Comments on: My midlife crisis http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/ Because life after "I do" isn't always so charming Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:31:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Alisa http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-87933 Alisa Mon, 19 Sep 2011 20:32:27 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-87933 Kappy--It sounds like he's stringing you along. I would suggest getting as much on with your own life as you can. Be a good mother to your daughter. Find something that fills out outside of your family (and I'm not talking about another man... I just mean good friends, hobbies, interests etc). Really this sounds like more than a midlife crisis to me. This guy just wants to have it all and he's hurting you and his own daughter in the process. Kappy–It sounds like he’s stringing you along. I would suggest getting as much on with your own life as you can. Be a good mother to your daughter. Find something that fills out outside of your family (and I’m not talking about another man… I just mean good friends, hobbies, interests etc). Really this sounds like more than a midlife crisis to me. This guy just wants to have it all and he’s hurting you and his own daughter in the process.

]]> By: KAPPY http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-87931 KAPPY Mon, 19 Sep 2011 20:13:31 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-87931 Where to start!! I've been married for almost 17 yrs. We are both 39 yrs old. I thought happily. Like any other marriage we have ups and downs but nothing major. About 3 1/2 yrs ago my husband had an emotional affair. I had suspicions and confronted him. He cried and swore to me it was nothing. He met her a a job related event once and it was only phone conversations. He never saw her again. He never had physical contact with her. He begged me to forgive him that he would prove himself to me. I chose to work through it. We have an 11 yr old daughter and she deserved that much. It was a tough year or so where I was constant worried what if he does it again. I never turned him away or rejected him. Even on days I felt like leaving him for breaking my heart. I cried a lot the first 6 months. I just worked out my inner demons and i got through it without therapy. These past 2 years were, I thought, great. We had a great summer. We went out on the boat almost every weekend. We went on a few family trips with my nieces and nephews to universal studios and Disney and busch gardens. Our sex life was in full swing. Everything seemed wonderful. Last august 31, we had a small argument over a dream I had. He went all off and told me that he loves me but is not sure he is in love with me. Time is passing and he wants to live his life. He wants to party and have fun with his friends without having to worry about coming home at a reasonable time or not coming at all. He needs time to sort out his feelings. Wow was my response. What happened?? He says he's been unhappy for at least a year now but he was waiting. When I asked about the wonderful summer we just had he had no answer. We agreed we would "separate" while living in the same house. I wouldn't question where he goes or comes. I wouldn't call him unless it was related to our daughter. I moved to the spare room. This lasted about a week before he started calling and texting me. In about two weeks he invites me over to his room and we slept together. Things looked like they were going on the right track. About 4 weeks later I get another speech on how he is just not feeling it. He feels trapped and wants to run away. Again I leave to the spare room. We would set up dinner dates just us without my daughter. It seemed like slowly we were getting somewhere. It didn't seem hopeless. Then the first week of January he again tells me that it's just not working and he feels his life is paused. He needs to live cause he's not getting any younger. He starts again going out with his friends but instead of once or twice a week, almost every night til 4-5 am. I say nothing to him. I don't argue or fight what he wants to do. About a week after valentines day he comes to me again and he tells me that he read a book online that made him realize that had to try to make this work for the sake of our daughter. That she deserves that much. I agree and tell him we can work through this. He even tells me he's willing to maybe try counseling. He says no more distractions or parties. He's going to concentrate on us. Since then he has been home more. He has still gone out with his friends ( did I mention they are are in their 20's and single) once every two weeks. Since then i found out he ha a physical affair with a friend of the family for about two months and then hooked up with her again about 2 months ago for supposively just one or two times. He still tells me he doesn't feel it. He doesn't know what's happening to him. He moved out to his moms house exactly one month ago today. We have had Very little discussions about us. He tells me he needs to live his life to see what he wants but as of now it's not me or being married. He moved out to his moms house to sort things out in his head and to see what it is that he wants. No signs so far of me being in those plans!! Is he having a mid life crisis??? What can I do to help him?? I'm willing to work through it and patiently wait until his feelings come back. But how can I get him to wait too. He keeps talking about leaving. I'm scared if he leaves it's over. He won't come back. Where to start!! I’ve been married for almost 17 yrs. We are both 39 yrs old. I thought happily. Like any other marriage we have ups and downs but nothing major. About 3 1/2 yrs ago my husband had an emotional affair. I had suspicions and confronted him. He cried and swore to me it was nothing. He met her a a job related event once and it was only phone conversations. He never saw her again. He never had physical contact with her. He begged me to forgive him that he would prove himself to me. I chose to work through it. We have an 11 yr old daughter and she deserved that much. It was a tough year or so where I was constant worried what if he does it again. I never turned him away or rejected him. Even on days I felt like leaving him for breaking my heart. I cried a lot the first 6 months. I just worked out my inner demons and i got through it without therapy. These past 2 years were, I thought, great. We had a great summer. We went out on the boat almost every weekend. We went on a few family trips with my nieces and nephews to universal studios and Disney and busch gardens. Our sex life was in full swing. Everything seemed wonderful. Last august 31, we had a small argument over a dream I had. He went all off and told me that he loves me but is not sure he is in love with me. Time is passing and he wants to live his life. He wants to party and have fun with his friends without having to worry about coming home at a reasonable time or not coming at all. He needs time to sort out his feelings. Wow was my response. What happened?? He says he’s been unhappy for at least a year now but he was waiting. When I asked about the wonderful summer we just had he had no answer.
We agreed we would “separate” while living in the same house. I wouldn’t question where he goes or comes. I wouldn’t call him unless it was related to our daughter. I moved to the spare room. This lasted about a week before he started calling and texting me. In about two weeks he invites me over to his room and we slept together. Things looked like they were going on the right track. About 4 weeks later I get another speech on how he is just not feeling it. He feels trapped and wants to run away. Again I leave to the spare room. We would set up dinner dates just us without my daughter. It seemed like slowly we were getting somewhere. It didn’t seem hopeless. Then the first week of January he again tells me that it’s just not working and he feels his life is paused. He needs to live cause he’s not getting any younger. He starts again going out with his friends but instead of once or twice a week, almost every night til 4-5 am. I say nothing to him. I don’t argue or fight what he wants to do. About a week after valentines day he comes to me again and he tells me that he read a book online that made him realize that had to try to make this work for the sake of our daughter. That she deserves that much. I agree and tell him we can work through this. He even tells me he’s willing to maybe try counseling. He says no more distractions or parties. He’s going to concentrate on us. Since then he has been home more. He has still gone out with his friends ( did I mention they are are in their 20′s and single) once every two weeks. Since then i found out he ha a physical affair with a friend of the family for about two months and then hooked up with her again about 2 months ago for supposively just one or two times. He still tells me he doesn’t feel it. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him. He moved out to his moms house exactly one month ago today. We have had
Very little discussions about us. He tells me he needs to live his life to see what he wants but as of now it’s not me or being married.

He moved out to his moms house to sort things out in his head and to see what it is that he wants. No signs so far of me being in those plans!!

Is he having a mid life crisis??? What can I do to help him?? I’m willing to work through it and patiently wait until his feelings come back. But how can I get him to wait too. He keeps talking about leaving. I’m scared if he leaves it’s over. He won’t come back.

]]> By: preciousmoment http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-25630 preciousmoment Wed, 05 Jan 2011 17:22:18 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-25630 I am 36 and going thru the early midlife crisis now. It is horrible. The new year just made it worse. I can see nothing good coming out of the next year. No matter what I do to make things better nothing works, I fail at everything. But I still can't accept just doing nothing, but what is the point if I just fail. What you said spoke to me, and I will try. I know I need to use this as an inspirational time of my life and use the adversity to get my second wind. But I am just so tired of it. Thank you for what you do it shows me a glimmer of that mythilogical "hope" I so desperately want to believe in. I am 36 and going thru the early midlife crisis now. It is horrible. The new year just made it worse. I can see nothing good coming out of the next year. No matter what I do to make things better nothing works, I fail at everything. But I still can’t accept just doing nothing, but what is the point if I just fail. What you said spoke to me, and I will try. I know I need to use this as an inspirational time of my life and use the adversity to get my second wind. But I am just so tired of it.
Thank you for what you do it shows me a glimmer of that mythilogical “hope” I so desperately want to believe in.

]]> By: ab exercise dvd http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-8499 ab exercise dvd Fri, 14 May 2010 19:02:27 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-8499 Its always advantageous to discover ideas in the event that you discuss for blog posting. Because I just started posting comments for blog and facing issue associated with lots of rejections. I think your suggestion may be helpful for me personally. We may show you in its perform for me too. Its always advantageous to discover ideas in the event that you discuss for blog posting. Because I just started posting comments for blog and facing issue associated with lots of rejections. I think your suggestion may be helpful for me personally. We may show you in its perform for me too.

]]> By: Trish http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-3201 Trish Wed, 19 Aug 2009 03:04:58 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-3201 I'm so grateful to have found this blog. Thank you for reminding me I'm not and will most never be the only person in the world going through a period of grand reassessment and internal turmoil. I’m so grateful to have found this blog. Thank you for reminding me I’m not and will most never be the only person in the world going through a period of grand reassessment and internal turmoil.

]]> By: David Acai http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-1105 David Acai Sun, 29 Mar 2009 23:33:44 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-1105 This is a great to the point post. Thank you. I am 43 and my mid life crisis started when I sold my company, then decided to go back for my MBA, and had a lot of time on my hands and thats when it started seetin in. But I have heard of others going through thier crisis as young as 34. This is a great to the point post. Thank you. I am 43 and my mid life crisis started when I sold my company, then decided to go back for my MBA, and had a lot of time on my hands and thats when it started seetin in. But I have heard of others going through thier crisis as young as 34.

]]> By: midlife slices http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-446 midlife slices Sun, 28 Dec 2008 17:37:56 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-446 Good advice but I don't think you've had the "real" midlife crises yet and I'm afraid when you do have it, you will be shocked. I thought the same way as you until I hit 50 and then it was like a train ran over me and life as I'd known it was a thing of the past and I was totally unprepared for what lie ahead. I hope I'm wrong about you......but I'm just sayin... Good advice but I don’t think you’ve had the “real” midlife crises yet and I’m afraid when you do have it, you will be shocked. I thought the same way as you until I hit 50 and then it was like a train ran over me and life as I’d known it was a thing of the past and I was totally unprepared for what lie ahead.

I hope I’m wrong about you……but I’m just sayin…

]]> By: Liz http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-141 Liz Sun, 30 Nov 2008 19:17:37 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-141 Life Passages are transitions; sometimes we need time to get ready for what is next in life; career changes and not retirement is becoming more the norm; we are living so long that multiple careers and multiple marriages are becoming commonplace. Thank you for your insights. I was just trying to figure out, just what is a malaise? Life Passages are transitions; sometimes we need time to get ready for what is next in life; career changes and not retirement is becoming more the norm; we are living so long that multiple careers and multiple marriages are becoming commonplace. Thank you for your insights. I was just trying to figure out, just what is a malaise?

]]> By: Dr Carolyn Clansy Miller http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-4 Dr Carolyn Clansy Miller Tue, 11 Nov 2008 19:40:51 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-4 Great post!!! You're tips are right on target...we need to include you in the textbooks! Great post!!! You’re tips are right on target…we need to include you in the textbooks!

]]> By: Rob Erbeau http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2008/11/my-midlife-crisis/comment-page-1/#comment-3 Rob Erbeau Fri, 07 Nov 2008 01:20:29 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=438#comment-3 My midlife crisis cost me my marriage. It came at a time in life when I thought I was invincible and too wise to ever make a major mistake. By the time it was over, I had lost everything: my wife, my house, and my dignity. It took a decade to recover. Not recognizing the crisis while it was occurring was my undoing. So if you find yourself suddenly seeing the world differently, if your friends start acting like you're acting weird, if you start thinking another spouse would answer all your problems... and you are around the magic age of 45... get some help: you're having a midlife crisis. My midlife crisis cost me my marriage. It came at a time in life when I thought I was invincible and too wise to ever make a major mistake. By the time it was over, I had lost everything: my wife, my house, and my dignity. It took a decade to recover. Not recognizing the crisis while it was occurring was my undoing. So if you find yourself suddenly seeing the world differently, if your friends start acting like you’re acting weird, if you start thinking another spouse would answer all your problems… and you are around the magic age of 45… get some help: you’re having a midlife crisis.

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