When my daughter was born, it never occurred to me that motherhood would transform me into a lying, untrustworthy, ingenuous lout. It has. Here are just some of the lies I’ve perpetuated during the past 4 years.
1. If you wish for something, a fat man who lives at the North Pole will hear your wish, make it come true, and slide down a chimney we don’t have to bring it to you.
2. There is a such thing as a bunny that lays eggs, but it doesn’t come to our house. Our dog scares it away.
3. If you don’t brush your teeth, all of your teeth will fall out.
4. McDonald’s only serves gross food. You won’t like it. It’s really yucky.
5. This is Halloween Mashed Potatoes. That’s why it’s orange. (In other words, it’s not really mashed butternut squash).
6. You want to play Chutes and Ladders? Ask your Daddy. He was just saying that he’s been wanting to play that game!
7. You want to play Hide n Seek? Ask your Daddy. He was just saying that he’s been wanting to play that game!
8. That’s a word that only grown ups are allowed to say. You didn’t just hear Mommy say that.
9. I don’t know what happened to your Barney DVD. I really don’t.
10. The toy store isn’t open right now.
11. I don’t have any money. None. Zippo.
12. I can’t afford it.
13. Mommy and Daddy were just trying to save water. That’s why we were showering together. We thought you were asleep.
14. Mommy can’t cuddle with you anymore. Please stop clinging on me. Let me get up. Oh, no, I think Mommy is going to stink up the joint… Thanks for letting me get up.
15. If I kiss your booboo, you’ll be all better.
16. That is the most beautiful picture of a Pokémon I have ever seen. You are such a talented little artist!
17. I put your artwork in the trashcan? I must have done that by mistake. I don’t know HOW that got there.
18. What? You found your Barney DVD in the Goodwill box? I don’t know how that got there. Daddy must have put it there.
As you can see, I’m incorrigible. To think that, before child, I was once known for my blunt honesty.
What lies have you told your children? Leave a comment.
Copyright 2009 Project Happily Ever After
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Sarah Liz (3)
TAY (2)
50 Proposals (1)
Alexandra (1)
Ande Lyons (1)
Angelina Whiteney (1)
Artemisia (1)
AS (1)
ash (1)
Christine (1)
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
“The Tooth Fairy” answered my oldest daughter’s letters THREE times. I told her The Tooth Fairy was very busy and probably couldn’t answer any more of her letters (mostly because daughter was getting too specific with the questions).
AND… the occasional toy will somehow get “misplaced”, never to be found again (so please don’t bother looking in that bag marked “donate” in Mommy’s closet….)
I have no idea how to work the playstation. You’ll have to wait until your dad gets home.
(This makes me feel vaguely guilty b/c I don’t want to reinforce the stereotype that woman aren’t good at technology and crap, but not as bad as listening to them fight over the game does)
I’m so happy Tracy tweeted this post. It’s great and and to say, so true. What’s funnier yet is our kids grow up, learn the truth and then become liars when they become parents, too. Ahhh – a vicious cycle.
Hey, the teeth thing might be true.
Also big LOL at #13.
I’ve told your lies, and a few more:
I have no idea how your blankie got so small (after cutting off the lose shredded edges)
If you don’t behave, we’re going home (half-way between MI and TN, yeah, right!)
If you don’t brush your teeth, they’ll all fall right out. (Well, maybe that wasn’t a lie.)
Keep doing that, and your face will get stuck that way.
Really nice collection,and funny too. I saved into my delicious account.
“No Honey, Oyster sauce doesn’t really have oysters in it, that’s just the name”
Her reply – “Oh that’s good because this is delicious!” LOLOLOL! She’s 11yo btw, so I’m hoping she doesn’t realise she can read ingredients lists any time soon!
“Daddy was just tickling me” One day that poor kid is going to need therapy when she realises what she’s been listening to…..
My best lie was the one I told my toddler son who was attached to his “binky.” I cut off the nipple, and when he picked it up he could not figure out what had happened to it and why he no longer could suck on it. I told him “it is broken.” He walked around the house with the thing in his hand, looking bewildered, and repeating “Binky broken.” He never asked for another one and the habit was over.
But about # 2 on Alisa’s list. Our entire family is determined that the bunny who lays eggs will come to Kaari’s backyard next Easter–somehow. We will make sure of it.
My biggest lie to my kids (other than that Mommy does not know how to change batteries) is when they ask me for something and I say, “We’ll see”. No we won’t. I already know the answer, I’m just not in the mood for the tantrum… And I’m hoping you’ll forget.
Alisa,
# 6 and # 17..LOLOL!!! Also # 10 is my alltime fav. Thanks for the laughs and for making me feel normal!!!
I have been reading your blog for sometime now. You are so hilarious!!