Comments on: Free marriage advice: Part 5

By: gemma

gemma — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:22:48 +0000

hi all my name is gemma i have been with my hubby for 13 years now and i love him so much,but the problem is we just dont talk anymore we r always argueing ,the passion has gone in our sex life to dont get me wrong when we do make love its still great but not like it used to and sometimes also feels like a chore.there was something that happened a few months ago when i was pregnant with our 3rd child that took my trust away i found a message on his facebook accont to an old girlfriend from school giving her his phone number and telling her only to phone him in work hours so i would not find out,i dont want my marridge to end but im stuck and feel like its ripping apart faster than i can keep up with it all please help

By: kinsey

kinsey — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 04:39:38 +0000

hi im kinsey well out of the ordanery in 12 and m Mom has me on the pc looking for marriage advice for her best fiends bridall shower “not shure if i spellt that rite” because she is having trouble with stuff to say so if you have quotes or lines write me at kinseycastillo@rocketmail.com i hope you guys have somthin????

))

By: Kathy

Kathy — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:17:55 +0000

Tiffany, I agree with you. It also works another way. If he says “I’m sorry” a lot, resentment builds on my part when I know he hasn’t understood what went wrong – he just doesn’t want to have an upset…

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Mon, 04 May 2009 19:05:35 +0000

Saying I’m sorry does usually fix the problem, but at the same time builds resentment towards the fact that it only shut my husband up. True, I don’t like seeing him upset, but when I say I’m sorry when I’m feeling wronged it almost acts as a crutch for him to manipulate me. Can’t this become a habit??

By: Sarah Liz

Sarah Liz — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 22:05:32 +0000

I think the first part of this is just brilliant! My now husband and I had a REALLY HARD TIME stopping threatening to leave. I think we both must’ve said that like literally a thousand times! I did it the first six months we lived together, he did it the last six months of our engagement…it was horrible. And I don’t think ANYTHING hurts more, or cuts deeper, than your beloved saying “I’m leaving.” NOTHING! Once we got THAT out of our system and realized that in fact, we were NOT leaving or going anywhere (minus cheating, addiction, complete neglect and physical abuse of course–because everyone has their standards and should!) our ENTIRE relationship IMPROVED a lot! I think a lot threatening to leave has to do with testing each other; but, in a really mean and hurtful way. Also, NOT having to be right all the time is HUGE! That’s so hard for me. Glad I’m not the only one. But, my point is….I think the #1 rule for ANY relationship is setting personal standards that you WILL hold one another too. After you’ve established and realize that you’re NOT going anywhere, it gets easier! Goodluck!

Blessings,
-Sarah Liz

By: Kelli

Kelli — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:40:36 +0000

I really appreciate this series. While I am kicking things across the room, I often think about writing down whats making me angry…but I can never think of how to sort it all out. I know that using these steps will help me to effectively analyze my feelings and communicate better. Thank You!

By: B J

B J — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 03:14:15 +0000

Just wanted to add – my estranged husband saw the movie “Love Story” and in it was the line “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”. What the hell is up with that line of thinking?? Well, (you can probably guess the rest) he figured he never had to say I’m sorry to anyone, let alone me!! and he didn’t. Ever! I hate that movie!!!!

By: Andrea

Andrea — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 04:41:42 +0000

Great series Alisa. I would just add that a session of Wii Boxing can help too! But seriously, good advice and good information!

By: B J

B J — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 01:19:04 +0000

Erin – I, too, am currently struggling with finding my voice. Don’t be too hard on yourself, sweetie. Baby steps, and give yourself some time. You’ll get there.
Alisa – I truly enjoyed the series, and want to note here that MOST of your advice (excluding part 3!) could apply to any relationship, not just a marital one. Many of the same pointers could be used to strengthen relationships between friends, parents and children, in the workplace, etc. Great job!

By: Erin

Erin — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:09:19 +0000

If I could marry this series, I would. I’ve been going through a bit of a personal crisis of my own, most of it having to do with finding my own voice in my family + my marriage, (ironically, I have a very strong voice in my career).

Every day I’ve read these posts and it’s helped me realize things I could do differently. My husband will apologize when he knows he’s wrong; I, however, tend to do it to stop the argument and then I resent myself for having backed down.

Keep it up!