Comments on: 5 ways to affair-proof your marriage

By: Ravsean

Ravsean — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 16:11:15 +0000

Clarissa, et al…

I do have several rules on marriage that will help improve. For example,

1. Say three nice things to your spouse every day. Flirt with your spouse.
2. Your spouse should know your status prior to your facebook friends. Your spouse should know more about your status than your facebook friends.
3. When you get married, you can no longer act single. You actually have to be married.

I have a whole set of these. I normally do not like to send people to my blog, as this is Alisa’s work here. However, in this case, it is appropriate. You can find my rules of marriage at http://seabeechaplain.blogspot.com/2011/01/other-rules-of-marriage.html.

Wishing all a wonderful day.

RavSean

By: Clarissa

Clarissa — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:10:41 +0000

Melisa thank you for sharing your story. I am recently married and have also experience this exact situation already. I forgave my husband when I found out about the other girl too. This was before our marriage. I trusted that he would end it since I found out. But just a day ago out found that he was still talking to her and had just changed her name in his phone. I felt as if my whole world had just been ripped about. I’m still very hurt by this but have decided to work on our marriage. Your story has help my bruised heart because I felt so alone and now I know I am not. My husband and I have already started healing our relationship. Ground rules have been set;
-No relationships outside of or marriage that you would keep private.
-If you would not do it in front of me then it should not be done behind my back (flirting with other women).
And a few more.
I am hoping that our marriage will survive this. If anyone have any suggesting please fill free to reply.

By: Melisa

Melisa — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 17:18:47 +0000

Today was my first time on this web-site and I read your article and started working on my marriage this morning. I was going to wait and started to post but decided that my husband was more important and this could wait a few hours.

We have been together for 8.5 years and married for a little over a year. When we were dating he cheated on me when we were going through a very tough time and eventually found a way to forgive him. I found out last week that he was texting the woman he cheated on me with and out of anger woke him up and told him we needed to get a divorce.

He hid it from me and then tried to tell me that I voilated his privacy. I believe privacy and keeping secrets are like black and white. He was keeping secrets and wanted “privacy” so I wouldn’t find out. I am not the type of woman to call every 2 seconds when he stays out late because we all need some time away from each other, and I am not the gelouse type.

I emailed the woman last night and politely asked her to put herself in my place and think of how it would affect her marriage. She knows we are married and told me once that marriage was “sacred” to her. I have a hard time believing that with our situation but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that she moves on instead of holding on to a married man. She is a nice women and its not fair to her or me.

Although this is the first article I’ve read here, I plan to read and learn more. The blog is very helpful too. It’s nice to have input and be able to read and discuss with others that are experiencing the same thing and want to make their marriages work.

Thank You!

By: LGA

LGA — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 22:03:28 +0000

Hey BCC, it depends on how long they have been friends. If its a lifetime friend, I would say I’m sure its platonic, but any NEW friends of the opposite sex…like work friends….or an old friend who you recently reconnected with…..definitely playing with fire……..I knew a guy who would even speak of his “friend” to his wife and make it sound like she was just someone he went to school with and was in his current Law class…….totally into this girl/woman, and eventually had an affair with her. But my point is, he was so into her, he would speak about her to his wife and this dingbat thought nothing of it. NO SUCH THING at our ages…..NOR is there a NEED to have a close friend of the opposite sex. Its usually unacceptable to the other spouse. I will say I recently connected with an old coworker who is male, and we met up for lunch….but I SOOOOOOO am not into him at all, we really were just catching up, and I told my husband about it too. He didn’t like it even still, but with our current marriage issues, I can’t blame him.

By: bcc

bcc — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 18:45:58 +0000

LGA, how do you feel about married people having friends of the opposite sex? Are women more susceptable to emotional connections with their guy friends? Is it playing with fire?

By: LGA

LGA — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 14:25:15 +0000

I can 100% agree that when a woman looks outside the marriage for an affair, she is looking for an emotional connection, NOT a sexual one. I speak from experience. Men however, I feel, MOST of them, when they look for an affair outside of the marriage it is strictly for the SEX/LUST excitement. When the LUST dies down, so does the affair. Having an affair is a serious crime in a relationship. It is hard to forgive. The anger, the not trusting your spouse anymore, it fills you up inside. I can also relate to being so angry at your husband (@ RAVEN) that there is no way in HELL you want them NEAR you, let alone have sex with them. Your husband definitely sounds like a chauvinistic pig to me too, I have often accused my husband of that too when he makes comments about how “He’s at work all day and he would love to sit on the couch for hours of the day doing nothing” YEAH, cuz thats EXACTLY what i do all day. Jerk. You need to talk to your husband and let him know its either SHAPE UP or SHIP OUT. I would not be able to tolerate a lazy husband whatsoever. But thats just my opinion. It sounds like you need to drag his ass to therapy. Good Luck Raven!

By: Ravsean

Ravsean — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 03:09:57 +0000

Shantrell, et al. I have commented on this a couple of times throughout Alisa’s magnificent website. Flagrant adultery is emotional abuse. The list of statements implied are as follows:

1. She is (they are) better in bed.
2. What you give only to me I can get anywhere.
3. What you give only to me…it’s just sex.
4. You do not ‘put out’ enough.

These are horrible, abusive statements.

You do not have to tolerate abuse in your marriage. As concerns keeping the child, raising children is much more than cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. It is also about teaching our children the proper way to behave towards our spouses. Flagrant adultery is not the way we should treat each other.

RavSean

By: Shantrell

Shantrell — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 20:46:47 +0000

Well I will admit that i did cheat once almost two years ago. Haven’t even texted a man since. But I’m trying to decide if i should stay or go. He is a good man in most areas. He cooks, cleans, keeps our child, and he does laundry. But lately he has been cheating on me left and right. What to do???

By: Monica

Monica — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 19:57:33 +0000

I’ve asked my husband for all this, I’ve tried talking to him, expressing to him how much I miss spending time with him, going out just the two of us, how much I miss his affection,love and everything else. His response to me was to leave him alone and he hates when I get “like that.” I asked for us to sit down and talk and it turned into a shouting match because I was “bothering” him. I’m so broken hearted by the way he acts towards me, I don’t know what else to do to get his attention but to keep myself busy with other things. I’m afraid that if we don’t work on our marriage he will fall in love with someone else. I feel no type of connection towards him, it’s scary.

By: raven

raven — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 04:47:38 +0000

so how do you have sex regularly when you feel like killing him instead? ( yes Alisa you aren’t the only one who has felt this way) my husband does nothing around the house. he works for himself and toddles out if bed at 8.30 and
cannot even bother to make the bed!!! I work part time and come home at 1.30 to find breakfast dishes in the sink, unmade bed, dirty vanity sink from his morning shave. itislike an unspoken rule that I was allocated all the house work and I cannot change his ways. childishly I retaliated and will do nothing in the yard as that is supposedly male territory. are there any suggestions of what I can say to someone who is as sexist. as him!!! I do all things related to the kids, taxi them to school, sports practice, buying clothes, take them to the movies etc etc etc. he feels because he earns the money that’s his contribution !!! other than tell him he is a selfish pig who will one day be a very lonely old selfish pig
raven