How to Fall Back in Love
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
Many people talk about falling in and out of love as if love were an elusive quality that the universe gave to some couples and not to others. They say things like, “My relationship is pretty good, but we’re just not in love anymore.”
I personally don’t think you can possibly be in a good relationship if you are not “in love.”
This is why:
Love isn’t an adjective. It’s not something you feel.
Love is a verb. It’s something you do.
Love is an action. It’s a behavior. Love is completely within your control.
Just because you aren’t fighting and tossing dishes at each other every day doesn’t mean everything’s good. If you are not “in love,” then you are not prioritizing your relationship. Rather, you are stuck in a rut. You might live together. You might be sharing a life, but you are not actively loving each other. You’re taking each other for granted. You’ve gotten lazy. Your relationship has become robotic.
If you want to feel in love again, you need to act in love again. Acting in love might entail greeting your partner at the door and giving her a hug as you say, “Wow I’ve really missed you.” It might be noticing that your husband has just eaten the last of his favorite ice cream bars, so you restock the supply the very next day, even though it was not your official grocery-shopping day.
Love is in the small, everyday gestures that say, “You are important to me.” Love is how you make your partner feel special and adored. Love is how you stretch yourself thin in order to improve your partner’s life.
Love is many, many actions performed day in and day out. When you are both performing these daily acts of love, you will eventually feel good about each other. If you want to call this gooey, happy feeling “being in love,” then call it that. Call it whatever you want. Just know that the behavior precedes the feeling. If you want to feel in love, you need to act in love.
How will you act in love today?
