway, again, I thank you for your insights.
I’m a Buddhist. The Buddha has said that nothing is permanent in this world and we too are not permenent. All are Anitya. So, why should we afraid to follow the rule under which we have come here?
Before doing any evil. Just remember that you will have to die it, and people will remmebver your evil deeds.
Bhawatu Sabba Mangala
Razen Manandhar from Nepal
Alisa, you are so right. None of us has any control over anything. I firmly believe that when your spirit decides it is time to check out and go on to the next ‘lesson’ (and to me, that is what living and this particular lifetime is to me- a lesson/experience/adventure) , that is exactly what it will do. Check itself out of class and head home. Personally, I’m not checking out until my kids are grown and my responsibilities as a parent are done.
But once one accepts that there is nothing permanent, that this is all just illusion, then ‘this’ just becomes a series of adventures.
I would also recommend a book that changed my life and how I look at life. “Illusions – Adventures of a Relunctant Messiah” by Richard Bach . Yep, same Richard Bach that wrote Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
I don’t think you REALLY realize that “I could die today” is true until you almost do. I got ran over by a car three weeks ago. I almost died, for real. http://www.kylehepp.com/2009/06/update-my-accident-with-pictures.html
Every day that I live now feels different.
I think if this were my last day i would have quite a few regrets unfortunatly.I think the biggest would be that i haven’t been trying as hard as I could in making my marriage a better one. I try to enjoy the little things but i have a hard time coping with large issues..If tommorow comesi suppose i would have a long sit down and ask what he thinks i can work on and vice versa and actually ACT on those suggestions rather than listening and then continuing on my not so merry way..
i would have to say that i would make major changes if i thought i was even going to die a week from now. i woulnd’t live or be around my kids’ father cause he treats me like i am property and i think he enjoys knowing that i live my life for my kids. however, if i was going to die then i would have to leave that place of misery and try to find solace before i go. got me thinking, what am i waiting for. life is short, too short to stay in limbo. so i am going to keep this short cause i apparently have some moving to do. thanks for the eye opener
I fully believe that life happens – you are blessed to awaken every morning, blessed to face a new day, and blessed to fall into bed at night. Death is a sad part of life, but it happens. When a person dies, for those living, life goes on. For that person – it’s a new adventure, depending on their religious beliefs. Heaven, life after death, reincarnation, guardian angel, etc. JMO
If I knew tomorrow would be my last day on earth, I’d spend it with my husband and kids, just enjoying every moment – good and bad – and loving. Nothing else would matter.
When my Aunt found out she was dying, she made many phone calls. Some to tell people thank you or how much she loved and appreciated them. Some to tell people what she truly thought of them – yeah, she told off quite a few, and it made her feel better, cleared the air, so to speak. Everyone’s different.