If you take a look at some of the biggest sex symbols of modern times, you might be tempted to think that sexiness can only be found in cleavage that just doesn’t stop or with cellulite free thighs that go on forever.
You don't need to look like this bombshell to be sexy.
I’m sure most men wouldn’t kick you out of bed for either trait, but you can pull off sexy without spending thousands on newer and better boobs or starving yourself thin with the latest diet. Yes, you really can. I know because I’m living proof.
More about my transformation from dumpy to sexy in a bit. First, we need to define the topic at hand.
What qualities add up to create a sexy woman? I posed this very question to number of men—including my husband. This is what they listed. A sexy woman is:
Confident. She stands tall, makes eye contact, and knows what she wants. “Tell us guys what you want, where you want it, and how you want it, and we’re there,” one guy friend told me.
Completely at home in her God-given glorious body. Sure she might be a little round in the tummy. There might be cellulite on her thighs. Her boobs may not be what they used to be, but she walks with confidence, is not shy to wear flattering clothing, and does not turn off the lights when it’s time to get down to business. “Being comfortable with her body, as is, and letting her lover confidently explore her is one of the biggest turn-ons around,” said one guy.
Competent. She’s good at what she does. “Successful business women are sexy. When I say ‘successful in business,’ I’m not talking about a woman who has money. I’m speaking more about a woman who has drive and an entrepreneurial spirit,” says Gerald Weber, the one guy who didn’t mind me using his name. I thought I would reward him for his boldness by telling you that he runs a kick ass company called the Search Engine Marketing Group. Want your site to rank higher with Google or more people to read your blog? He’s your man.
Physically fit. This is my husband’s addition. He likes a woman with nice sculpted thighs and a backside that won’t quit.
Take a look at that list again. Do you see anything there that you can’t change? Didn’t think so. None of the men I interviewed mentioned anything about Double Ds or lipo lips.
From Dumpy to Sexpot
When I met my husband 13 years ago, I was not sexy. In fact, I later found out that he was mostly interested in the sexy friend who happened to be sitting next to me at the bar that one night. He settled for me, but he wasn’t sorry.
I didn’t knock his socks off on our first encounter for a few reasons.
1) I was bashful about my body, so I dressed in baggy, unflattering clothing.
2) I was painfully shy and unsure of myself.
3) I wore my hair in a pixie.
There probably was not a man in my life who would have described me as sexy back then. Cute? Yes. Sexy? Not in a million years.
About two years ago, though, something changed. I grew my hair out. I bought form-fitting clothes. I occasionally wore makeup. I was successful in business and felt confident about my success. I made eye contact and smiled when I talked. I cracked jokes. I found who I was, and was not ashamed to be that person.
And men–including my husband–started noticing me. Now, not a day goes by that my husband doesn’t tell me, “Wow, you look hot.”
Really, it’s true.
Here’s how you can make a similar transformation.
Meet with a makeup artist. Most will do you up for free because they want you to buy their makeup. Go for a natural look that makes you feel confident. It’s about how you feel, and not about how you look.
Go shopping with a friend. Allow her to nix any outfit with a Dumpy Rating higher than 2 or a Sexy Rating below 7.
Take risks. Each time you do so, you’ll become more confident.
Learn how to make eye contact when you talk. Practice on a dog or cat, if needed. Then advance to real live humans.
Smile and laugh. Both require a sense of inner happiness, which means you need to take charge of your life, career, and relationships.
Take back your vagina. I wore baggy clothes and was bashful about my body so many years ago because I was sexually abused when I was younger. I found men threatening and I dealt with my fear of men by making myself invisible. If they didn’t notice me, then they would not be tempted to hurt me. I can’t say that I’ve completely outgrown my fear of men, but I have taken back my vagina and my body in general. I’m allowed to be sexy. I’m allowed to talk dirty. I’m allowed to look good. So are you.
How do you take back your vagina? You do it a little over time, but I do recommend you do four things right away. 1) Get waxed, like down there. There’s nothing like a beautifully sculpted picture of a martini glass on your front side to make you feel pretty in every single way. 2) Exercise. The healthier you feel, the better you will feel about your body. 3) Wear a bikini. Just do it. It gets easier over time. 4) Have sex with the lights on. Again, it gets easier and easier.
Love yourself. Then others will love you back.
Read cool stuff from other sexy women at the Carnival of Mommy Bloggers.
What do you think makes a woman sexy? Have you gone from dumpy to sexy? Leave a comment.
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Copyright 2008 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you so much for your kind words and nice mention!
Wow such a nice inspiring post. Although I did kind of hit the floor bit when you said “take back your vagina”
On the more serious side this is wonderful advice for anyone looking to make life improvements. Please keep writing these great articles!
I can anecodotally say, I’ve employed nearly all of these tactics and my husband would probably say, even if he weren’t my husband, that I’m one of the sexiest women he knows.
I’m not afraid of my body. It’s not small, but I take care of it. And I am not afraid to walk around naked.
One of the best things I did to boost my sexiness confidence was to take pole dancing classes.
I wasn’t ever really shy about my body, but taking these classes reminds me of what a vixen I am. I love that I can come home, show my husband the amazing muscles I’ve developed from the pole and saunter into the shower without feeling the need to cover up.
It doesn’t hurt that I can talk business and that I have a few ounces of self esteem.
Some might see me as being over confident. I call it sexy.
Hey beautiful … or should I say SEXY! Thanks for all of the great reminders … I’m doing great on some and need to get back on track with some.
Gerald I can see how that might have “shocked” a guy … but for us gals it grabs our attention and makes us say, “Yep! Need to get it in gear! No slacking.” So just hope your woman reads it too. LOL
Have a great week and thanks again for the sexy ideas and the SmiLe *huGs* Suzanne
Thanks for that honesty. And I agree on all your points, except the makeup and ¨sexy¨ clothes. I do not think those are necessary to be either sexy or self-confident. In truth, I think we should reject our society’s oppressive beauty standards that mandate we wear short, tight skirts and work out. I like working out and think everybody should – for health reasons. Our society puts too much emphasis on looks. I think it’s most helpful to focus on confidence based on being happy with yourself, on becoming the person you want, making your personality what you want it to be, demanding what you deserve, not letting anyone walk over you or use you, standing up for yourself, respecting yourself, and so on. When I was a teenager I was pretty plump, but my boyfriend thought I was the sexiest woman around. He adored me and worshiped me, and it’s not because i had a cellulite-free body or wore makeup, as I didn’t.
I think your article is great, but it should be highlighted that personality and confidence issues ought to supersede altering our appearance to meet others’ standards. I.e. I haven’t worn heels in years. I gave them away. I Hate them. I can’t walk comfortably, my feet hurt, and there is just No point to them. Same with shaving and waxing. You’ve gotta wonder, truly, if you’re doing it for YOURself. And really, why you find hairlessness better than hairyness. Why you prefer heels over flats. Dig deep. Dig until you figure out, honestly,whether you’re doing it for yourself or for others,and through others, for yourself – if you’re doing it to gain others’ approval, which would ultimately make these acts ¨your¨ choice, etc. I hope this is all coherent enough.
Oh, I feel the need to respond. None of my points — makeup, clothing, exercise, waxing–are about outer appearance. They are about confidence. I used to think waxing was for men until I had it done and realized 1) just how fantastic it feels (lots more sensation) 2) How much sexier I felt 3) The experience of being waxed forces you to get over any KEEP THAT THING IN HIDING feelings you may have, because everything is up front and center and being stared at in a major way. It’s the same point with the bikini–it’s not about wearing one so other men will look at you. It’s about being so comfortable with your body that you can wear one without feeling self conscious. It’s the self conscious part that I think we can all do without. We’re all just beautiful the way we are. We should all feel perfectly comfortable showing off that beauty.
Same with exercise–feeling strong and fit enables one to feel confident and sexy. It all goes together.
Excellent article. Will you please write additional about this topic.
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Wow. We sound EXACTLY the same. But I’m where you used to be. I’m in the process of growing my hair out now from the pixie cut i’ve been hiding behind for 15 years. I’m about to turn 30 and I’ve always just been cute, my husband knows, he just KNOWS, I am the sexiest woman alive. I just don’t see it. I’ve always worn clothes that don’t flatter me and slouched over really bad. Now I’m trying to sit up straight and wear nicer clothes but I still feel like I’m a kid pretending….
your not pretending.Youve been handed down from past generations all of your body parts. Embrace all the ones you recognize and lovinly observe the others. Your made up from your past and once you get excited about your body you will embrace it.
( every time I look at my wrists I see my mother, my smile is my father, my cheeks are my greatgrandmothers…) enjoy being sexy! Happy Thanksgiving as well
I read this and said, “make up – check, wear clothes that fit – check, make eye contact & smile & laugh – check check check”…. I even exercise and am currently training for a half marathon… I have a job that makes me feel successful and confident, am well spoken, appropriately opinionated, and even trim the nether-region… but seriously, my husband wouldn’t take a second look at me. He looks right through me. When he does make a comment or attempt a compliment it’s hours after the fact and (for lack of a better term) half-ass. No sparkle to his voice, he’s not convincing. And, unfortunately, I’m one of those people that loves a good compliment or my ass grabbed once in a while.
Dear Ignored, your husband does not appreciate you nearly well enough. You can’t make him value you. Here’s my advice: figure out where you can go out to, such as a popular bar or night club, where you can dance, socialize and enjoy others admiring you. Then tell your hubby that you want him to take you out there next Friday or Saturday night. When he gives you his half-ass answer, tell him firmly that you are going, with or without him. Then do it! He’s either going to wake up, get extremely jealous and start treating you like the hot woman you are, rather than just as his property, or he’s not going to respond, and just let you go. If he let’s you go, just keep on going honey until you find the man of your dreams who treasures all of you! If he lets you go, he was a brain-dead fool anyway and not worthy your love any more! He does not own you, you do!
I’ve been dressing as a gothic boy since I was 7 since my father started mentally and physically abusing me. It was so horrible that my own doctor thought I was a boy! I desided to finally change 6 months ago after my first love dumped me for this short blond chesty babe. Now me, I’m an A cup been told I have a nice ass and I’m curvy with slightly broader shoulders and thighs. Comes from wrestling in middle school(I’m 18 now). But anyway, I grew out my hair started wearing a little makeup and threw out all my gothic gear and now every where I go I practically get chased by guys! Even at subway! But thank you so much for writing this it makes me feel great about myself even more then usual these days. Anyways good luck and I hope you live long and laugh at something randomly that happened the day before. Bye bye!
this was an inspiring post, thanks
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