Comments on: How to get along with your inlaws http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/ Because life after "I do" isn't always so charming Sun, 01 Aug 2010 01:31:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Dara http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-8180 Dara Thu, 06 May 2010 20:14:41 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-8180 My in-laws hate my guts. I certainly do get caught up in the eye-for-an-eye situation, and of course it doesn't help, but it makes me feel better that I stood up for myself. I have to convince my husband to stand up for me. He is not so confrontational, so he hopes he can just wish the problems away, and when it comes time for him to do some defending, or finding out exactly what the problem is to begin with, he gets all panicky. And even though his family sees us standing together against their treatment of me, they don't back down at all. His parents are not as bad as his sister. She has completely cut herself off from us, which honestly, is a good thing for me. So much negativity brought into my life it's almost too much to take. His parents at least make an effort, and although they are guilty of crimes against me, they do their share of wonderful things for us as well, and at least we know they care, even though I am not so compatible with them. My in-laws hate my guts. I certainly do get caught up in the eye-for-an-eye situation, and of course it doesn’t help, but it makes me feel better that I stood up for myself. I have to convince my husband to stand up for me. He is not so confrontational, so he hopes he can just wish the problems away, and when it comes time for him to do some defending, or finding out exactly what the problem is to begin with, he gets all panicky. And even though his family sees us standing together against their treatment of me, they don’t back down at all. His parents are not as bad as his sister. She has completely cut herself off from us, which honestly, is a good thing for me. So much negativity brought into my life it’s almost too much to take. His parents at least make an effort, and although they are guilty of crimes against me, they do their share of wonderful things for us as well, and at least we know they care, even though I am not so compatible with them.

]]> By: kris http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-4373 kris Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:58:20 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-4373 Usually I agree with this advice: Kill them with kindness is usually a wonderful tactic that does wear them down if you're patient. After 7 years of doing exactly this, I decided, honestly, it's easier to just not talk to my mother in law and her husband anymore. The nicer I try to be the more rude her and her husband become and the worse the games get. It seemed they would go out of their way to cause strife and then haul hubby over to their house, spend 2 hours tattling and berating about how I didn't offer them a cup of water a the right time or I didn't say hello in the right tone and he'd come home and we'd fight. When it got to the point of being as bad as it could possibly be, I walked away from them. This was several months ago now. I told the hubby that while I appreciated and understood they were his parents I wasn't going to play the juvenile games they insisted on playing. To my shock and awe, he agreed with my position and has facilitated avoiding contact. We've gotten along 100 times better since we stopped letting their bitterness interfere in our relationship. Usually I agree with this advice: Kill them with kindness is usually a wonderful tactic that does wear them down if you’re patient. After 7 years of doing exactly this, I decided, honestly, it’s easier to just not talk to my mother in law and her husband anymore. The nicer I try to be the more rude her and her husband become and the worse the games get. It seemed they would go out of their way to cause strife and then haul hubby over to their house, spend 2 hours tattling and berating about how I didn’t offer them a cup of water a the right time or I didn’t say hello in the right tone and he’d come home and we’d fight. When it got to the point of being as bad as it could possibly be, I walked away from them. This was several months ago now. I told the hubby that while I appreciated and understood they were his parents I wasn’t going to play the juvenile games they insisted on playing. To my shock and awe, he agreed with my position and has facilitated avoiding contact. We’ve gotten along 100 times better since we stopped letting their bitterness interfere in our relationship.

]]> By: Lilian http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-3720 Lilian Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:31:41 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-3720 For me it's my Sister-in-law. I recently got married(2 months ago) and right now we are trying to find a home to move into. He still lives with his father and sister, and I with my family. We try to see each other and spend all our time outside of work together. I have been the one to come over to his house. His sister never liked me from day one. He says she doesn't like anyone he's ever been with. The separation is taking a tole on our relationship, I'm stressed out because we live 1 hour apart, and because we are having a hard time finding a home to buy. Our realtor is trying to get us in a place, but we keep getting outbid. The other day I went over to his house to meet him after he got outta work. I was in a good mood and had to fax over some paperwork to my new employer.. I asked my husband if he would help me figure out what to claim on my W-4(since I'm recently married I didn't know what to put). He suggested I call my tax preparer and get pro advice. I got on the phone and was talking toy tax guys assistant.. She was giving me advice and I had the phone to my ear listening and my husband starts talking to me in a negative way "what the ***k are you doing?!?" and I reply to him with a stressed out tone & the lady still on the phone "don't talk to me right now!" then he flips out and storms out of the room saying "f***ing bi**h!" and I say " your psycho!" Seconds later I end that phone call and then we are arguing. I'm upset he rudely interupted me and pissed he called me names for no reason. He defended that "you yelled at me" and I say " what the hell are u trying to say to me when I'm on the phone trying to get professional advice?! So we are both screaming at each other THEN his sister walks in the room (apparently she was in her bedroom the whole time) and starts yelling at me saying that I'm a bit*h and I'm crazy and i need to leave. My husband doesn't defend me, he is now trying to break up the yelling match bettween his sister and I. Even tho she insulted me and resorted to name calling , I did not stoop to her level.. I bit my tounge. I did yell to her "This has nothing to do with you. You need to mind your own business!" I'm angry at my husband that he let his sister disrespect me like that and didn't defend me. I just wanted help with my W-4 and at the end I got yelled at and disrespected by both my husband and his little sister(not by weight). This happened Wed and it's now Saturday. I have not called him, and he only tryed calling me the day after the fight, I didn't pick up his call. I'm seriously concidering an anullment. Any suggestions? For me it’s my Sister-in-law.

I recently got married(2 months ago) and right now we are trying to find a home to move into. He still lives with his father and sister, and I with my family. We try to see each other and spend all our time outside of work together. I have been the one to come over to his house.

His sister never liked me from day one. He says she doesn’t like anyone he’s ever been with. The separation is taking a tole on our relationship, I’m stressed out because we live 1 hour apart, and because we are having a hard time finding a home to buy. Our realtor is trying to get us in a place, but we keep getting outbid.

The other day I went over to his house to meet him after he got outta work. I was in a good mood and had to fax over some paperwork to my new employer.. I asked my husband if he would help me figure out what to claim on my W-4(since I’m recently married I didn’t know what to put). He suggested I call my tax preparer and get pro advice. I got on the phone and was talking toy tax guys assistant.. She was giving me advice and I had the phone to my ear listening and my husband starts talking to me in a negative way “what the ***k are you doing?!?” and I reply to him with a stressed out tone & the lady still on the phone “don’t talk to me right now!” then he flips out and storms out of the room saying “f***ing bi**h!” and I say ” your psycho!” Seconds later I end that phone call and then we are arguing. I’m upset he rudely interupted me and pissed he called me names for no reason. He defended that “you yelled at me” and I say ” what the hell are u trying to say to me when I’m on the phone trying to get professional advice?! So we are both screaming at each other THEN his sister walks in the room (apparently she was in her bedroom the whole time) and starts yelling at me saying that I’m a bit*h and I’m crazy and i need to leave. My husband doesn’t defend me, he is now trying to break up the yelling match bettween his sister and I. Even tho she insulted me and resorted to name calling , I did not stoop to her level.. I bit my tounge. I did yell to her “This has nothing to do with you. You need to mind your own business!”

I’m angry at my husband that he let his sister disrespect me like that and didn’t defend me. I just wanted help with my W-4 and at the end I got yelled at and disrespected by both my husband and his little sister(not by weight).

This happened Wed and it’s now Saturday. I have not called him, and he only tryed calling me the day after the fight, I didn’t pick up his call.
I’m seriously concidering an anullment.
Any suggestions?

]]> By: Alisa http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-3366 Alisa Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:17:46 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-3366 I glad things are improving!! I glad things are improving!!

]]> By: Tiffani Kerlik http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-3361 Tiffani Kerlik Mon, 24 Aug 2009 15:51:39 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-3361 Well the war is nearing an end, the Slovak in-laws have decided to return to Europe. We have already put their house up for sale and I sit on pins and needles waiting for my husband to tell me he has purchased the plane tickets. After all these years, I will finally get my family and my home back. BTW, you were right about establishing a "not going to care" attitude, that prayer and a few small miracles answered really made a difference. Well the war is nearing an end, the Slovak in-laws have decided to return to Europe. We have already put their house up for sale and I sit on pins and needles waiting for my husband to tell me he has purchased the plane tickets. After all these years, I will finally get my family and my home back. BTW, you were right about establishing a “not going to care” attitude, that prayer and a few small miracles answered really made a difference.

]]> By: Alisa http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-2904 Alisa Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:16:41 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-2904 Tiffani and Jen: Remember that you are both adults and able to make your own decisions. The unhappiness on the part of the inlaws is not necessarily your problem. Some people enjoy stewing in their own misery. Accept that you will never be able to make them happy or make them like you. Once you reach that place of acceptance, it will get a lot easier. Instead of being a salmon swimming upstream, you'll be able to go with the flow. I know... easier said than done. And Tiffani: great move to get them out of the house. You need your space. I would recommend you find someone more reliable to watch your kids. It's not good for them to get caught in the middle. Tiffani and Jen: Remember that you are both adults and able to make your own decisions. The unhappiness on the part of the inlaws is not necessarily your problem. Some people enjoy stewing in their own misery. Accept that you will never be able to make them happy or make them like you. Once you reach that place of acceptance, it will get a lot easier. Instead of being a salmon swimming upstream, you’ll be able to go with the flow.

I know… easier said than done. And Tiffani: great move to get them out of the house. You need your space. I would recommend you find someone more reliable to watch your kids. It’s not good for them to get caught in the middle.

]]> By: Tiffani Kerlik http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-2902 Tiffani Kerlik Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:11:23 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-2902 My in-laws do not speak English and I do not speak Slovak, they came to the US expecting to take over my home and my life, when I refused the war started. She insults me through my husband and by boycotting her grandchildren and the housekeeping, I work and she stays home to watch our 4 children, it's a very complicated mess that has caused me so much stress. Honestly I have no idea what to do anymore, I have even considered leaving my amazing husband because of them. We bought them a house to get them out of ours, it was not good enough. Nothing ever is. What would you do? My in-laws do not speak English and I do not speak Slovak, they came to the US expecting to take over my home and my life, when I refused the war started. She insults me through my husband and by boycotting her grandchildren and the housekeeping, I work and she stays home to watch our 4 children, it’s a very complicated mess that has caused me so much stress. Honestly I have no idea what to do anymore, I have even considered leaving my amazing husband because of them. We bought them a house to get them out of ours, it was not good enough. Nothing ever is. What would you do?

]]> By: Ms. Jenn http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-2871 Ms. Jenn Sat, 01 Aug 2009 19:45:56 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-2871 This is great-- I have finally found Mr. Right for me in EVERY way and his only flaw is his parents. They hate me and they have not even given me a chance. I am so hurt by the things they say about me it is unreal, and the worst part is their son is suffering bc he wants Dante and I to be a part of his family and all he is met with is resistance from them. I am going to try to implement your advice-- my partner is much like your husband, very quiet and confrontation avoiding so I don't know what he will say about it- though he does defend me, which usually makes things worse. I just wanted to be accepted by them so their son and I can try for that happily ever after thing everyone is talking about. This is great– I have finally found Mr. Right for me in EVERY way and his only flaw is his parents. They hate me and they have not even given me a chance. I am so hurt by the things they say about me it is unreal, and the worst part is their son is suffering bc he wants Dante and I to be a part of his family and all he is met with is resistance from them. I am going to try to implement your advice– my partner is much like your husband, very quiet and confrontation avoiding so I don’t know what he will say about it- though he does defend me, which usually makes things worse. I just wanted to be accepted by them so their son and I can try for that happily ever after thing everyone is talking about.

]]> By: Athena Bradford http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-2427 Athena Bradford Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:06:43 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-2427 I am so sorry for the delay in responding to your interview questions. Could you resend the questions and I promise to answer quickly this time. Many thanks, Athena I am so sorry for the delay in responding to your interview questions. Could you resend the questions and I promise to answer quickly this time. Many thanks, Athena

]]> By: Beth http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/06/how-to-get-along-with-your-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-2424 Beth Tue, 23 Jun 2009 01:24:06 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2096#comment-2424 The irony is that it's my family that makes the mess here. I don't see my husband adopting these suggestions, but they are smart. The irony is that it’s my family that makes the mess here. I don’t see my husband adopting these suggestions, but they are smart.

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