Is it okay to have sex with a much younger man?
Q: I’m a middle-aged widow who has developed a relationship with a man in his 20s. He’s my son’s age! So far our relationship has been platonic, but things are moving in the sexual direction. We’ve talked about getting a room at a Bed and Breakfast, but I’m worried. Is it okay to consider having sex with a much younger man? He is of legal age, but still much younger than I am. How can I know that he will enjoy my naked body? How will sex affect our relationship? If we spend a few days together and do it, will he want to continue having sex with me? –Worried Cougar
Dear Worried Cougar,
I think I speak for middle-aged women everywhere when I say: Rock on, sister! Please let us live vicariously through you!
You are really over-thinking this. Will he enjoy your naked body? There are only two types of men who would not enjoy your naked body: gay men and dead men. You have nothing to worry about. The vast majority of men are not as picky as most of us seem to believe. Plus, he knows your age and I’m sure he’s been to a beach and seen woman of all shapes, sizes and ages who were wearing only bathing suits. What you look like without your clothes isn’t going to be a huge surprise for him. If you’d told me that your boobs glowed in the dark, I’d be a little concerned about his reaction. But wrinkles and saggy boobs? I’m so not concerned.
As for your other questions, only time will tell. There’s no way to predict the future. Even if he were exactly your age, you would not be able to predict how your relationship would progress. That’s what makes the early part of any relationship such a mixture of exhilaration and fear. It’s like driving a race car while you are blindfolded. You just never really know where you will end up.
Better questions for you to ask yourself are these:
- How will a relationship with this young man affect your relationship with your children? A casual sexual relationship probably won’t affect them at all, especially if they don’t know about it. A more serious relationship will affect them a lot.
- Can you connect with this young man in a non-sexual way? In other words, can you have stimulating conversations about topics that interest you both? If the answer to that question is, “No,” then your relationship will probably naturally ebb over time.
There’s nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality with this young man. He’s of consensual age and you are both interested. Older men have been enjoying much younger women for centuries. As far as I’m concerned, you are helping to take the women’s liberation movement one giant step forward. Enjoy the moment and let the future sort itself out.
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Tags: Sex advice
May 1st, 2009 at 9:43 am
My wife is 11 years older than I am and she is AWESOME. Wouldn’t trade her for a younger woman EVER.
May 1st, 2009 at 10:33 am
I had several relationships with older women, back in my 20s. One ended when it became sexual, because she had serious circumstantial issues that I wasn’t prepared (financially or emotionally) to deal with. None worked out, because we never clearly and honestly communicated our needs and desires. I think if you are ready to enjoy sexual experience(s) with this young man, by all means do so! Try to communicate your expectations (or lack thereof), and realise he may not be mature enough yet to return that honest communication.
May 1st, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Sex with a younger man, by all means go ahead! I agree with Alisa that a relationship with a much younger partner could have some special issues that you should think about.
May 1st, 2009 at 8:47 pm
It is so much better than okay! Smooth skin, let the games begin. As for how this will affect yr. relationship (and I’m not clear on what that consists of), I suggest that you ask yourself one question: “Will I feel comfortable the next morning over breakfast.” If you’re hesitating, ask yourself why. If you’re thinking “who the hell needs toast when I can be having sex (again!) with this cupcake,” start packing.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 am
My dh was born the year I graduated from high school – we celebrated my 40th birthday in the first year of our relationship. We dated for a year and a half, lived together for 2 years, then married when he graduated college. Luckily for me, his mother doesn’t care for fur, and didn’t hunt me down and wear my pelt for a jacket ;^) My kids from my first marriage, ages 30 and 25, like him and even sometimes listen to his advice o_O
Our most difficult issue was children – not wanting to have them, but *being able* to carry a baby. After 7 years of trying, we were blessed with a beautiful boy. It just tickles me to tell people, “No, not my first grandchild, my third son!” and see the looks of surprise when they realize B is my husband, not my son! I get a lot of “You go, girl!”
At 52, I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful a younger man can make you feel, when you get past the age issue and just bask in the joy!
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:45 am
My girlfriend is 18 years older than me. Her son is 3 years younger than me. Her daughter had a child a bit over a year ago. Its different, but it works just the same. The pleasures and problems are there like any other relationship.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:50 am
Girl, speaking from a total “other perspective” — Go and “ROCK” with that boy! I myself enjoy the young ones–and although some don’t make for long-lasting relationships in the end–they are “long-lasting” at other things.
A younger guy is about fun, sex and laughs and their energy is so contagious that you want to fully experience the joy ride over and over again.
Treat yourself, sounds like he’s into you. Now “really” let him.
May 4th, 2009 at 10:48 am
At 26 I had a girlfriend who was 44. We had a great relationship while it lasted. She was smart, honest, straightforward, communicative, beautiful, and lusted after my body. All characteristics that were so missing from the women ‘my age’.
However, while I am delighted to see the positive responses to this article I wonder if the reaction would be so positive were the genders reversed. If you can’t see the opposite relationship the same way, who is wrong? You are, but I am betting that it won’t be regarded that way.
October 8th, 2009 at 4:29 am
My wife is older than I am and much bigger too. I am 5’7 165 lbs. and 52 years old, my wife is 6’2″ 190 lbs. and 57 years old. On my 50th b’day we ( my wife, me and my mother-in-law) went out for dinner. We had a wonderful time but drank a little too much so we headed home to have cake and tea before Barbara headed home. No sooner had the door closed when Amanda said that there was one more gift she wanted to give me. As she took me by the hand she guided me to the couch started to undress me sat down on the couch and before I knew it turned me over her knee to give me my birthday spanking. Just then the door opened and in walked Barbara she stopped dead in her tracks as she took in the seen unfolding before her. She started to laugh as she said that this was a whole different side of me that she hadn’t seen before. I tried getting up but Amanda held me down and asked me where I thought I was going since it was too late to to hide as her mom already saw me getting spanked and continued until she hit 51. Then Barbara wanted to wish me a happy b’day as well, then it was over her knee as well as she got a 2″ rise out of me on the 51st spank. That was the most embarrassing spanking I ever received not only because my mother-in-law witnessed me getting a spanking but my wife let her participate and the fact that a 75 year old 6’3″ 225 lb. woman was able to spank a 50 year old man to tears with just her bare hand. My wife now lovingly spanks me in foreplay and it never fails to get a rise out of me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
November 15th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
I do not speak well for the English, but I still like the logic of your post:)
December 21st, 2009 at 11:34 am
i have been with a man 18 years my junior for the past 11 mths and it is such a bliss. it is very true how a young man can make an older woman feel. he appreciates me a great deal and when we make love..it is good. we also have great conversations. his presence in my life has motivated me to take better care of myself and to be more attractive
he treats me with great respect and adores me…
January 19th, 2010 at 10:29 pm
Hi all wanted to let you know that age really does not matter. I’m 24 years older than the young man that I’m with. We both know that it’s all for fun. So far so good we know it won’t last forever. And that’s ok. Hold on tight it will be the ride of your life..
February 5th, 2010 at 10:31 pm
Hello lovely ladies–I am 41 and my beautiful sexy smart and juicy boyfriend is 34. Oh lord, it’s heaven. We get along so well, have so much in common, play hard, love hard, chill out, laugh uproariously (he’s hilarious and by some miracle, I make him laugh too), cook together, plan outings, go camping, hang out, and on and on and on. He has children and I do not, but because I love him so, I am open and willing to get to know his kids and participate in their lives. Younger men are everything you all have said, so let’s indulge and celebrate them and ourselves.
March 27th, 2010 at 12:29 am
Go for it. What the heck…life is too short.
March 29th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
i say go for it if you are mature enough to handle it i just started seeing a guy who is 31 and i am 43 we are both on the same mature level due to things has happen in our lives. the sex is so great it is unbelivable i get so hot just being near him i have great orgasms mutiple times he is really a great guy and i am starting to fall for him and i do believe he feels the same way!!!!!!
July 19th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
I don’t want to brag about it but sex with younger man is really additing. My BF is five years younger than me and he is the best partner I ever have. Not only physically I feel like a teenager and mentally I feel so too. My sex drive is so high when I am with him and it is never like this before. I am having the best time in my life and I cherish every single minuate I spent with him.