Comments on: How to speak your voice: part 1 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/ Because life after "I do" isn't always so charming Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:39:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Avis Doxie http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-54297 Avis Doxie Thu, 10 Mar 2011 18:59:22 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-54297 I was suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my difficulty. You're amazing! Thanks! I was suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my difficulty. You’re amazing! Thanks!

]]> By: jenny http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-40138 jenny Wed, 02 Feb 2011 21:10:05 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-40138 i started reading your blog as i was having problem in my marriage and my husband told me i have to start talking to people or I will self-implode. My husband has difficulty remembering when he last left his keys, wallet and cell phone. With cell phone, you can use the house phone to call and the cell phone will ring. However with the keys and wallet, they cannot be located. So out of frustration, I wrote a big note on our key table and it reads "WALLETS AND KEYS HERE". Well, it works for now! If not, i think i will start inventing a ring back key chain and possibly a beeping wallet. i started reading your blog as i was having problem in my marriage and my husband told me i have to start talking to people or I will self-implode. My husband has difficulty remembering when he last left his keys, wallet and cell phone. With cell phone, you can use the house phone to call and the cell phone will ring. However with the keys and wallet, they cannot be located. So out of frustration, I wrote a big note on our key table and it reads “WALLETS AND KEYS HERE”. Well, it works for now! If not, i think i will start inventing a ring back key chain and possibly a beeping wallet.

]]> By: Bannus Loken http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-6751 Bannus Loken Sat, 13 Mar 2010 23:50:20 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-6751 Hey, excellent article! I will bookmark this one! Cheers Hey, excellent article! I will bookmark this one! Cheers

]]> By: Leslie http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-5224 Leslie Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:35:14 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-5224 I usually do not do commenting. but thanks for this great post and looking forward to more. I usually do not do commenting. but thanks for this great post and looking forward to more.

]]> By: Should you ever keep marital secrets? | Project Happily Ever After http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1227 Should you ever keep marital secrets? | Project Happily Ever After Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:17:02 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-1227 [...] very recently, I would have told you that Speaking Your Voice would solve 90 percent of your marital issues. I assumed 10 percent of the time, it might be better [...] [...] very recently, I would have told you that Speaking Your Voice would solve 90 percent of your marital issues. I assumed 10 percent of the time, it might be better [...]

]]> By: How to speak your voice: Part 2 | Project Happily Ever After http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-898 How to speak your voice: Part 2 | Project Happily Ever After Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:44:40 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-898 [...] you started the series here, you were probably pretty confused. Go to How to Speak Your Voice Part 1 to read from the [...] [...] you started the series here, you were probably pretty confused. Go to How to Speak Your Voice Part 1 to read from the [...]

]]> By: B J http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-895 B J Tue, 03 Mar 2009 04:58:34 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-895 I gotta tell ya, Alisa - I know it isn't easy to speak your voice. Especially if you have been raised to believe that your voice meant nothing - that your opinions and feelings didn't matter. You enter adulthood believing all that shit. And then you get married and the myth continues - you create what you know. I continued to believe that I wasn't worthy - basically that my voice didn't matter. I believe that my body was trying to tell me for years that I needed to change this behavior in myself, but I kept repressing it. I am now doing better with hearing my own voice, and speaking it. Good for you for being in the now and recognizing when you need to speak up, to set your own boundaries. Most men are wired differently than us gals, and I think they have an easier time speaking their voice - it's like they are gender entitled, if you know what I mean! Thanks for your honesty, and your vulnerablity. I gotta tell ya, Alisa – I know it isn’t easy to speak your voice. Especially if you have been raised to believe that your voice meant nothing – that your opinions and feelings didn’t matter. You enter adulthood believing all that shit. And then you get married and the myth continues – you create what you know. I continued to believe that I wasn’t worthy – basically that my voice didn’t matter. I believe that my body was trying to tell me for years that I needed to change this behavior in myself, but I kept repressing it. I am now doing better with hearing my own voice, and speaking it. Good for you for being in the now and recognizing when you need to speak up, to set your own boundaries. Most men are wired differently than us gals, and I think they have an easier time speaking their voice – it’s like they are gender entitled, if you know what I mean! Thanks for your honesty, and your vulnerablity.

]]> By: Dee Dee http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-894 Dee Dee Tue, 03 Mar 2009 02:51:05 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-894 Hmm, another great book is "Two fleas, no dog" by Craig Hill - one you could both benefit from... and Fireproof Your Marriage - well it might open his eyes to how much he expects from you with no gratitude in return even. It does sound like he was at least trying... and as if you, in your 'tired of the slackard attitude', were not rewarding his attempts. Guys esp. thrive on attaboys - thank yous- if we can learn to give them, even when part of us doesn't feel like it... then they'll improve by leaps and bounds. You are spot on when you say you are going to way until the anger subsides. Probably would also help to swallow the sarcasm, and be a self sacrificial... one more time. (Actually we end up doing it 'one more time' over and over.) I'll tell you what has worked best for me is to put it on paper, and not be there when he reads it. He has the opportunity to process it without my emotions... and I have the opportunity to write it - and try to remove my emotions as much as possible. Hopefully at the end of the day, this will be an experience that draws you closer together - helps you understand one another more. My hubby and I have been married for almost 24 years and we are still learning how to communicate best with one another. :) Hmm, another great book is “Two fleas, no dog” by Craig Hill – one you could both benefit from… and Fireproof Your Marriage – well it might open his eyes to how much he expects from you with no gratitude in return even.
It does sound like he was at least trying… and as if you, in your ‘tired of the slackard attitude’, were not rewarding his attempts. Guys esp. thrive on attaboys – thank yous- if we can learn to give them, even when part of us doesn’t feel like it… then they’ll improve by leaps and bounds.
You are spot on when you say you are going to way until the anger subsides. Probably would also help to swallow the sarcasm, and be a self sacrificial… one more time. (Actually we end up doing it ‘one more time’ over and over.)
I’ll tell you what has worked best for me is to put it on paper, and not be there when he reads it. He has the opportunity to process it without my emotions… and I have the opportunity to write it – and try to remove my emotions as much as possible. Hopefully at the end of the day, this will be an experience that draws you closer together – helps you understand one another more. My hubby and I have been married for almost 24 years and we are still learning how to communicate best with one another. :)

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-893 Anonymous Mon, 02 Mar 2009 23:04:09 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-893 <strong>Mom Blogs - Blogs for Moms...</strong> ... Mom Blogs – Blogs for Moms…

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]]> By: Margaret http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/03/how-to-speak-your-voice-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-892 Margaret Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:39:33 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=1248#comment-892 Maybe you should show him this blog. You explained all your feelings well here and that might give him a minute to digest it. That is some self-centered behavior. I think there was a book by a Sea World trainer about partner training as killer whale training? You reward the good behaviors and ignore the bad. Personally I don't think you should have to "train" another adult human being, but it's something to think about. If you can get a change overnight, you ought to write a book on how to do it; your complaints are legitimate and common among American men. Good luck! Maybe you should show him this blog. You explained all your feelings well here and that might give him a minute to digest it.
That is some self-centered behavior. I think there was a book by a Sea World trainer about partner training as killer whale training? You reward the good behaviors and ignore the bad. Personally I don’t think you should have to “train” another adult human being, but it’s something to think about.
If you can get a change overnight, you ought to write a book on how to do it; your complaints are legitimate and common among American men. Good luck!

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