Or would you have been okay with your lovely wife going outside of your marriage to seek out romantic and sexual turn-ons with other men? And, no, a male strip club is not comparable as women are not as visual. I’m talking about activity with other men that would sexually arouse her as you were sexually aroused by sex workers.

How absurd and “entitled” to expect to have a “nice” woman sitting at home who would never in a million years do with other men what you go outside of your relationship and pay other women to do with you.

If you didn’t want to have a woman “control” you, you should have stayed single! Now you are and now your wife is free to find someone who understands the simple truth that when you love someone you treat them with the same respect and consideration you would want for yourself.

I feel for you and am sad that your marriage came to an end. I hope you move on and find happiness again. That being said, with your previous experience of her not being comfortable with it and you continuing to do it, you DID kind of know that your marriage could possibly end from this behavior and you were hoping not to get caught. You could tell by her body language and hurt eyes that every time you went you hurt her whether she told you she was going to try and be “ok” with it or not. You KNEW. You were willing to roll the dice and take that chance.
I was raped as a virgin at 16 and my first sex partner after that was my husband at 19 the same year my first child was born. He cheated on me with strippers and lied constantly. We were divorced at 21. At 22 I met my current husband who was previously very promiscuous. Knowing my past, I told him the requirement to be with me. I would NEVER accept any type of sexual behavior outside our relationship. He is very sexual and I should have known better. For the last 17 years he told me how the guys at work went to strip clubs, hired hookers out of town, etc. I thought his honesty meant that he would never do such a thing and that’s what he told me. He talked about them like scum. I felt lucky.
Now that I’ve turned up high-risk HPV positive (could turn to cancer), he has confessed to strip club visits and I found his online porn addiction. I don’t wear my wedding ring anymore and I cry all of the time. He cries all of the time on his knees because he is so sorry now. I don’t feel sorry for him. He is trying to be an amazing husband now and dotes on my like a princess. He’s never treated me better and I want a divorce. I made my rules very clear over and over all of these years. He has wasted the best years of my life. He could have married someone else or been truthful and left. Our 7 year old daughter is his spitting image and she adores him. HE has robbed her of a stable home when he cheated on US. Not ME.

So Alisa, thank you for presenting a reasonable and balanced view. Women like “A True Lady” are judgmental, feminist extremists who want everything their way and want to totally control men. I’m all for women’s rights, equal pay, respect (and if you would go to a good quality club you would see for yourself that the dancers are treated with a LOT of respect), but the only true cheating involves serious sexual activities. Women say they want honesty, but when they get it, they often complain the loudest.

Regarding strip clubs – why can’t we just be truthful and cut all the bull—-
Strip clubs are sleazy, they’re located on the sleazy side of town (I bet you don’t have one next to your church or kids school), sleazy folks work there, and sleazy things happen in them (in addition to sex acts, drugs, violence, etc.).

Obviously we don’t want our spouses hanging out in sleazy places.

Think about this too – why don’t we ever see letters from husbands concerned about their wives going away with girlfriends and doing sleazy things??
Well, I would say because most of the women I know aren’t interested in being sleazy. It wouldn’t even enter our minds to do the stuff some men would do on a guy’s weekend. (FYI:Our husbands know this about us by the way) Our idea of wild is drinking a bottle of wine while wolfing down a plate of brownies and ordering too much Silpada jewelry.

Let’s be honest – we want spouses who are respectable, upstanding citizens – and hanging out in strip clubs does not fit.

I understand the advice given to Decieved. However, I think you’re being too harsh on her. You tell her to “create a very safe environment for him in order to tell the truth”. Now think about this – he just created for HER a very unsafe environment – a world where she doesn’t know if he can be trusted. Also – you say to “Set firm expectations” but then in the next sentence you blame her by saying hey if you could just be cool with strip clubs then he would tell you all about it!! What?!? So what are these firm expectations?? I say what goes for her goes for him – it sounds as though this couple does NOT go to strip clubs together – that this activity is NOT part of their marriage. So if he does not want her to engage in this behavior why is he allowed to do it?? You could compare this to many things -for instance drugs – if he doesn’t want a wife who gets high weekly is it OK for him to do it?? No, it’s called being a hypocrite.

Comparing this deception to lying about your fantasies and/or whether or not you think someone is hot IS NOT comparable. This situation in Myrtle Beach involves REAL actual live NAKED people. It sounds like a group of “boys” who go down there annually to get their WILD side on – I’m sure most of them are married, the wives are home taking care of the kids, and they get to play “Let’s get wild and horny – our wives well never know – ha -ha”. It’s a lie that I’m sure they ALL keep from their wives because once again they KNOW it’s not honorable and would damage their marriages.

Also – it kills me that people compare a long-time lie like this with a “white lie” she might tell her husband. So if Deceived lied about buying a new dress at Macy’s that would compare to her husband getting 5 private lap-dances on his four-day trip to Mrytle Beach??? Don’t think so. One just sounds so much sleazier than the other.

On another note – Why do women think they have to put up with this behavior? Why is it OK for men to have wild bachelor parties with naked women? It’s frustrating that many women do not see or refuse to see the truth behind these parties. They are disrespectful to the fiance. He has just declared his love to you, his desire to have a family with you , to grow old together, etc. But first he has to go out and get some T&A all over his face! Wow – isn’t that cool?? How sweet of him. (Yes – I hear those dissenters – “oh, but boys will be boys” – NOTE the operative word is BOYS)

Remember these are women that your husband/boyfriend would never marry or have kids with – they’re just women to use for their own horny adventures. These are women who are looked down upon by both you AND your husband/fiance. Do you see the hypocrisy??

Now back to Decieved – I would encourage both of them to go to couples therapy. By doing so they can explore their own marital boundaries, including how to show respect for one another and Decieved can regain her trust in him. He has much work to do in order to repair their marriage. Sending good wishes to Decieved!