But this topic isn’t so simple as this has made it all seem.

Having been with an alcoholic and gone to alnon, you learn to “ignore” and not to “nag”. Easier said than done when you are the one to go to bed with this person and face the consequences or your children face them.

Many families currently are mixed families now, which allow for a slew of problems, most of which are emotional. Teens are not naive and can easily play a parent that has guilt issues. Being a stepparent I’ve had to live with not only the bioparent undermining me at every turn to maintain “love”, remove their own guilt, and be the most loved one of all, while the teen saw this as a perfect opportunity for four years to get what they wanted while tormenting my lack of authority.

And no, the person who are in these positions are selfishly maintaining them because they are positions of power and serving themselves just fine. They are not seeing the future but living in the moment without much empathy to others.

Change that!

And were there signs of the aforementioned. Yes, but if you are aware of how falling in love with someone works, you are aware of the study which shows us to be infatuated and blind to problems for almost two years. Scary. I saw a loving, doting parent to two small children – not a parent who was afraid to discipline. And if you’ve ever dated, you are aware that people drink, go socializing etc. which often entails alcohol, but once a family is established we usually consider being role models and not maintaining our party life demeanor.

I think this topic is not so easily solved as we all might like to write. These are issues that you seriously need to change, not whether he changes out the toilet paper roll, but ones that honestly can affect an entire family.

If a love one ones a person to change… never lecture that person. Why marry a man which you wanted him to be somebody else? I have that issues with our marriage. I did manage to change a lot.. which I am no longer who I was before.

To fulfill her happiness.. I gave up my hobbies, I refrain from seeing my parents (which they both passed away already), can’t go out with friends and etc…

Some person are too much in control and forgetting the basic chemistry… just love the person who he/she is…

At the same time it is very easy to “overload” someone with excessively many expectations that satisfying the person–no matter how much you want to is in fact impossible. For example, consider a wife that becomes frantic over every tiny detail in the home. If the pillow on the couch is a tiny bit crooked, then she freaks out, or if the garbage can isn’t so clean to practically eat out of, then its the end of the world. Don’t expect your companion to be “just” like you. A man does not have the same biology as a woman and hence neither her brain biology.

A couple of years ago, I went through some changes. I had developed a lot of neck and jaw issues. After a lot of journaling and introspection I realized I had been keeping my mouth shut and not speaking up about what I wanted, what I thought, and when I was truly pissed off at my husband. I was literally clenching my jaw to keep quiet for the sake of ‘getting along’. I didn’t like making my husband mad. (Not that he has or ever would become abusive… he just isn’t pretty when he’s mad. His eyes bug out and it become almost comical…)

The whole idea concept of me being quiet for the sake of getting along is quite ironic. Just ask anyone who knows me. I am far from being milquetoast or a shrinking violet. I have a reputation for being a strong outspoken woman. but sometimes, you get tired of being strong all the time. You just want things easy and quiet.

I realized my silence and acquiesence was making me mad and resentful. So I changed. I spoke up. I stood up for me. I made my opinion known. I called it like I saw it. If my husband was being an ass, I called him such. If he asked why I was doing something, I gave him the truth… “Because I want to and it makes me happy.” (sometimes this applied to being lazy and laying up in the bed w/ my laptop)

And you know what? Nothing bad happened. Occasionally my husband will ask me why I’m being so ‘mean’. I simply tell him that I’m not being mean, I’m just speaking/standing up for myself because if I don’t I will get run over and end up pissed off and resentful. My new assertiveness is sometimes amusing to my husband. I call him a name, he calls me one back, and we both grin. It also leads to interesting intellectual discussions.

It’s a win win situation.

Although I am not married, and have only been in a long distance relationship for about a year when I read this post I didn’t think about it in terms of a relationship, I just thought about me. How I am scared of change, I HATE it, loath it from the bottom of my being… however, if we don’t change, or are not willing too take a chance, how can we ever grow? That is how I am trying to look at things in my own life, and thank you for bringing me back to this subject I seem to avoid so much in my life.