Comments on: How to train a man to do housework http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/ Because life after "I do" isn't always so charming Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:39:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: BUKISS http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-97468 BUKISS Sun, 20 Nov 2011 20:17:05 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-97468 I REALLY NEED HELP AND FAST, I JUST HAD A SHOWDOWN TODAY WITH MY HUBBY ON HOUSE CHORES, IM BURIED, EXHAUSTED AND ALL YOU SAID IS NOT WORKING, WE MAY HAVE TO SEPERATE IF HE REMAINS STUBBORN. I REALLY NEED HELP AND FAST, I JUST HAD A SHOWDOWN TODAY WITH MY HUBBY ON HOUSE CHORES, IM BURIED, EXHAUSTED AND ALL YOU SAID IS NOT WORKING, WE MAY HAVE TO SEPERATE IF HE REMAINS STUBBORN.

]]> By: Cubed http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-96261 Cubed Tue, 08 Nov 2011 14:13:31 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-96261 Well... first off stop keeping score, that's the quickest way to divorce. second. You cannot control him, the onlly thing you can change is you. I know it's a rough pill to swallow but there it is. There is no magical cure for lazy. Absolutly I think it's fair he does his part, however at some point what he does do he think's is enough, maybe it's time to have a coming to Jesus Meeting with him and explain what you do expect. if he starts getting defensive calm him down, tell him you're not ambushing. Do not drag history into this conversation and do your best not too use You never, You didn't, Just try your best to not use you in an accusing way. And above all do not raise your voice, storm off or throw a karate chop at him ( God I've been there too, don't do it) Well… first off stop keeping score, that’s the quickest way to divorce. second. You cannot control him, the onlly thing you can change is you. I know it’s a rough pill to swallow but there it is. There is no magical cure for lazy. Absolutly I think it’s fair he does his part, however at some point what he does do he think’s is enough, maybe it’s time to have a coming to Jesus Meeting with him and explain what you do expect. if he starts getting defensive calm him down, tell him you’re not ambushing. Do not drag history into this conversation and do your best not too use You never, You didn’t, Just try your best to not use you in an accusing way. And above all do not raise your voice, storm off or throw a karate chop at him ( God I’ve been there too, don’t do it)

]]> By: Cara http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-84614 Cara Sun, 21 Aug 2011 21:23:18 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-84614 I know this is an old topic, but I'm in "nagging" mode today, apparently (according to my DH, after I asked him to do ONE THING) so I need to vent. My husband doesn't work. He's not disabled. He's just addicted to computer games and has a very high opinion of himself. And I make enough money that he doesn't need to. (20 years ago, we had an agreement that I would work and make money, and he would stay home and take care of the house/vehicles.) I don't do housework, either (see agreement, above) -- but I DO go to work for 40 hours, every week, and have managed our money to the point where we have an excellent net worth. This takes effort. As does 40 hours of work, every week. I have tried to look, realistically, at what he DOES do for me and the home: he OCCASIONALLY fixes my vehicle (nothing big). He DOES make me coffee, bag lunch, and dinner EVERY DAY. (I do all the grocery shopping.) He starts lots of projects (projects that HE wants to do), but finishes maybe half of them. He occasionally gardens. He occasionally does yard work (rarely, we don't really have a yard). Mostly, it seems to me, he sits on the computer reading his hometown newspaper, and playing backgammon. So -- when I ask him to vacuum the house, or give him a list of no more than 5 small tasks to perform OVER THE COURSE OF A WEEK, or rarely ask him to do one thing SOON that I want done and that I cannot do (move a very heavy/large object) -- he gets p.o.'d at me and calls me a nag. I don't know how to respond to this EXCEPT in anger. I'm sure that he looks at me and thinks I do nothing, as I often spend my weekends on the computer because I'm so resentful of him. I honestly don't know where to start. I cannot stand the advice that seems to think I need to coddle him, baby him, PERSUADE him to do what he agreed to do. Why can't I just ask, once, and have it get done? What can't *I* be the one that gets babied? Remember -- most things are, "Do this sometime over the course of the 40 hour week during which I am sitting at my desk taking sh*t from people." It's not like he's got some horrific lists of chores (and, please know, the majority of the clutter and filth in our house is emanating FROM HIM, anyway). If anyone has tips on dealing with resentfulness over this issue poisoning my feelings so much that I can't approach him with anything BUT nagging, at this point -- help me. I know this is an old topic, but I’m in “nagging” mode today, apparently (according to my DH, after I asked him to do ONE THING) so I need to vent.

My husband doesn’t work. He’s not disabled. He’s just addicted to computer games and has a very high opinion of himself. And I make enough money that he doesn’t need to. (20 years ago, we had an agreement that I would work and make money, and he would stay home and take care of the house/vehicles.)

I don’t do housework, either (see agreement, above) — but I DO go to work for 40 hours, every week, and have managed our money to the point where we have an excellent net worth. This takes effort. As does 40 hours of work, every week.

I have tried to look, realistically, at what he DOES do for me and the home: he OCCASIONALLY fixes my vehicle (nothing big). He DOES make me coffee, bag lunch, and dinner EVERY DAY. (I do all the grocery shopping.) He starts lots of projects (projects that HE wants to do), but finishes maybe half of them. He occasionally gardens. He occasionally does yard work (rarely, we don’t really have a yard).

Mostly, it seems to me, he sits on the computer reading his hometown newspaper, and playing backgammon.

So — when I ask him to vacuum the house, or give him a list of no more than 5 small tasks to perform OVER THE COURSE OF A WEEK, or rarely ask him to do one thing SOON that I want done and that I cannot do (move a very heavy/large object) — he gets p.o.’d at me and calls me a nag.

I don’t know how to respond to this EXCEPT in anger.

I’m sure that he looks at me and thinks I do nothing, as I often spend my weekends on the computer because I’m so resentful of him.

I honestly don’t know where to start. I cannot stand the advice that seems to think I need to coddle him, baby him, PERSUADE him to do what he agreed to do. Why can’t I just ask, once, and have it get done? What can’t *I* be the one that gets babied? Remember — most things are, “Do this sometime over the course of the 40 hour week during which I am sitting at my desk taking sh*t from people.” It’s not like he’s got some horrific lists of chores (and, please know, the majority of the clutter and filth in our house is emanating FROM HIM, anyway).

If anyone has tips on dealing with resentfulness over this issue poisoning my feelings so much that I can’t approach him with anything BUT nagging, at this point — help me.

]]> By: howard http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-52654 howard Sat, 05 Mar 2011 23:30:18 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-52654 how to train a dog to do housework. enough said. how to train a dog to do housework. enough said.

]]> By: Chris http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-12067 Chris Mon, 16 Aug 2010 12:15:43 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-12067 yeah this works. yeah its like training puppies. but you gotta teach them the way they need to be taught. men are generally very self-absorbed and if there is nothing in it for them, then why do it? so you usually gotta work with em like puppies or little kids. not ideal, but true. yeah this works. yeah its like training puppies. but you gotta teach them the way they need to be taught. men are generally very self-absorbed and if there is nothing in it for them, then why do it? so you usually gotta work with em like puppies or little kids. not ideal, but true.

]]> By: Dan http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-11697 Dan Tue, 10 Aug 2010 04:17:50 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-11697 I read this article because I have 2 male roommates who are not contributing with the housework. I rent to both of them, and I like them as renters. I wanted to be able to confront them in a way that they will not be offended. I found Linda's comments very interesting when it comes to marriage/romantic relationship. I think you have it figured out, my dear! I read this article because I have 2 male roommates who are not contributing with the housework. I rent to both of them, and I like them as renters. I wanted to be able to confront them in a way that they will not be offended.

I found Linda’s comments very interesting when it comes to marriage/romantic relationship. I think you have it figured out, my dear!

]]> By: Linda http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-3430 Linda Tue, 01 Sep 2009 02:02:57 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-3430 Personally, I think sex should be given and received on it's own merit, not used as reward or punishment for anything. Are we all living in a James Bond novel? Why must we as women have to give treats to our husbands for doing what they should be doing anyway; as if we are training little boys or puppies? Who is praising us for our chores completed? Frankly, their abdicating complete power to us unconciously is frustrating to me. I would prefer a relationship of side-by-side thinking rather than one walking several steps in front of or behind the other. The infernal game playing we do to win each other over during dating needs to be put into an album to be paged through occasionally and fondly reminisced by the two of you. He as well as you needs to be interested in discussing and planning and trouble shooting. There is no aphrodisiac so strong as two people putting their heads together and working something out to both their satisfactions. Why do you think a lot of affairs are started during those burning-of-the-midnight-oil sessions at work? If they would be as involved at home that way instead of considering everything you say bitching, there would be more candlelight in the bedroom then oil burning in the office. So, this goes for either gender who is guilty of dismissing the other because what they are saying just doesn't seem important enough. Sit down and take time to LISTEN and PARTICIPATE! Personally, I think sex should be given and received on it’s own merit, not used as reward or punishment for anything. Are we all living in a James Bond novel?
Why must we as women have to give treats to our husbands for doing what they should be doing anyway; as if we are training little boys or puppies? Who is praising us for our chores completed?
Frankly, their abdicating complete power to us unconciously is frustrating to me. I would prefer a relationship of side-by-side thinking rather than one walking several steps in front of or behind the other. The infernal game playing we do to win each other over during dating needs to be put into an album to be paged through occasionally and fondly reminisced by the two of you.
He as well as you needs to be interested in discussing and planning and trouble shooting. There is no aphrodisiac so strong as two people putting their heads together and working something out to both their satisfactions. Why do you think a lot of affairs are started during those burning-of-the-midnight-oil sessions at work? If they would be as involved at home that way instead of considering everything you say bitching, there would be more candlelight in the bedroom then oil burning in the office.
So, this goes for either gender who is guilty of dismissing the other because what they are saying just doesn’t seem important enough. Sit down and take time to LISTEN and PARTICIPATE!

]]> By: Desiree http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-3376 Desiree Wed, 26 Aug 2009 01:54:40 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-3376 A perk for the single people...no one to pick up after. I am happy to see I am not alone in the tidy house battle. I will give these tips a try.. Thanks :) A perk for the single people…no one to pick up after.
I am happy to see I am not alone in the tidy house battle.
I will give these tips a try..
Thanks :)

]]> By: Flore http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-3069 Flore Wed, 12 Aug 2009 04:20:51 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-3069 My dear hubby used to everything in the house before we had kids; now we have 3 boys all under 4 that are when he won’t help. I work & go to school full time, still when I get home I have to take care of the kids, cooking, laundry, paying the bills and all. 2 weeks ago I asked to please do the laundry so I can go to bed in decent time (go to bed @ 0100AM to wake @ 0600AM) yet, he did not do it.. We have not say a word to each other since unless it has to do with the kids (get milk, did you feed him.. etc).. I don’t think he could care less about me. we have been married for 7 years, but I am already thinking of divorce… I sure do want more sex, but I am just too tired to be in the mood, and the fact is his attitudes toward my feeling turn me off… I am afraid I will file for divorce in a very near future…. PS.I don’t believe in divorce… but a marriage takes two My dear hubby used to everything in the house before we had kids; now we have 3 boys all under 4 that are when he won’t help. I work & go to school full time, still when I get home I have to take care of the kids, cooking, laundry, paying the bills and all. 2 weeks ago I asked to please do the laundry so I can go to bed in decent time (go to bed @ 0100AM to wake @ 0600AM) yet, he did not do it.. We have not say a word to each other since unless it has to do with the kids (get milk, did you feed him.. etc).. I don’t think he could care less about me. we have been married for 7 years, but I am already thinking of divorce… I sure do want more sex, but I am just too tired to be in the mood, and the fact is his attitudes toward my feeling turn me off… I am afraid I will file for divorce in a very near future….
PS.I don’t believe in divorce… but a marriage takes two

]]> By: otrpu http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/04/how-to-train-a-man-to-do-housework/comment-page-1/#comment-2728 otrpu Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:23:56 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1455#comment-2728 I'd be simply thrilled if Wifey would do anything to help around the house. I'll be a paycheck she can't remember the last time she ran a vacuum cleaner. I ask her for help, she says she don't wanna. I say what the heck does wanting have to do with anything? I haven't done anything I wanted to in my life. Always doing what I have to. It's a meno thing. . .why God waits till this stage of my life to give me this to go through I'll never know. Like to lost the house cause she didn't wanna go back to work. Finally her sisters were able to talk her into it. Well the dishes are done and the washer's a running. Wifey's at work and I'm a sittin on my azz typing a post. 40 years of marital bliss, and now I don't even know this woman. I don't mind doing the chores, just wish she wouldn't disagree with everything I say. No matter what I say she takes the opposite position. If I were a more controlling person I could really take advantage of this situation. Now I'm just looking for a part-time weekend job so bring in more money and stay outta her hair. This must be the "or worse" part of them vows I took long ago. Cheers, time to go move the laundry. I’d be simply thrilled if Wifey would do anything to help around the house. I’ll be a paycheck she can’t remember the last time she ran a vacuum cleaner. I ask her for help, she says she don’t wanna. I say what the heck does wanting have to do with anything? I haven’t done anything I wanted to in my life. Always doing what I have to. It’s a meno thing. . .why God waits till this stage of my life to give me this to go through I’ll never know. Like to lost the house cause she didn’t wanna go back to work. Finally her sisters were able to talk her into it. Well the dishes are done and the washer’s a running. Wifey’s at work and I’m a sittin on my azz typing a post. 40 years of marital bliss, and now I don’t even know this woman. I don’t mind doing the chores, just wish she wouldn’t disagree with everything I say. No matter what I say she takes the opposite position. If I were a more controlling person I could really take advantage of this situation. Now I’m just looking for a part-time weekend job so bring in more money and stay outta her hair. This must be the “or worse” part of them vows I took long ago. Cheers, time to go move the laundry.

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