How to Fall Back in Love

Many people talk about falling in and out of love as if love were an elusive quality that the universe gave to some couples and not to others. They say things like, “My relationship is pretty good, but we’re just not in love anymore.”

I personally don’t think you can possibly be in a good relationship if you are not “in love.”

This is why:

Love isn’t an adjective. It’s not something you feel.

Love is a verb. It’s something you do.

Love is an action. It’s a behavior. Love is completely within your control.

Just because you aren’t fighting and tossing dishes at each other every day doesn’t mean everything’s good. If you are not “in love,” then you are not prioritizing your relationship. Rather, you are stuck in a rut. You might live together. You might be sharing a life, but you are not actively loving each other. You’re taking each other for granted. You’ve gotten lazy. Your relationship has become robotic.

If you want to feel in love again, you need to act in love again. Acting in love might entail greeting your partner at the door and giving her a hug as you say, “Wow I’ve really missed you.” It might be noticing that your husband has just eaten the last of his favorite ice cream bars, so you restock the supply the very next day, even though it was not your official grocery-shopping day.

Love is in the small, everyday gestures that say, “You are important to me.” Love is how you make your partner feel special and adored. Love is how you stretch yourself thin in order to improve your partner’s life.

Love is many, many actions performed day in and day out. When you are both performing these daily acts of love, you will eventually feel good about each other. If you want to call this gooey, happy feeling “being in love,” then call it that. Call it whatever you want. Just know that the behavior precedes the feeling. If you want to feel in love, you need to act in love.

I only had a chance to write briefly about how to fall back in love in this post, and there is so much more to it. Times can be hard right now, but keep believing! You CAN have that closeness again and to be loved by someone who is committed and cherishes you. In fact, there are resources you can check out for free on our sponsor’s website They’ve actually put together some must-see info that you can access by clicking here —> fall back in love

156 comments… add one

  • S.G June 2, 2012, 2:48 pm

    I have been with my husband for over 3 years and known him for 11 years and been married to him for 4months. We haven’t been doing that good he we fight so much and I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so hurt on everything that is going on right no I just need so advice on what to do I want to be happy with him but he says he has falling out of love with me. I don’t know what to do I try be there for him and show him that I care but he doesn’t seem like he is all there. I ask him every day to try and save our marriage. I cry every day just thinking about all the good memories we have to together and I want to make more with him and I have a good marriage from now on. The part that really gets me if in a few weeks I have to go in for surgery and i don’t think he will even be there. So times I think this was the wrong thing to do and that I should have waited but I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IT DOESNT COME TO MY MIND ANYMORE. But now I can’t get it off my mind and need help I Pray to God every day to help me but my husband is still the same. HELP IS ALL I NEED RIGHT NOW….

    • Patrick June 5, 2012, 1:33 am

      Hi S.G,

      So sorry to hear you are going through this. I went through something very similar very early into my marriage. First of all remember that the first couple of years of marriage are tough. But right now, unfortunately the more you push your husband to fix your marriage and to love you back , the further you push him away. First thing to do is to give him space. Explain to him that whilst you love him, you want to respect his need to evaluate where his life is at. Instead of showing him your love with your words, continue to show him your love through ways that he will feel cared for.
      It’s a good thing you are praying, and prayer works, but also pray for God to work within you and help you with your struggles. Find your validation in God. Maybe your husband feels so much pressure as he is your EVERYTHING and it makes him feel like your to needy.

      Also, your husband needs to realise that love isnt a feeling. Its an action. You ask any happily married couple and they will tell you that they dont ‘feel” in love everyday. There are days my wife feels a million miles away from me and there may be no connection, but I continue to love her and do the things that make her feel special.

      Maybe even suggest marriage councelling as thats what my wife and I needed to establish better communication.

      All the best.


      • S.G June 6, 2012, 7:17 am

        I am praying every day of my life but it’s not getting better I give him his space all the time every day. But nothing has change he really is thinking about divorce and it hurts so much. I try to change to be the person he want to be but nothing is good for I honestly think he will cheat on me and it hurts so much to think that last night in a long night I actually went out with a friend and got away from my husband and had a great time. I’m very lucky to have friends that care. But a lot of them are telling to leave and I don’t know what to do any more and it really hurts. I want everything to get better. BUT WHAT HURTS EVEN MORE I GO SURGERY NEXT WEEK I UNDERSTAND MY HUSBAND IS IN THE NAVY BUT WORKS NIGHT…

  • Bear June 4, 2012, 12:59 pm

    I’m praying for you S.G :)

    • JohnC August 14, 2012, 1:06 pm

      I’m very interested in seeing the evidence that praying saves marriages! Please can
      you supply this information.

      • Cat M. October 2, 2012, 1:37 am

        Praying saves everything, John. God has control of everything in our lives, good and bad. Praying can save anything if it is meant to be saved. If it’s God’s will, prayer/faith can and will do everything and more.

      • Silas D. January 2, 2013, 6:32 am

        I’m with you, John. Prayer really doesn’t solve anything. It is just a way for people to vent. If prayer worked, then there would be a lot fewer homeless, starving people out there, a lot fewer sick people, and a lot fewer missing car keys. Haha.

      • tori February 22, 2013, 6:55 am

        Well i woukdnt know where to begin. Me snd my husband been marrjed for 5 yrs and he was great in the beginning nkw cheating and it gotten to the point where he tells me he don’t love me and that hurts to the upmost our marriage is over he moved out but . I was trying everything the lori roye christian carter nons of that wlrked now im just waiting

  • S.G June 6, 2012, 7:10 am

    I am praying every day of my life but it’s not getting better I give him his space all the time every day. But nothing has change he really is thinking about divorce and it hurts so much. I try to change to be the person he want to be but nothing is good for I honestly think he will cheat on me and it hurts so much to think that last night in a long night I actually went out with a friend and got away from my husband and had a great time. I’m very lucky to have friends that care. But a lot of them are telling to leave and I don’t know what to do any more and it really hurts. I want everything to get better. BUT WHAT HURTS EVEN MORE I GO SURGERY NEXT WEEK I UNDERSTAND MY HUSBAND IS IN THE NAVY BUT WORKS NIGHT AND HE’S NOT EVEN GOING TO BE THERE LUCKLY I HAVE MY MOTHER AND MOTHER – IN- LAW AND FRIENDS. SO IF HE DOESN’T CARE I DON’T CARE AND IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE…

    • betty June 14, 2012, 12:26 pm

      I know you love him and I know it hurts but if you are having surgrey and he won’t be there for you then you are not a priority to him. I would tell him you need him and want him to be there and if he gives you some excuse (and yes it is an excuse) he doesnt really care. Move on. Have faith in yourself. sounds like you have a good support group. Use them to move on. I am sorry for your unreturned love. I am going through the same thing. I am giving him the chance to make us a priority and so far he is not really stepping up so I am making plans to step out. If a person is not your rock then they are a mud dragging anchor.

      • S.G June 15, 2012, 1:48 pm

        We are actually doing a lot better now and very happy. He has actually been helping me a lot through my surgery and making me happy.

    • Sarah Ruth August 22, 2015, 11:39 pm

      look you remind me of my brother…he tried so hard to love his wife and her to love him back and it just made him sad,mad,depressed so i am going to tell you what i told have t to love your self BEFORE you can love someone else if you show him love and attention and he doesnt return it…divorce him and put that love to use on someone who will apreciate you,love you,and want you as much as you want them good luck!!

  • olivia cravin June 12, 2012, 8:06 pm

    hi iam in the same situation i found out my husband is cheating on me and we i confronted him i did not denied and told me that he was and love with me but not in love with me romantically but get this he told me that we have been marriage for 16 years and together 22yrs and tell me that we want to work it out with me but right now he needs he space because he enjoying what is doing now however it making me crazy becuase i deall with alot of stress and my life so i have to dea with this i don:t think i can take much more only so much one person and handled and i am losing my balance please let me know how to deal with this situation

    • JB September 12, 2012, 1:07 pm

      I am going through something similar but it was my wife who cheated on me. I have been severely depressed for the past couple years and we have had several talks about how I need to find help until just recently I discovered she was having an affair with a guy who was good friends with her for about a year. I went crazy and checked all of her Facebook and email and found a diary all with poems about how she had such strong feelings for him…and all the while she was dead inside being with me. The sad truth is that I deeply love her but my love is strictly a feeling and very little action other than I work about 50 hours a week to pay our bills so that she can go to school.

      Anyhow, I just wanted to share this with you to let you know that we are in marriage counseling now and after the first session we were both VERY surprised at how effective it can be…but I am on this site as I write this studying and trying to improve myself because it takes action on both sides. It is not just me with a problem and it is not just my wife with a problem.

      You both have to want to go for it to work, but if you can convince him that the marriage is worth saving then he will go. If you can’t convince him the marriage is worth saving then maybe you can go to counseling for yourself.

      Good luck!

  • betty June 14, 2012, 12:22 pm

    Is there some way to get him to try? I have asked I have told but there is no effort on his part. He says he wants to try and it lasts a day or two then we are right back to him not supporting me or the house or really our life together. Is it time we call it quits? I don’t want to get a divorce- I love him but the hurt and pain of feeling neglected, ignored, direspected, and well unloved is getting to me. I am tired of feeling sad and alone. And I am tired of having to tell him what I need and it becoming a fight. We did marriage counsiling but all we learned has gone out the window. I feel so stuck and codependent right now.

  • Tori July 27, 2012, 8:59 pm

    My husband I talk to him tell him how I feel he shuts me out tell me he needs space but still tell me he loves me I am so confused. I feel I want to give up but I don’t I want my marriage to work but I really don’t kno

  • birtnney August 1, 2012, 1:24 am

    well my situation is very sticky… im not married but i have 2 kids with my boyfriend that i live with, weve been together for 5 years 2 1/2 of those years he was in prison. i was left alone and at the time i felt abondoned, i might as well had been a single mother because i was taking care of my son (i had only one at the time) all by myself and i did what alot of women do when their man goes to prison for a long time, i cheated and i think thats when my love really started to fade but i figured that since we have a kid together and he loves me so much i might as well stick it out because all i really wanna do is be a family… well when he got out we got a place now we have two kids and im still not in love with him, i love him as a person and as the father of my kids but im just not in love with him. It hurts me so much because i wish i felt what i felt 5 years ago, but to be honest im not even sexually attracted to him anymore and everything he does just aggrivates me and i snap about the smallest things because im so unhappy with him. I want my kids to grow up with both their mother and father and i feel that if i leave him he wont be in my kids lives, and that makes me really sad because i grew up wishing that i had a father. Im just extremely confused on what to do.. has anyone gone through a similar situation? & if so how did you manage??

    • Bear August 1, 2012, 3:36 pm

      You have to remember why you fell in love in the first place. It isn’t hopeless okay. I don’t know if you guys are Christians or not but the Bible says we need to return to our first loves. What this means in your situation (mine too is you guys need to go and do the things you did before the things you did together that you both enjoyed… and treat each other the way you treated one another before when things were good. God changes hearts and he will do the same for both of you. My relationship is strained ad well but I’m on the recievong end of the same lack of emotion that you have. She fell out of love with me. I love her and she loves me as well but the intamacy is not there we are doing better but have a long way to go. Trust God get in a good church pray and read your Bible. He loves us and will grant the desires of our hearts but following Christ implies we need to do something… get up and walk after him don’t just wait for things to improve renew your commitment to each other and trust the lord… I’m praying for you guys

  • britnney August 1, 2012, 11:00 pm

    omg thank you so much i think thats just what i needed to hear, we are christians but not very good ones… ive been saying for weeks now ” we need to go to church, we need to go to church” but never actually do it. I truly believe that our relationship will get 100x better if we do, idk maybe youre right and God can be our counsolor… it gives me hope hearing that about you and your significant other, if yall can do it then so can we :)

    • Bear August 10, 2012, 12:47 pm


      Glad to hear the word is inspired by God. Prophesy is a very misunderstood gift. Most think it as fortune telling, that is wherin lay the misconceptions. Prophsy is a word of enouragement given by Gods prophet to the hearer giving hope for the future. The word is confirmation of what the hearer already knows about the future and what must take place. Sort of like a gentle nudge from dad when we are learning to ride a bike or something. Seek first the will of God is advice we should all take. When we do we will see everything fall into place. Don’t get me wrong we will have setbacks and the enemy will tell us it’s not worth all the trouble, we deserve better, or it doesn’t have to be this hard and so on. They are just lies and smoke to confuse us and cloud our vision. Trust God and keep seeking his will. He wants the best for all of us.

      P.S. She and I are doing much better. She is saying “those three words” again without being prompted, and wanting to spend time together again. There is still work to be done, but we are going to be okay. Still praying for you guys.

      Go read 1st Corinthians chapter 13 from the NIV (seems clearier in that translation)
      keep the faith, keep the hope, but most of all keep the love.

  • katie August 6, 2012, 12:32 pm

    me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, i love him and care about him so much but i dont feel as tho im “in-love” with him anymore. i want so badley to be inlove with him again, hes had a rouph life, starting with his family and later on with drugs, when we met it saved both of our lives and we became better people, he saw for the first time what a family is supposed to be like and that life can be about happiness, he loves me with all his heart and i feel like im breaking him because i dont feel the same way, i dont want to be like every one else in his life and leave! ill do everything and anything to fall inlove with him again, i just dont kno where to start, he really is an amazing man and diserves more that what ive been giving him right now.

    • Bear August 10, 2012, 12:57 pm

      Read my replys to Brit. they pertain to your situation. Mine and I were in some the same predicament as you guys are. I was on the reciving end of what you are going through. Remember love is a verb. It’s something we do, not something we feel. Trust God he is in the business of changing hearts :-)

  • Michelle August 15, 2012, 2:59 pm

    My boyfriend was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He has since been adjusting to medications for the past 3/4 months. He told me two nights ago he didn’t think he was in love with me anymore, but he did love me. I’ve been praying for some sort of help… we’ve been together for 4.5 years, and it’s been rocky. I’m at a loss because I thought everything was going good, especially considering where we were to begin with. I always knew he was bipolar but he didn’t reach out for help until he hit rock bottom. I’m confused as to what I should do. I wish I could tell if it was actually him, or his disorder/medication talking. Either way, I’m preparing for the worst. I hope this article can help shed some light to actually see he is willing to put work into this relationship or if it’s done.

    • Andrew November 25, 2012, 1:27 pm

      Howdy there, Michelle. I’m a bipolar guy and I can tell you what I think this boyfriend of yours is thinking. I don’t know if it’s too late or not. Hope I’m still in time. Anyhoo… Aye. You already know all about bipolar disorder I’m guessing. I don’t see it as a disorder. I see it more as a sort of advantage. When I’m manic I feel amazing. I love my girlfriend and everything is all fan dabby tastic. Not just my girlfriend, but everything. You’ll notice when your boyfriend is feeling manic. He’ll be a lot more talkative and creative. And his sex drive will probably be through the roof. :) But whenever I get depressed it’s the complete opposite. It’s hard to say exactly what goes through his head but he will still love you at the end of it. Just nowhere near as much during his depression. I don’t take any medication for this shit and I have been at rock bottom. I can control it to a certain extent but it is quite hard sometimes. I prefer to be left alone when I’m depressed. Or just being ignored. People asking what’s wrong or showing me any more affection than normal just makes it worse. It’s easy to deal with if you hide it. It’s probably not him and just his depression. When I’m depressed I don’t feel good enough for my girlfriend and I start thinking that she’ll leave me so I try to detach my feelings so that she doesn’t hurt me when she leaves. I find it hard to trust her when she says she loves me, but only when I’m depressed. I hope this helps… This is unrelated to pretty much everything on here but I want to tell someone and this seems a fairly convenient place to tell people. I am going to have sardines on toast for dinner. :)

      • sarah November 27, 2012, 10:50 pm

        Howdy andrew, you said it perfectly!!! Everything even the sardines on toast even tho I’m a veggie. I want to say more but I think that’s enough, seeing as how you already said it beautifully! I’m not even sure what I was lookin’ for on this site but thanks. I’m going to have to share with my boyfriend your message and maybe he might understand a li’l better. Thanks again!!

  • Zoe August 22, 2012, 5:11 am

    iv been with my husband 5years in dec 2012, married since oct 2011 and had our first child in 2010, busy busy. we just went on our honeymoon in june to then come home and 2weeks later he tells me he doesnt love me anymore and hasnt for months (wel we have been tryn for a baby all year) . i feel so lost and hurt he doesnt no why etc. iv now moved out and am trying to get him to see that i still have a fun side etc but i feel like its falling on deaf ear. weve been and talkd with some1 but he said from day 1 first session that he didnt wana work on thing. he still says things very now and then that make me feel their is hope but still things that make it seem like more of a brake.iv askd him ona date next week to go out and have some fun and he seems keen so exciting :) Please help i just want my happy fam back under the same roof, i love him more then anything i just want him to wake up to what he is losing. am i doing the rite thing?

  • Jocey August 22, 2012, 2:49 pm

    Ive been with my hunny for about two years already, and we are expecting our first baby together. Ever since I got pregnant and moved in with him I feel that our love just isnt the same…. We haven’t been intimate for days now and I feel sometimes that I just don’t attract him anymore. I even cought him looking at porn and I feel that I’m not doing something right.. Seeing that made me feel less than a woman because he would rather look at othe women than to lay with me. For weeks now all we do is fight and ignore each other I just can’t stand it. Are we falling out of love??? What should I do to spice us back up?

  • Monique September 1, 2012, 1:01 am

    I have a very complicated situation and just needing some advice. We have been together for 4 years and had alot of ups and downs. My partner who is 14 years older than me has a son from a previous relationship that lives with us permanently. We broke up after about a year because he still had issues from the previous chick leaving. I began seeing other people and was living the 20yr old lifestyle. He then told me he’d gotten over everything and wanted me back. I loved him then but was really enjoying doing things people my age were doing but i went back and things were ok. The biggest issue we had was him being very unemotional and affectionate towards me. This all changed once we got back together. I have since then become very out of love with him which makes me very angry and we argue all the time, over everything. I honestly think he has fallen out of love with me to because there is no love or affection in our relationship anymore and it makes me really depressed. The thing that makes it more complicated is I am 2 weeks away from having our baby and all I really feel like doing is walking out. Could someone please help? =(

    • Andrew November 25, 2012, 1:31 pm

      Chin up. It could be worse. It could be raining. Why do people do the things they do? I don’t know. Don’t ask yourself what you should do. Instead ask yourself, what would a free man do?

  • Cole September 9, 2012, 7:25 pm

    I need help please. Ok so I’ve been with my gf for 5 years and 1 month we are both 21 and each others first but 3 months ago she said she was falling out of love with me (we also lost a very close friend to a car accident which seems like it affected her in a diff way) anyways I’ve been staying at her house alot lately and about 2 weeks ago she said she wanted time to see if she will miss me so I haven’t been around we still talk and we are also still dating but today she said she doesn’t miss me and that says something and I just keep sayin I’ll do whatever it takes and never give up because she is my world id do anything for her so If I could have some advice it’d be greatly appreciated!

    • Andrew November 25, 2012, 1:41 pm

      I had a very close mate die in February this year. A part of me died with him and I’ve never been the same person since. I don’t know if this helps or not. I went cold towards love for ages. Think I might still be cold, but I’m trying to love again. It’s hard. Give her time. She’ll need a few months. The best part of a year. Maybe more. But if you’re willing to wait… One can only hope… Not a day goes past I don’t think about him. I’d give anything to have him back. Understand that she hasn’t stopped loving you. She’s stopped loving everything. It’ll take time to start loving things again. Her friends will be first, so watch out for that. Actually, my friends were the only things I didn’t stop loving… I don’t know if she’ll be the same as me… But this is as much advice as I can give you from my experiences. I’m 19.

  • Jeffrey September 12, 2012, 8:18 pm

    I have known my wife for two years and been married for 18 months. 3 of the months we have been separated. She is living with her parents and I rent a room. She is filing for divorce tomarrow. It will take 2 months before I go to divorce court. She says she loves me, but is not in love with me. All her family and her counciler tells her to divorce me. she still is in contact with me, and says after the divorce we can go out together as friends. I need help to save the marriage. I, with all my heart do not want this divorce. Please help me.

    • Erica September 17, 2012, 7:25 pm

      I hate to hear such a thing BUT I truly believe that you can save your marriage. I have not been married before but I would like to think that I know a thing or two about Love. Have just the two of you sat down and talked? I mean really talked! Without angry, IF any is there, without friends and their opinions etc. Have the two of you been going to seek help? Haveyou asked her how the two of you can get back to Love? Have you asked her if she would please hold off on the divorce so that the two of you can date SLOWLY and see where things go from there? Have you asked what helped her to fall out of Love with you and does she think the two of you could EVER work it out? I realize that when two people are going their own way, questions SHOULD be asked because there may be simple things that can be done to prevent the continued heart ache. i know you two may have done things such as I have listed BUT dig deeper. Get answers and, be romantic. Be more in touch with how she speaks, acts, things she says. Ask why and how. Tell her you want to make her happy and want to try going to see someone for the first time or again… Effort is everything even if it doesn’t work out. I hope you the best and keep us posted.

  • Jessica September 25, 2012, 10:32 am

    HELP! My husband and I have been married a year and I’m not “in love” anymore but still couldnt live without him. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m just used to him or if I should listen to that feeling. I want to avoid divorce as much as any other person! He said he can see me slipping away but he doesn’t know what to do and I myself don’t know what to tell him to do, also I feel like if I do tell him what to do it will defeat the purpose to begin with. I just want to be in love again.

    • Erica September 25, 2012, 10:46 am

      I wisht hat I WERE in your situation!!! I personally beleive that since you two have only been married a year, that you CAN get that Love back. Have you two ever thought about going to speak with someone about what is going on? Do make sure to keep your friends and family OUT of your marriage and NOT listen to all of the confusing thoughts? I am no longer in love with my boyfriend, hence why I will not marry him, but oour situation is due to the fact that he has done horrible things in the PAST and I can’t seem to get over them because his change is slow as far as in growth in other areas. I’m happy that the two of you CAN sit down and speak about what you feel or lack there of but you ARE right in feeling that you don not want to TELL him how to make you fall in love gain. Maybe the two of you can start by you two doing things separte when it comes to finding out more information. My boyfriend and I tried this book…which worked until he screwed things up again. It’s called The 5 Love languages. We also tried The Love Dare. I’m not sure what you like to read but ir IS worth it. We went to Amazon and Google in order to order books and read articles on how I could fall back in love with him or how to make things better. BUT do not believe every article you read. If you doubt it even a little, then move to the next. We at times read together and at times, such as The Love Dare, read and completed some of the things separate. You don’t have to know one anothers movtive and next move. Just put you all in it and ask that he do the same because you WANT to be with him. I hope and pray that at least some of this information works for you if you have not tried it already. i hope you two the best and stay hopeful!!!

  • notsure October 10, 2012, 1:45 pm

    I’m engaged to the man of my nightmares!!!! I have two boys ages 18 and 15. I thought I loved him until he moved in with me. He used to be gone for work every other 2 days but he just got a new job where he is home ever night! He is begging for attention all the time by starring at me to see if I look at him. He always has to be touching me. If my kids need to ask me something they will wait until I am alone before they talk to me because he tries to take over the convo between me and my kids. If I get up out of bed to get something from the kitchen he will follow me. He says its so he can be close to me. I dont think I am over-reacting but I am starting to hate this man that I thought I once loved!!! What do I do??? We are set to get married in March 2013!!!!!

    • Chad October 11, 2012, 10:56 am

      The first line of your comment says it all. Keep in mind that if you had a man that went out every other night with his boys and drank and messed with other women. He gives you the attention. The attention some other women wish they had from their men but that is the nature of the beast. Whatever your decission. Make sure you make it based on not only how you feel but what you can live with. Good luck.

  • Sean October 17, 2012, 5:51 pm

    Ok ladies. I know everything I say will be offensive to you in some way. But that is not my intention. I figure if the rest of this “stalkerish” stuff doesn’t work and all else fails , take it from a mans perspective. When a man says he is falling out of love , it’s code for , your boring. I know , it hurts. Problem is , he has fantasies. Try to get really wild next time you get a chance to have sex. Make him feel like he’s 18. Spark it. Do something you would never normally do. Go out of the box. Men love with their bodies. Women live with their hearts. Although you may not want to believe that because most women believe in this knight in shining armor , it’s true. Love is not like the notebook , so quit holding these high expectations of what you think love is. Just go with the flow. And DO NOT go out of your way to buy him ice cream bars when he’s out jut because you want him to love you. When he opens the freezer , he thinks , cool ice cream. nOTHING MORE ! And to be honest. The clingy stuff , buying him stuff all the time , not gonna work. If anything you’ll end up with a restraining order eventually. That stuff freaks guys out. Give him space , communicate. And if he decides he made a mistake , he will come around. But when someone falls out of love , it’s not fair to them to stalk their every missing thing and replace it. It’s not fair to try and make him fall in love again. The biggest way to get to a guy is , pretend. Pretend it doesn’t bother you. Pretend when your in public or in the sheets that he is the sexiest man you have ever seen. Ego is a way to a mans heart. Now if he’s a douche bag playing with your heart and this seems like a routine in your relationship , then ladies move on. Because someone should only have to show their true colors once for you to believe it. Don’t be miserable. Live life. Go somewhere exotic. Be an animal. Love life.

    • Andrew November 25, 2012, 1:54 pm

      Hahaha! “Be an animal”… Love it. I think I’m falling out of love with my girlfriend because she hasn’t stocked up my freezer with my favourite ice cream. See how stupid this sounds, girls? Nobody is happy with their life. They always want what they don’t have or what someone else has. It’s stupid. Understand that the vast majority of things all humans do is instinctive. Even “love”. Back in caveman times, the cavemen that stuck together with (loved) their woman were more likely to have a successful child than the ones that just banged and left. Because the caveman was there to protect the woman and the child. And this “loving” instinct carried on to the child. And so on and so on. Everything we are and feel is instinctive. Fear of the dark. It’s instinct. Hunger… The list goes on forever! Everything is originally a mutation. If it’s successful it’s passed on. Otherwise it dies off. Live in the moment and accept death when it comes.

  • lacy October 18, 2012, 9:54 am

    Hi im in a situation similar. Ibecaum engaged with my girlfriend and we have been together for almost 2 years and all we do is fuss. Two months back we seperated because i was feeling that she was liking someone else and when i would bring it up she would tell me no she has always been faithful to me. For some reason i kept feeling that way and she wanted me out the house because it always led to agruements. By spending time apart really affected me in many ways because we didnt communicate during that time and when i wanted to talk she didnt. It made feel like it was all my fault but i only explained how i felt because i seen alot of texts in her phone that didnt seem normal i was wrong but i felt i needed proof to why i felt that was hiding somethang. Within that month from each other she called saying she miss me and she wantedme to come back. The time apart help me realize that i should trust in her and have fath. Now that im back she says ive change meaning that i dont hold a convo like i use to with her and by that she says shes not in love with me like she use to be. I dont know what to do i love her with all my heart and i want to give back the person i was the person she fell in love with. I think that distance and lack of communication changed me cause i never been through seperation before

  • Kate October 22, 2012, 4:55 pm

    Erica! I am in the exact same situation as you! I can’t seem to get over things that happened in the past, when I thought I would be able to at that time. Now he is so different and I can’t seem to fall back in love because I had to disengage myself in the past. He is a good person and I love him, I’m just not IN love with him anymore, and I truly want to be again. Any advice?!

  • Halz November 5, 2012, 6:50 pm

    Hey, I don’t even know what is going on with my head.. I’ve known my boyfriend for 2months now and we met in college, it didn’t even take a month of college and we started dating, back then I loved him so much and I really wanted him, its been a month we’ve been together for and I am losing that love for him, before whenever he used to call I used to make sure that I never miss it but now when he calls it doesn’t really bother me. I seriously don’t wanna lose that love for him, what shall I do? I don’t wanna break up with him :( im very confused :’(

  • L.J November 8, 2012, 4:16 pm

    Me & My Boyfriend Have Been Talking For 3 Years. We’ve Been On & Off For Two Years. He Loves Me But I Dont Know If I Love Him. We’ve Been Fighting A Lot. Mostly Cause Of Me. I Keep Getting Mad Over The Littlest Things. I Think I Love Him. But I Think Its Cause He Hurt Me So Much That I Dont Feel The Same Anymore. I Need Help In Order To Fall Back In Love With Him.

  • anna November 13, 2012, 12:41 am

    I fell in love with the man I married right out of high school. He was raised in a small farming community, and came from a very large and caring family. After nine months of dating we got engaged. Although we were madly in live with each other, he always seened to have higher priorities like hunting, when it came to spending time with me. After we gor married, it seems everything came out. His anger. He would break things and even beat our dog. He never went to college, so his jobs payed little. I worked more than 70 hours a week and when i would get home from work, the house would be filthy. I would try so hard to tell myself that everything was normal.I eventually became chronically depressed and had an affair. When he found out he broke everything in our home, hurt me physically and kicked me out. We have since been to counseling and i know that he’s changed but i cant forgive or love him. I am a Christian and i want to save my marriage. Help!

    • Silverstone November 19, 2012, 12:59 am

      Anna, I’ll just be honest. Doesn’t sound like the marriage is worth saving. I know you don’t want to hear that. I’m in the same sort of situation myself. Sometimes we just pick the wrong person for all kinds of what seem like very good reasons at the time. Bottom line is not what you or I think, it’s what we feel. Give it enough time but if you don’t feel anything anymore for him and there are no kids involved then it seems like a no-brainer to me. Go live your life free!

  • Silverstone November 17, 2012, 5:30 pm

    I’ve been married to my wife for 20 years. We have 2 kids, 13 and 9 yrs old. My wife threatens divorce everyday for the last gosh must be 8 yrs. I make a good living and we live in the country a bit isolated but not outrageously so. It’s about 1/2 hour drive to the supermarket and about an hour away from a major city. She is post menopausal at this point. I had a brain tumor a few years ago and after the surgery I have to be checked for re-currence with MRIs every 6 mos. Still got 2 or 3 more years of these MRIs. I run a business from home so I rarely leave anymore and am always here working or just being available for customers to call to place orders. I’ve tried to get her into counseling but she won’t go. I went for awhile myself but it didn’t help me that much and I don’t want to waste money. I feel boxed in and I think I know what to do if I want out but I’m not sure the marriage is un-salvageable. Any advice?

  • Silverstone November 19, 2012, 1:11 am

    Followup to my last post: If anyone out there is suffering under an abusive relationship and needs help to get out of it, please let us know how we can help. Emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse in many ways. Somtimes we get co-dependent and need someone to shake us out of our laziness in not standing up for ourselves. Sometimes there are kids that hold us there.There are many reasons we get caught in a rut and it’s noble to fight to hold onto our marriages but ultimately a decision will have to be made for the good of everyone in your family. Comments?

  • Sonia at EssentialPractice November 19, 2012, 2:42 pm

    Yes that’s true, just because you are not throwing dishes and yelling at your spouse that your marriage could be at risk. There are couples how don’t communicate anymore, and that does put your marriage at risk.

  • Maxx November 25, 2012, 8:23 am

    I’v been in a relationship for 4 years I have a 3 year old daughter, I moved 2000 miles away to be with them. I can be honest i haven’t been a good person for most of them and i was miserable . We got into a fight a few weeks ago. She told me she didn’t love me anymore I was crushed but then it hit me like a ton of bricks I fell madly in love with her all over again. And that’s the problem she didn’t would love any help..

    • Andrew November 25, 2012, 1:57 pm

      Tell her you’re sorry?

      • Andrew November 25, 2012, 2:00 pm

        Proper apologies have three parts:

        1) What I did was wrong.
        2) I feel badly that I hurt you.
        3) How do I make this better?

        No idea if this helps you or not…

  • Ccjones November 26, 2012, 10:58 am

    I have been with my husband for over 15 years we have 3 kids and I loved him every single second of those years. A love so deep I would have gladly given my life for him. In fact I did I stayed home and took care of everything he didn’t even know how to work the dishwasher! This was all fine by me until I found out he had had a series of 1 night stands. I was devistated i spent 3 months crying everyday I was even contemplating suicide at one point. He says he’s sorry he loves me and wants to work on things. He is doing everything I could ask him for but I just can’t love him anymore it’s hard to even pretend. I know intellectually that our marriage is more important than a few isolated incidences. I’ve read all the books and gone to 3 marriage therapists but I just can’t. I’m not angry anymore I can laugh and joke with him talk to him and have sex with him but I just don’t feel any love! I have gone back to work and won’t ever be foolish enough to be financially dependent on someone but I miss the emotional connection it’s gone. Is this a time heals all wounds situation and i need to wait it out until i feel love again or should i be moving on? Help!

  • Depressed December 6, 2012, 8:58 pm

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and he is perfect to me always so loving and everything, recently I’ve been feeling really depressed because I haven’t been working, all I do really is stay at home or I spend time at his house and I don’t have many friends to hang out with. My depression has changed how I feel about him, I don’t feel in love with him anymore. I don’t feel the usual joy when I kiss him or when he compliments me. I know it is the depression because it has happened to me before and I felt in love with him again after the depression lifted. I don’t know if this is normal or not, I’ve heard that depression reduces the dopamine releases in your brain which causes the feeling of being in love so I suspect that is what has happened. I just feel terrible because he has been trying so hard to make me feel better but nothing really works. He has been so supportive through all this and even offered to give me money to go to the doctor to get help.

  • Jess December 25, 2012, 5:03 am

    I am 18 years old, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now but known him for 3. Since day one I feel head over heels for him, but in the past year my feelings for him have been coming and going and now they seem to be gone all together. I want to love him.
    I have been looking for an article to help me. This one did.

    I would like to thank you, I am going to try and get the love back. Thank you.

  • SKB December 29, 2012, 10:30 pm

    I have been with my fiance for 5 years til recently he broke it off with me. He said it was because of what I had done before we had our daughter. We lost a baby & she was my 7th loss. I took it harder than I expected & my drs said that I may not be able to have kids & I knew how badly he wanted them so I left thinking it was for the best. I couldn’t stay away long because I do love him, but we fought a lot so we broke it off again. I had gone to a party with my friends & my ex was there. I honestly don’t remember this but my friend said that I had slept with my ex. May I say that my friend & my ex absolutely hated my fiance, he took me away from them & they were insanely jealous of him. A month later I went to the hosptial because of pains, where I found out I was pregnant. The dr said that I had gotten pregnant the night of that party. Before I had found out I was pregnant I was trying to work on my relationship with my fiancee, but after I found out & it was in my head that this baby was not his I had a melt down & didn’t talk to him for over a week. I had to tell my ex & he smiled about it & was nice – so I figured that we really did do something because of that. I got back with my fiancee within a month & we talked about everything & he said he forgave me & if it really is my exs he would love the baby as his own & that was it. My daughter is his & boy can you tell! Fast forward 3 years… we are fighting about everything it seems like. He gets mad about money issues & then it turns into what I had done to him 3 years before. I did not cheat on him. He recently broke it off with me (3 weeks ago now) because of what I had done. His friend in the meantime decided to try hooking him up with his aunt & he has lied about a bunch of things that have to do with her. He says they haven’t slept together, but she told me that he tried to. There is a bunch of lies & the scary thing is that this girl looks a lot like me. She has the red hair, freckles, pale skin, short, likes the same things I do. He swears they are just frineds but I don’t know what to believe anymore. I have done everything I possibly could to make him happy & I feel like a failure. I don’t know if I should give up or not. He gives me mixed signals all the time, he said that he loved me & wants to work it out, but the next day he doesn’t remember saying it. I love him with everything I have, but I don’t know if I should back off & give him some space so he can think or should I fight for what I want. I keep hearing different things — fight for what you want & then I hear if its meant to be it will come back to me. Please someone help me… I don’t 5 years to just go down the drain!

  • Reva January 18, 2013, 1:33 am

    Hey, I meet my husband when I was 13, got married at 17 he is seven years older than I. do the math. However, for the last 20 some years, I have been so so sad, and never feel that he loves me. He don’t show it affection toward me act’s embarrassed of me in front of people. Cower me down with his eyes, and make me feel I have to shut up. He has denied me of things I want, and act as though he is put out of me. I could write a book on this. We got married as Christians. I thought we were. so over the years, I would work 2 and 3 jobs to afford the clothes, and but the things I wanted, and turn my money over to him from my first job to help pay the bills. There is so much I don’t know how to really tell it all. All, That I wanted was LOVE. Don’t cost a thing. In the year of 2000 I started drilling him and talking to him why he don’t do this and don’t do that. Why he don’t snuggle me, touch me, and all I do was crave his warmth and love. I was listening to Dr. Jeremiah talking on marriage, I followed him up to the bathroom as many times before. I was like a scared dog with it’s tail tucked between its legs, trying to talk to him. His reaction was just brushing his teeth and not even acknowledged I was even there talking to him. I would always ask permission like a child to do this to go there, and he never wanted me to have friends. If I did, they were devils, they were scum of the earth, God, don’t want me hanging with those Kind of people. Always excuse’s one after the other, then me working 3 jobs he wanted my money. I freely gave it always, because loving him wanted to make him happy. But loving me was never there and never to make me happy, to snuggle me at night wanting to be close to me, to gaze into my eyes. Ok, back to the talk he got mad at me and threw comet on me and called me a BITCH. I have placed now after 30 years of marriage to him, recorders and a camera, and got glitches of him with a guy in my truck, and his genital, my husbands out, it is dark and I got mad and confronted him and he said I am crazy , I am mental he is worried about me. I put another on in while I am at work, well confronting him, he is searching down and turns out the lights, and a light comes on and a glitch of a strange boy lot younger than him on my front room floor, so should I stay he is denying it all, even now and acting like a Christina. So what should I do?????

  • Dustin G. February 13, 2013, 10:41 am

    My wife and I have been together for two years, and married since last July (2012). Even before our wedding, she noticed that I was losing the charm and affection towards her that I had shown for the first year of our relationship. Our love life, since then has really fallen off the radar. We seem more like roommates who are good friends. I love this beautiful woman and don’t want to lose her, but she has warned me that her patience is wearing more thin by the day. I try to be close to her, or at least I think I do, but I’ve spent too much time fearing losing the marriage and not enough time doing things to strengthen it. People I know have tried to assure me that the initial year of marriage can be a struggle at times, but with so little physicality in our relationship, I feel helpless and that my days as a husband are numbered.

  • MaybeIcanMaybeIcant February 21, 2013, 10:43 am

    So I have read lots of posts and I think in time factors, I have the most years in, I am married 20 years together 24.. I knew I was no longer in love with my husband but did the robotics of cook, clean, tend the children, go to work and have sex.. all to save money and be prepared to leave. As I was in my final 6 months to leave ( everything still robotic, no fun and lacks luster) I met someone.. as I was planning to leave and told my husband as such, and told him about the affair, .. He has begged me not to move out, wants to forgive me for all doings and wants to fix our life… sad to admit, I don’t think I want too … I spent nearly 2 years asking him to go places and do things and be a part of activities, from car shows to boating, shopping, vacations etc ) I can remember 3 times that he actually went along. I think I am in love with the other person, but I have agreed to stay and attempt to work at this.. except now my husband thinks because I agreed to stay that everything is good, Oh look here I did this, look over there I did that ( I didnt complain he doesnt clean house, I complained he doesnt do anything adventurous he doesnt dream.). ……okay lets be intimate.. I am sitting here saying… nothing has changed other than the fact he continues to tell me how much he loves me he wants to be with me and how beautiful I am ….. I am not even attracted to him to want to be intimate, I dont really want him to kiss me or hold me.. Ahhhhhhh I am so confused and wonder, how long do I let this go until I tell him, it’s not working for me.

    • Lee February 23, 2013, 8:54 pm

      Wow!! I am so glad i Read your story. I feel the same way!! And i do not know what to do. I hear from everyone…. its hard for woman. BUT everyday i Cry becasue I am so unhappy and i do not want to continue on this path of being unhappy!!!!!

      • MaybIcanMaybeIcant February 24, 2013, 9:53 am

        I told him on Feb 6th that I had already moved things out, I then moved them back, we agreed maybe time apart would be good, I moved the items back out again, he begged me not to go.. I moved the stuff back.. yesterday, he told me to pack my things and go. I decided thats what I am doing, today, he suggested we divide the house and co exist, but there will be no dating or staying out late with co workers ( he is still controlling my every move) so I was thinking how long will it last until he again tells me to leave. I am planning to move out by Friday, I cannot handle the roller coaster of I love you and cant live without you to the following day Get out. He seems to lack the understanding, my daytime is spend caring for the house and 5 peoples details ( college, high school, taxes, health care PLUS our 3 year has autism) speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy… and then I work 2nd shift… I suppose I am not supposed to do anything that includes relax and entertainment? pfftthhh he is a great guy, just don’t think he is for me any longer.

  • Andrew February 22, 2013, 2:44 am

    Think about the kids. I think people are very selfish nowadays. They neglect their responsibilities. Love is a mind game. You’ve convinced yourself you’re not happy. People never want what they have. They always want what they can’t have. Or what someone else has.

  • MayIcanMaybIcant February 22, 2013, 8:02 am

    Sorry Andrew, staying for the childrens sake is NEVER an option, you’re just teaching them, that being unhappy is okay…so yes.. think about the kids, happy parents = happy stable kids, fortunately my two oldest are on their way to college, my youngest he isn’t even old enough to understand.

    • Andrew February 22, 2013, 8:53 am

      Nobody likes a step parent. That’s just a fact of life. But you’ll do as you will. You sound like you’ve already made up your mind.

    • Allie March 6, 2013, 10:52 pm

      If you have kids, you need to be committed. Don’t even have kids unless you’re in it for the long haul. There’s no sense in contributing to overpopulation and then being selfish and breaking up your family.

      • MaybeIcan MaybeIcant March 11, 2013, 11:05 am

        Allie do us a favor, go away, you obviously are attempting to comment on a situation that you’re clueless about.

        Update: My husband and I are back together, it’s going to be an uphill battle but until I pointed out the obvious, he didn’t even realize how lonely it was being married to him. As for the guy I was seeing, well, I haven’t seen or talked to him in a week, I blocked him on my cell phone, asked him not to call and not to come into my place of employment. As a great plus, my employer asked me to transfer locations due to increased sales, so that will help to eliminate me running into him. The guy I was seeing actually helped me to realize how fabulous my husband is and can be and also that I still love my husband. Bye Bye to the disrespectful selfish boyfriend.

  • MaybeIcanMaybeIcant February 22, 2013, 9:37 am

    No decisions made, I turned the key back in on my rental home, no one said anything about step parents :) and considering my oldest 2 are 18 and 20.. they can be more adult than a spiteful 12 year old.

  • Hannah March 6, 2013, 10:49 pm

    My husband is deployed overseas for the second time, and I’m finding that I’m falling out of love, and it’s settled into more of a friendship. I haven’t cheated, haven’t even come close to cheating or been tempted to. I don’t want to leave him either. He’s my best friend in the whole world. But lately, I feel like that’s all he is. (We don’t have children either.)

    Lately, it just feels weird to say “I love you”. I say it anyway, but it feels weird. And it used to be I wanted to talk to him every second we could. Now I’m just kind of burnt out.

    I miss the feeling of falling in love. I wonder sometimes if maybe I shouldn’t have gotten married, and just dated guys for the rest of my life. The feeling of falling in love is so addictive, and new relationships are so exciting. I want that back.

    I honestly did not feel this way at all until his second deployment. Yes, when we were living together some of the mystery was gone, but we still had fun together and I still felt like we were in love. Maybe it’s just because he’s been gone so long, and maybe that feeling will come back when he’s home. I’d never tell him any of this, because it would hurt him. And I’d never talk to anyone I know in person about it, because that would be disrespectful to him. But I feel like it’s eating away at me.

    I have and always will show him love. But I just wish there was some non-cliche advice that someone could give me to actually FEEL in love again.

    • Nathan Stewart March 9, 2013, 10:40 am

      I bent its just because you haven’t had that physical contact with him. When you talk to him what are your conversation like? Do you guys just talk about whats going on with both of you and how things are going ? What i think you can try is send him a sexy picture of yourself with a note. I guarantee he will call you and thank you, telling you how pretty you are. This just might create sparks for him again. I hope this helps and i wish the best to you and your husband. I realize that men don’t always stop and take the time to tell there ladys how pretty they are or do the small things. As you can see what happened to me from the post below. I made my girlfriend fall from so deeply in love with me to out of love with me. Just because i didn’t show her that i cared. :-(

  • Nathan Stewart March 9, 2013, 4:46 am

    Hello i need some help and advice. My relationship went from good to bad. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. We met when we were 18 and we could not get enough of eachother. We are both 24 now and we moved in together for college in September. She has been asking me for a engagement ring and how she considers herself more then just a girlfriend. I agreed with her. We went to go look at rings and she told me i didn’t seem interested, because i was on my phone. She asked me if i didn’t like her in this way, i said of course i do. We went again on February 3rd and we were in the jewelers for 3 hours. This time i payed attention. She picked out two different ones and told me to surprise her and that valentines day was coming up. Valentines day came around and i didn’t get it for her. She worked all day so we didn’t really do anything. All i did for her was make a card and i gave her a pair of earings that were 3 dollars. She was kind of upset. Then 5 days later she was kind of distant and mean towards me. Then another 2 days went by she came home from work and said she needed to talk. She told me that she has be angry towards me lately and i haven’t made her happy in awhile. She told me i was to comfortable with her and that i don’t do the little things for her anymore. This is were i made the biggest mistake of my life. I got all defensive and told her that i don’t have the money or the time to go to the mall and buy her a gift a day. I told her that I’m not her parents that make 400k and that i probably never will. I wish i could take this day back so bad. It gets worse i asked her if she wanted to break up, she said no and then asked me the same question. I said sure. She asked me if i wanted to fix things and if i even cared. Of course i was a jerk and said no, not really meaning what i said. The next day i went to school all day on purpose and completely avoided her, she told me some time a go that she was going out with her work friends on Saturday. So she was getting ready to go out and she notice i was getting ready to. She asked me what i was doing and that i better not go to the same place as her. As i was leaving she told me that i better not bring any girls back to her bed, i said that i couldnt promise that. I know I’m a jerk, im not ususally like this. So i got home later that night and she never came home. I found out that some kid that she works with just turmed 21 and kissed her that night. She told me it was a mistake but i know she still talks to him. She has been making me sleep on the couch and won’t let me touch her anymore. According to her we are both single and she has been talking about me moving back home after the semester is over in may. I took all this vary vary hard. I usually don’t show my emotions but i was a mess. I told her how i felt about her. She didn’t seem to care. PLEASE HELP ME, she means everything to me and the hardest thing is that i see her everyday looking so beautiful and can’t even kiss her. After a week and a half i sat down with her. I asked her if she ever felt that i just like having her around rather me being in love with her. She said yes. I told her that I was sorry and that i know i haven’t done anything for her in awhile. She told me that she hates to see me sad and that she loves me but shes just not in love with me. She said she doesn’t even feel sad. I asked her if she would ever take me back, she said she wants it to workout between us but she just doesn’t know if it will. This kills me because i know its my fault. She says she not talking to anyone else but i know for a fact that she has been talking to this kid that just turned 21. I feel like this kid is just telling her what she wants to hear. I already tried buying her flowers and jewelry. Nothing works. We don’t argue at all, im just the sadest guy ever. I NEED HELP PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO, THIS GIRL IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. DO YOU THINK WE HAVE A CHANCE GETTING BACK TOGETHER ?

    • demanding women March 11, 2013, 11:00 am

      She cannot dictate when you propose, forcing love is like forcing a fart, usually shit. She is still angry and hurt that you didn’t ask in the amount of time you expected.

    • BostonGirl May 6, 2013, 2:56 pm

      Wow, you sound like you never did love her, or even like her around the time she asked about marriage. And most couples in a loving relationship do bring that up, that’s how they know what the other person is thinking. Not cause they are being pushy. What gives with all that stuff of showing her.. no affection anyway? I mean, it sounded like, from your words, that you didn’t care until she stopped caring so highly back. Seems like you needed this lesson on how to treat a woman, like a woman you care about, and not someone you can toss out. Sorry if this is harsh, but just let her be. She is better off without you, even with this other guy…since you never cared anyway.

  • MTD April 23, 2013, 4:26 pm


  • Bri May 23, 2013, 5:18 am

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year & 4 months. We knew each other for 2 years & some change. We were going through some rough times & I cheated on him around 6th months in the relationship with a guy, that I can talk intellectually with. (I’m a person that loves to talk & my boyfriend doesn’t really) I felt so bad but I didn’t tell him until a few weeks before our 1 year anni, he was pissed off. but said he still loves me and wants to be with me. On our 1 year we had a big fight cause I went through his phone while he was sleeping and saw through out our relationship he was talking to other girls in a way I don’t approve of. I’m a insecure type of weird girl so I really took it to heart. I screamed & cried at him & he said sorry, but he actually has never committed infidelity. So he looks at the bigger picture to it. We argued non stop til march. I kind of held resentment towards him. I didn’t wanna talk, he use to annoy me and stuff. Now, I felt like he held resentment because things changed. He doesn’t write me poems anymore, he doesn’t call me cute nicknames, we use to call each other every night on facetime, we couldnt sleep without the presence of each other on the phone, now it’s less & less, we don’t say I love you & I miss you as much & it just seems to dull between us. I use to question him non stop, if he loves me, how does he feel about me & stuff & he’d tell me the same thing over and over. Now I’m questioning if I really love him since all the excitement, butterflies & cute stuff has gone, I see on here that you guys say love isn’t an feeling but an action but I don’t get that. He tells me I’m his everything, he loves me more then everything & I believe he does. But that feeling back. I don’t know if our love has matured onto the next stage, where we our actually just comfortable being ourselves. But he us my bestfriend & I want to be with him & only him. I’m also a negative thinker, which doesn’t help me in my situation. I just really want to be with him & feel what I once felt before. I know I have to fix my insecurities & trust him but I just want to be happy with him. I know I can, this is just my first actual relationship I want to give my all & love hard. I’m scared. I cry all the time. I don’t want to loose this. When I’m with him, everything is fine, when I’m away from him my mind is 100 miles per min. Please help me with advice.

  • C.J June 11, 2013, 1:40 pm

    i’m in a relationship with a girl i loved the most. we are in a relationship from last few years. everything was going so good we never had any real argument. i live with my family and i love them too. my girlfriend also liked them they know each other before we get in a relationship. me and my girlfriend were really very happy. in fact we were about to marry each other. but one day after an conversation with my mom for may be around 1 hour that she don’t want to marry me, at least not now. she said that she loves me but she can’t stay with my family she said if i leave my family then she will marry me but i don’t want to leave my mom. i love my mom very much she did too much for me and now when it my turn to return the favor at that point i can’t leave her but i can’t stay without my girlfriend also. my mom actually like my girlfriend but i don’t know why my girlfriend is doing like that.. may be there are some misunderstanding. i tried to clear it out but anything that i tried didn’t work at all. now she is telling me that i’m not at the same place that i was before in her heart. i’m feeling like that i’m loosing her. man i really don’t want to loose her. i’ve changed a lot just so i can be a guy that she wants but now it looks like everything is going to waste. can some one please help me out. i just want everything to be normal. please

  • Clara June 26, 2013, 5:36 pm

    My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. For the first three years of our marriage my husband talked flirted sent pictures back and forth with many women. I was desperately in love with him and the only thing I could think about doing was saving our marriage and keeping us together no matter what. About 2 years ago my feelings towards him started changing. He’s told me on several occasions that the only reason why we got married was because I forced him to but that was during the 3 years he was messing around. Now he says that I am his world and that he couldn’t live without me. I stayed with him through all the hard times so why is it now when things are good that I don’t want to be with him anymore

    • Dark July 15, 2013, 5:57 am

      People change, Clara. I think you’ve been hurt too often till you eventually just give up.People only regret when they no longer have that someone.

  • T.M July 15, 2013, 5:54 am

    ive been with my girlfriend for over three years. in those 3 years, there have been ups and downs. honestly, “being understanding” is her bottom line. all she ever wanted in a relationship is someone that truly understands her. recently, we broke up, having she said “ive fallen out of love” “ive enough of your hurting”. right now, we are just remaining as friends. despite that, she still loves me very much. but the only problem is that she dont dare to be with me again. As she cant take one more, or even any more hurt. i am not rushing her or anything. i am willing to keep trying to improve the situation at every given opportunity. So, guys, do you think there is a chance?? and if you’ve any idea how to make your girlfriend have faith and trust in you again, please tell me.

  • EasyLOVE July 15, 2013, 10:07 pm

    I AM that girl at this moment. I have been hurt SOOO many times by this man and all he can do is say he is sorry. He is no longer actually continuing to cause pain but what he has done over the years has built a great amount of resentment in my heart for him. Don’t get me wrong, I love him but I truly feel that if one loves you, TRULY loves you, they will never do certain things. They take your heart into consideration and if they do hurt you, they don’t do it again. I hate to hear that she has left you BUT I also compliment her because she has the strength that I do not and that is to leave when you feel unloved OR unappreciated. All I can say to you is that oyu have either lost her for good because she refuses to be with you OR you better work your BUTT OFF to not only tell her but you HAVE to show her that you are not capable of hurting her inthose ways EVER again. Try counsling or talking to your pastor, keep all others out of your business and commit to HER and her healing. It took you how ever long to hurt so it will take a while for her to forgive you IN her heart. Once hurt, a person HAS to be able to trust you again because they NEVER want to feel that pain again and the only way you can do that is to NEVEr do those things again and do things to SHOW her instead of always telling her. Instead of talking about it, be about it. Don’t ask HER what you have ot do to win her back, step up and do what your heart wants to do when it comes to showing her and making her feel like she is the world to you and you never want to let her go. Speaking as a woman in pain, PLEASE never hirt her again. Make her FEEL loved. She is right, we just want to be understood. Talk to her and listen to what she has to say. Treat her with care and be a man that you never thought of being.Simple things go a long way. The 5 love languages is a pretty good booka nd so is the book called The Love Dare. Step outside of the norm and try new things. I pray that this helps even a little.

  • T July 30, 2015, 2:54 pm

    My girlfriend and I had been together for almost 5 years now. She was was 16 and I was 19 when we first stared talking. I had some baggage with me and still had a little feeling left for a girl that I was close with but it didn’t work and and we decided to remain friends. We were never intimate with each other either. The most we ever did was hug. Anyway, when my (I guess now ex) gf and I started seeing each other, I still kept in touch with this other girl (she would participate in events where I had a part time job). Well my gf found out and was pretty upset so we broke things off for about a month and then got back together. She didn’t want me talking to this other girl anymore so I didn’t go out of my way to talk to her but I didn’t block her number on my phone. About 8 months after we got back together, she hooked up with a guy one night while I was in the same room. I was devastated and asked why and never got a straight answer from her. I figured it was payback. But we split for about another month and got back together. At this point I had started my career with a chemical company and quit my part time job, so I never had to see that other girl. My gf also said she would keep her distance from the guy she cheated on me with. So about a year past and I was pretty unhappy with my job so I decided to go back to college which meant I need a part time job again. I got my old one back but didn’t work the events that the other girl would come to. I managed avoid those events at work for about a year. Also my gf and I were in a phenomenal relationship at this point. I really fell in love with her and knew she was the ONE for me. My boss told me one day that I had to work an event that this other girl would come to, I agreed to work and while working the event if I had to see this other girl, I wasn’t going to make things awkward by trying to ignore her. I worked in a concession stand at this event so I technically couldn’t ignore her, I had to take her order. Well she eventually came up to the window and asked for something and then asked how I was and I also asked how she was. Very small talk, never went in depth or anything and from that event on, if we talked to each other, that’s all it ever was was small talk. And I never went out of my way to work these events or try to talk to this girl. This girl also had a boyfriend that she had been with for awhile. So anyway, 3 of the almost 5 years my gf and I were together I managed to avoid this girl. No longer had feelings for her or anything. But I never told my gf that I talked to her sometimes at work, I just didn’t want her to get mad and I also didn’t think much of it. Before this summer, I was looking for an internship and managed to get an interview. The interview was out of state and around the same time as my birthday. The day before my birthday, I get this random text from the other girl “happy birthday, I know I’m early but I hope you have a good one”. I told her thanks and let it at that. Then I got another text from this girl asking “are you doing anything for lunch? I’ll treat you to lunch and we can catch up”. My gf was babysitting and I was pretty hungry so I didn’t think it would hurt anything, plus it was a free meal and also just lunch. I contemplated it for a bit and then decided to go ahead and have lunch. Also this girl is engaged now and has been for almost a year. Well to sum things up, my gf found out about it, I tried to lie to keep her from getting angry with me but she caught me in a lie over the phone. I met her when she got off from babysitting and owned up to what I had done and told her I didn’t tell her bc I knew she would have been angry. To be honest I should’ve never gone in the first place but I just wasn’t thinking and it was stupid on my part. Now she thinks I’ve been cheating on her with this girl but I told her I haven’t and I think she knows I’m telling the truth but she said she can’t beleive me right now. She broke up with me immediately and deleted any pics of us on social media and blocked me. I also ended up getting the out of state internship and told her I wanted to spend time with her before I had to leave. She spent almost everyday the last week I was home doing stuff with me which I was so grateful for. After about a month, she came with my sister to visit me (12 hr drive) but told me not to take it for anything more than what it was. We stayed in touch until the 4th of July weekend. I went home and spent the holiday with her and her family. The last day, we both got very emotional. I asked her if she wanted to work on things. She knew I did and she knows I still love her. She said she loved me too but she just doesn’t know what she wants right now and just needs time to find herself and be single for awhile. She also said she thought we shouldn’t talk anymore at least until I come home from the internship. I agreed to give her the space she needed. She’s been seeing other guys since we’ve been apart and now there’s one guy that she sees a lot. It’s killing me knowing that and it’s also killing me not talking to her. And I keep wanting to know if she’s going to want to work on our relationship when I get back or not. I’ve talked to some of her friends and family and most can’t believe that we broke up, we were that great together. Some think we will get back together but idk anymore. I’m so confused and heartbroken. She knows she means the world to me and she knows I want to work on things. She even told me I’m a great guy and that she’s forgiven me for lying. But I keep thinking that if I am a great guy and she’s forgiven me then why are we still broken up? Why doesn’t she want to work on things. Sometimes I feel like I’m overthinking this but I just can’t stop. She’s constantly on my mind. I just want to know how she feels and if she still wants to be with me. I would really appreciate any advice.

  • Eileen January 4, 2016, 4:05 pm

    My husband and I have been married almost 11 years. We have 8yr old triplets. We’ve been separated (he walked out) about 10 months. I love him very much and do not want a divorce. I’ve had issues with addiction and have hurt him quite a bit. Since he left I have done a COMPLETE turn around. Went from being a stay at home (drunk) mother to clean & sober, working full time, and raising my children the best way I know how. My head is crystal clear now. I haven’t had a drink since the night he left. He’s not innocent in all this. His treatment of me and his wandering eye at the end contributed to my drinking.
    When we talk about divorce he says there is no coming back from all that’s happened. “If you slam your hand in a car door, you don’t stick your hand back in”.
    What can I do????


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