1. Your spouse arrives home two hours late. You are not mad or relieved. Rather, you are disappointed. You’d hoped he or she wouldn’t come home at all.
2. You fantasize about discovering your spouse cheating. That way you won’t feel guilty about asking for a divorce.
3. You are having an emotional affair with a member of the opposite sex.
4. You gripe about your spouse to a member of the opposite sex, who gripes about his/her spouse to you.
5. You don’t remember the last time you had sex, and you’d like to keep it that way.
6. If you won a free vacation for two to Fiji, you’d take your mother with you instead of your spouse.
7. You stay up late at night watching Judge Judy reruns so your spouse will definitely be asleep by the time you crawl into bed.
8. You have to drink two glasses of wine before you can bring yourself to small talk with your spouse.
9. If you won the lottery, you’re not sure whether or not you would tell your spouse. You might just take the money and run.
10. You can’t remember why you got married. You suspect you might have been brain washed.
Copyright 2009 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Uh-oh. Is 8 out of 10 bad?
Wow. I know this is probably supposed to be funny, but God can I ever relate. I second LeAnn. Is 10/10 bad?
Wow, validating. I figured this out before I got married.
Signed,
Ex-fiance’
Oh, that is horrible.
Have you noticed you always employ heteronormativity in your posts? I think it would be positive to widen your scope. Instead of “member of the opposite sex” you could say “someone you are attracted to.” I say this also because this post is applicable to non-married couples too.
I can relate to all of these:( My kids are grown but I’m too afraid to leave, been this way for probably 20 out of 27 years.
Is it bad that i go to bed at like 8pm so that i know that i will be asleep when he comes to bed? is it awful that i get anxious when i think about going home, and i fantisize about picking up my kid and just taking off forever? if it wasn’t for the fact that he is such a good dad and that it is just wrong to take a child from a parent i would.
I agree with this one i want to jus pick up my kids and leave but i cant find myself to do that to the kids i feel totally trapped
I know just how Shelly feels. I am so much happier when he’s not around. I know that this is definitely a sign. I just always feel so on edge when he’s near. It’s not that he’s a bad person, but I just don’t like him anymore. It’s just sad.
Great statements above & Finespun site
when the marriage is not healhty anymore, why stay?
I fell in love with someone who is married and he wants to get out from the marriage but his family is giving him emotional blackmail. He doesnt love his wife anymore for many reasons but they a child and he said his conscience is haunting him. He is confused. I said we need to separate but he wants me to be his friend. Gosh!!! what can you say?
Theresa all I can tell you is that the best relationship u will have with that man is the one you are having now. If he gets out of his marriage and get officialy together with you then everything will change. I still wish sometimes that I would have never gotten married because when I did everything changed.
Theresa, I understand your situation. Now, he is good at the moment as you can see it… but when the time comes and he will be with you, he can be the same loving person or may change.. buts all marriage are like that… you just have to take your chances. its not you leaving a married life, its him.. so what do you have to loose?
what if he changes after years of being married should you just adapt or is that a cope out
Natalia or whomever:
It is your choice to be gay. Although i do not have issues with people being gay, i have to say that being gay is not the norm. It is chemically and naturally normal as nature intended it to say “members of the opposite sex.” There is no natural reason for same sex couples. Hell in fact I think man and woman couples are down right un natural. But nature has paired us for attraction for pro creation. I mean we couldn’t be more different mentally emotionally or physically. Unfortunately that’s another discussion.
I guess what I’m trying to say is you cant be upset that people dont make everything peachy and PC for gays when you live in a hetero society/ country / planet.
Thats like Muslims that get all bent that there’s a Christmas tree in a government building.
The majority of us recognize Christmas for either religious reasons or tradition. you know? Lighten up. Dont expect the majority to change for the minority’s feelings.
It is about time that someone finally said it. This is America not the Holiday Inn. We do not have to accomodate to the minority. There is a difference between a rights and privileges and most do not understand the differences. What defines insanity? Oh thats right the majority opinion.
Some really funny stuff in this post but makes some really good points. Number 6 is a riot. Keep on rocking
To: Theresa
There are enough living stories like “the other woman”. You are better than that. Don’t you ever want to trust a married man with children. Think about it, if he do it with you, he will do it to you. A woman he married with,now he wants to betray for whatever reason. What a character is it? He claimed he does not love his wife anymore. Oh so? who take the blame here. Run, Theresa. You are more better than that. Tell that man go home and try to work it out with his wife. You dowant to take destroy his children’s life and hurt another woman’s heart. Period. He will get what he sow. You have a life . There are many many single men out there. What make you think you have to fall in love with a married man, anyway? THINK AGAIN.
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Wow, that’s a very sad “Top 10 List”. I am sure in some ways it is true with a lot of married couples but I hope not most of the couples. Maybe there is a “tongue in cheek” when the author wrote this list and I need to “lighten up” a little. I can at least say that I nor my wife (I hope) can identify with any of those listings. Here is a good article about saving your marriage, http://www.savemymarriagenowinfo.com/marriage/save-marriage-problems-for-when-they-really-matter/
Jake´s last [type] ..How To Stop Divorce
This is just sad becaues I feel like a lot of those apply to me and all I ever wanted was to be happy and now I’m just living life on the edge of a tear and I just don’t understand why it has to be this way. I just want some one who loves me as much as I love them…….. And I think that’s what I’m getting.
Been married 15 years, knew he was wrong from day one but we had a child and I knew it would be a nightmare w/ dropping my son off with that bozo and probably a bimbo he would be with. Not to mention finances, which is the #1 reason most women stay married. The thing is when I talk to my other married friends, they aren’t that crazy about their husbands, and most of us realize by divorcing we would just trade one set of problems for another. Unless your in a real abusive relationship, the grass is seldom greener imo.
Ok, Ladies
Help me out. I am 37 years old, my wife and I have three boys ages 4, 7, 11. I bought a business about 6 years ago, and we moved to a small town. I earn enough income so that my wife does not have to work out of the home, she enjoys being a mother and she is very good at it.
I have tried to do as much as possible. I don’t hit the bars or go out at night, unless I am with her. I work late (six to seven) most weeknights, but I stay home most weekends. When I get home, I do laundary, help take care of the kids, do dishes and work on the house. So I am not a beer sipper.
I love my wife and she is my best friend. I can’t think about a life without our her. But we have lost our physical connection. (She hits on #7 pretty hard, but I don’t think the others really apply.) We may be intimate once or twice a month at best. I am afraid to intiate anything because she just say I want to have sex with her. Now I am afraid to cross the mason dixon line in bed.
I have asked her if there is anything I should be doing different. But the response I get is that she’s tired, or that the bed gets dirty, or that she’s not in the mood at night but she is in the day (when I am at work). I lost thirty pounds and went back to working out, that hasn’t done much and she doesn’t seem to even notice. She is attractive and fit.
I am willing to go without the sex, to stay together and I am trying to adjust to that. But its difficult, and it does awful things to my head. I am losing a lot of sleep. What can I do? I don’t want to loose her.
Pete while I am not a lady I could be of some help. First don’t blame yourself. Odds are your wife just has low libido. If that is the case no amount of “doing stuff” will make her more sexual. However there could be any number of reasons for low libido. They could be physical, ranging from low hormones to changed levels after child birth. They could be psychological, ranging from intimacy issues to past sexual trauma.
The key is communication. Is she will to discuss this? Is she willing to do anything about it? Does she know how this is hurting you? Or has she “trained you” not to bring this up or even attempt to discuss it? I don’t mean “trained” in a negative context. Almost everybody does it with their spouse. If it is something they are not comfortable talking about they learn how to keep their spouse from bringing it up just to avoid having to discuss it. That could be true on any issue but even more so on sex. Most think that if I don’t have desire their is either something wrong with me, or I feel normal about it so there is something wrong with you to bring it up. So we learn the emotional triggers to keep the other from bringing it up.
But talking about it is a must. That or resign yourself to this issue getting worse not better. Try to communicate in a non threatening way. See if she is open to seeing her doctor. See if she is open to counseling. BUT any good counseler will always check to see if there are physical issues before they address any psychological issues.
Best of Luck
Ron
I have actually went on three cruises in the last two years with my mom and kids minus the husband. #6 is soooo true!
I can honestly say yes to all! I am sure that is a sign that I need to grow up and move on ! These types of choices are never easy and it’s so much harder when it’s you! I stay cause my daughter needs a dad. Is that worth giving up on happiness that I could possibly have in a fullfilling relationship for myself? just glad I am not the only one out there that dreads dealing w their other half.
I’m so sick of staying. I’ve left so many times. The thought of not living with my daughter haunts me. It brings me back every single time. The I’m sorry gifts, from Dior to whatsoever. The “I do everything for you” guilt parties. Hurting almost every day. I had a childhood far worse than any Lifetime movie or book could ever portray. If I say I’m leaving he makes me believe I’m a horrible person and mother. I’d rather be deceased than live this way.
If I did not have two small children I would have divorced him years ago. I just need them to be a few years older and then I am free…………
I have been with my husband for 18 years, we have been married for 12 of those years. We have 4 children, one of them mine from a previous marriage. Off and on throughout those years I have wanted out. It always seems that he is only concerned about his feelings even if he asks me how I feel it seems to turn back to his feelings. I can’t even express myself without him “taking it personally”. We had a “in-house” separation for about 3 months. I pesonally confided in an old boyfriend-nothing ever came of this. My husband found out and confronted the old boyfriend. The old boyfriend graciously stepped-out of the picture although he wasn’t really in the picture as he doesn’t live in this country (I can totally relate to #3 though). My husband is verbally abusive and tells me that I am a horrible mother (along with some other things and that no-one will ever love me they way that he does). He always wants credit for everything he does or doesn’t do, he has lost weight and is working out and is constantly looking in the mirror and this annoys me to no end. He said that during our “separation” that I pushed him into being with somone else. Not really sure if he was with someone or not. He even said that he was prepared to move out and ruin me i.e. do everything possible to destroy me, take my kids, get me fired from my job, damage my car to name a few. I had to take him back because I was not financially able to move out on my own (he also said that he had the paperwork drawn up for a divorce). We are living as husband and wife and he is being very nice, but I still have feelings of wanting out. I don’t know what I should do. I have even taken on another way to make more income so that I might be able to save money and eventually move out. I have no family of my own and have always been close to his. There have been a few family get togethers since our break-up that he has not included me in. I am really confused and don’t know what to do. I have never truely been single and on my own aside from about 6 months before he and I got together. Does anyone have any advice?
Like learning how to swim or riding a bicycle for the first time, you are filled with doubt, uncertainty, and fear. It only intensifies with commin close to leaving and finding yourself planning an escape instead, as if you are his slave. You are looking because you are playing his game, he enjoys the power more then he’d enjoy carrying out the threats….just go…you’ll find that the othr side of the disaster is really his own destruction and your peace and growth.
OMG …..this is a sign …I just can’t beleive ….all of the above applies here…..
What’s next…marriage after 22 years has now become like an insurance plan…investment is greater than the relationship…but now the body is feeling the pain and a sick, deep and helpless feeling….so alone being in this marriage
too funny and sad. You forgot “you’re only request is that he live nearby and you start fantasizing about which of your single friends would make a stepmom you could deal with.”
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