Comments on: How to tell a friend from a frenemy

By: elle

elle — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 21:36:08 +0000

I’ve gotten rid of all my frienemies but my biggot, hyprocritial brother likes to bring them (one in particular) around me and feels like I’m a bitter person with a grudge for letting them out of my life. He figures, the past is the past and we are all different people now and I should have them in my life. Don’t know what to do. He’s actually mad at me for this. How messed is that?

By: Omar vs. Frenemies « Omar Versus …

Omar vs. Frenemies « Omar Versus … — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 19:08:09 +0000

[...] facebook. how many of my ‘friends’ on fb are actually not my friends?” You know, Frenemies? That’s a friend who isn’t exactly a friend. Sometimes, it’s a really [...]

By: Casey@Good. Food. Stories.

Casey@Good. Food. Stories. — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 01:20:26 +0000

Yep, been there – just stopped responding to a certain person’s calls one day after one too many last-minute cancellations of dinner and drinks dates. Not worth it, especially when there are too many people I WANT to spend more time with!
Casey@Good. Food. Stories.´s last [type] ..Pass It On Parties Jamie’s Food Revolution Giveaway

By: San

San — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 15:13:06 +0000

Loved this… and I just recently wrote about friendship myself: here
San´s last [type] ..It&8217s one of those days&8230

By: Vix

Vix — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 22:47:04 +0000

Brilliant; this article inspired me to send a spontaneous email to a friend of mine just to tell him that he rocks because I recognised him in all of the ‘true friend’ references.

I ended a friendship with a frenemy of nearly ten years, almost a year ago now, and it was one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself. TEN YEARS of frenmity? What was I thinking?

By: TraderHubbyDad

TraderHubbyDad — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 01:36:33 +0000

Damn Straight! Especially about so called “friends” on Facebook or Myspace. Thanks for this post.

By: Vicnez

Vicnez — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:11:14 +0000

I really love to read all your post. I just can realize Im not the only person who thinks that way. I have some frenemys and that include relatives ,right??

By: clanthony

clanthony — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 06:51:53 +0000

I try to be honest in my interactions with people: civility for acquaintances and affection for friends. Most of the time no one is confused.

I agree it’s best to avoid someone who is clearly hurting you. But I do not expect friends to make me feel good all the time. Sometimes friends annoy, irritate and challenge me – but they help me see what’s right. I admire and value them for this.

Nor do I expect every friendship to be equal. My ideal is to give some of my time and affection to people who I find awkward, insensitive etc. because they are still good. I may not get a lot of enjoyment/fun out of these friendships but I think it’s important to reach out, and usually there is something to like about each person. I guess I would call this “being a friend” rather than “having a friend.” Other people have been good friends to me in this way and I hope to pay it forward.

Of course there are people I am most comfortable with, who I seek out just because I like them and they like me. This is obviously the best.

But most of us will need imperfect friendships too, the kind where someone is being a friend to us when we are not capable of reciprocating.

If I insisted on a high level of enjoyment and equal contribution in friendships, I might end up with a very short list of friends, and perhaps when I am most in need, I would find myself alone (because that’s when I’m a “drag” to be around).

The willingness to be an unrewarded friend is a sign of a truly decent and kind human being. And that person may receive back in unforeseen ways.
The perfect illustration of this is the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” You may think it’s sentimental nonsense but I think it’s true.

By: Debbie

Debbie — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:37:52 +0000

Thanks for the post, Alisa (and to my real friend Jennifer for posting it on Facebook!). Definitely a topic I’ve thougth a lot about recently, since a frenemy (who didn’t think of as such until now), did some things to make it clear why she drove me so nuts. So thanks for helping me clarify this in my mind!

By: Jennifer Margulis

Jennifer Margulis — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:52:20 +0000

Fantastic post. I think we all have frenemies or maybe just people who are toxic in our lives. It’s good to keep it in perspective and know that other people struggle with this too.

I was just thinking today about a friend who I really like but who doesn’t know how to be a good friend. She doesn’t return phone calls, she cancels at the last minute, etc. She’s not a frenemy but she is unhappy in her life and not capable of being a good friend.

I decided not to put any more time into it. It’s too hurtful to call five times and not get a response. And even though I’m a bit sad about it, it feels good to decide to let it go, and concentrate my effort on people in my life who are as giving and kind as I strive to be. You know?