The art of not showering
I will not shower today, and I might not shower tomorrow, either.
I don’t smell. I don’t look dirty or greasy. As far as I’m concerned, I could easily go three or four days without standing underneath that hot stream of water.
Most people shower too much as far as I’m concerned. I used to be one of them. Showering was part of my morning routine. I got up. I brushed my teeth. I showered. I chugged a few cups of coffee. It’s how I turned on my brain.
Then, if I exercised, I showered again.
My slide into the World of the Unshowereds happened gradually. It started once I went freelance and no longer truly needed to leave the house. When one doesn’t need to leave the house, one’s personal care routine can easily move to the bottom of the to-do list. One, for instance, may not realize that one has not yet brushed one’s hair or teeth until a delivery person comes to the door at 3 p.m.
Still, during that time of my life, I probably showered every other day. It wasn’t until I became a mother that my showering routine really dried up. My husband, at that time, was working 12-hour days, 7 days a week. Our daughter had colic and, later, separation anxiety. She cried whenever I put her down. It seemed cruel to put her down just because I wanted to get clean, so I began to experiment with the Art of Not Showering. I began testing just how long I could go before I was In Dire Need of a Shower.
There are five clues that allow me to know whether I am In Dire Need of a Shower. They are:
- I smell.
- My hair looks greasy.
- My skin feels tacky or sticky.
- I look dirty.
- My daughter tells me I smell like the dog.
With much experimentation, I’ve learned that I am only In Dire Need of a Shower once every four days. There are some exceptions to this unshowered rule of thumb, though. They are:
Exception #1: Exercise. If I exercise and it’s summertime, I have to shower that day, even if I just showered the day before. If it’s wintertime, I might be able to get by with a “dry shower” (more on this in a few paragraphs) or no shower at all.
Exception #2: Sex. Even if I don’t think I smell, I always shower before sex because I love my husband and I don’t want him to divorce me.
Exception #3: I’ve been to the salon for a hair cut the day before and my stylist loaded my hair up with gel and spray. Note: You can only go days without showering if you do not wear hair products.
Exception #4: I’m menstruating.
I’ve also determined that there are three different kinds of showers.
Shower Type #1: The Dry Shower. You’re probably not dirty, but you’re a little self conscious about whether or not your dirty meter is functioning properly. Perhaps you just exercised outdoors in the winter. You don’t think you got sweaty, but you are not sure. Perhaps you are getting all dolled up to go out for the evening and you just want to put any fear of smellage out of your mind. That’s when you do the dry shower. You wash your face and take baby wipes to your pits and privates. If you want to make sure you are super dooper spring fresh, you follow up with baby powder.
Shower Type #2: The Speed Shower. This is the type of shower I usually take. You get in the shower, stand just outside the stream of water and lather up your pits, privates and feet. You do not wash your hair or shave.
Shower Type #3: The Spa Shower. This is the full deal. You shampoo and condition your hair. You lather and scrub every inch of your skin. You shave. I generally only take a spa shower once or twice a week.
You might think you could never go a day without showering. You might think that you never would want to go a day without showering. I can only tell you this: you’ll be amazed by what you can get used to. And Not Showering offers many benefits. They include:
- You’ll gain 10 to 20 extra minutes on your unshowered days.
- You’ll save money on your water bill.
- You won’t have to clean your shower stall as often.
- Your hair and skin will look amazing. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about showering. Most people shower too much, which strips hair and skin of moisture-making both look dull. If you really want to look good for a special occasion, shower the day before the event and not the day of. Hair and skin, I’ve found, looks best 48 hours after showering.
How often do you shower? How long have you gone between showers? Post a comment or take our poll.
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Tags: personal care, Personal happiness, showering
November 19th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
[...] Tomorrow: The Art of Not Showering Share and [...]
November 19th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I looked at my man last night and said, “I think I’ll take a shower tomorrow.” He agreed that this might be a good idea.
If I’m going out to meet with clients I shower, but if I’m just working around the house, it seems like a waste to do it every day in the cooler months. I’m a girl, I just don’t get THAT dirty in 24 hours.
November 19th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
A woman after my own heart! I stay at home ALL the time. I often wear the same clothes 3 days in a row so I don’t waste the time or energy having to do laundry. I follow your same shower guidelines unless I’m going out with friends, then I need fresh hair. I also forget to use deodorant half the time. Except when i was pregnant with Josh, I don’t smell. It’s so weird! I don’t even wear perfume, I’m alergic. Wow, from the way I’m talking I sound like I need to go to a Grateful Dead Show he he he…
November 19th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Not showering has environmental benefits. Did you know tht not showering 1 day a week could save over 665,268,513 gallons of water a year? And if you really just don’t want to shower or have the time, you can use Action Wipes (www.actionwipes.com).
November 19th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Hysterical! So, so true!
November 19th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I shower every other day, which coincides with my runs. I basically only shower on days when I run. If I go a couple of days without a run, then I go a couple of days without a shower.
You’re absolutely right about the skin and hair thing. Ditto the sex thing, though. If I am in the mood for love, I will shower!
We bathe the kids every other day, but not always. Sometimes they go a few days. The older one has eczema, so it’s really better that he not stand under hot water on a frequent basis.
November 19th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Eep! That’s my son’s Simpson’s avatar! I forgot he was logged into his wordpress blog on this computer! I don’t look like that, even if it has been a few days since I’ve showered!
November 20th, 2008 at 11:33 am
[...] yesterday’s blog-The Art of Not Showering-I heard a great deal of applause from the un-showered masses, most of them moms or freelance [...]
November 20th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
I usually shower every other day. Some days I got 2 days between. Of course, after exercise is an exception. I also don’t (gasp!) bathe my kids every day. It started because my oldest was in a cast for 12 weeks during the first few months of his life. So we only bathed him once a week when we changed his cast. So we never got into the habit of daily baths. It just didn’t make sense to change it. Of course, explosive diapers, major puke, and birthday cake were exceptions!
November 24th, 2008 at 1:17 am
There’s a fourth type of shower that should be on your list, and this one might make it more enticing to shower frequently: The Sex Shower. I love to shower with my woman, lather her hair, wash her body with a body gel and sponge, and then see where it all leads. I am amazed at the number of couples that pass up this great time to share each other’s bodies. So like the old saying says, “Save water; shower with a friend!”
December 9th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
God, you’re after my heart. I thought I was the only one. Now that I’m unemployed, it’s a week between showers, but I’d really like it to be 3-4 days because I *do* get greasy. I’m thinking of asking for a rent discount because I *know* I’ve saved the landlord a ton of cash (since he’s the one paying the water bill.) It’s the American in us — we think we have to make our bodies squeaky clean, but, it’s just not so. NOW, on the other hand, I worked with a guy who didn’t shower for (well, I don’t know his length between cleanings) but he stunk to high heaven most of the time. That’s the line. Totally. You want to stay home and be dirty? Fine. But Don’t Offend.