The art of not showering
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008I will not shower today, and I might not shower tomorrow, either.
I don’t smell. I don’t look dirty or greasy. As far as I’m concerned, I could easily go three or four days without standing underneath that hot stream of water.
Most people shower too much as far as I’m concerned. I used to be one of them. Showering was part of my morning routine. I got up. I brushed my teeth. I showered. I chugged a few cups of coffee. It’s how I turned on my brain.
Then, if I exercised, I showered again.
My slide into the World of the Unshowereds happened gradually. It started once I went freelance and no longer truly needed to leave the house. When one doesn’t need to leave the house, one’s personal care routine can easily move to the bottom of the to-do list. One, for instance, may not realize that one has not yet brushed one’s hair or teeth until a delivery person comes to the door at 3 p.m.
Still, during that time of my life, I probably showered every other day. It wasn’t until I became a mother that my showering routine really dried up. My husband, at that time, was working 12-hour days, 7 days a week. Our daughter had colic and, later, separation anxiety. She cried whenever I put her down. It seemed cruel to put her down just because I wanted to get clean, so I began to experiment with the Art of Not Showering. I began testing just how long I could go before I was In Dire Need of a Shower.
There are five clues that allow me to know whether I am In Dire Need of a Shower. They are:
- I smell.
- My hair looks greasy.
- My skin feels tacky or sticky.
- I look dirty.
- My daughter tells me I smell like the dog.
With much experimentation, I’ve learned that I am only In Dire Need of a Shower once every four days. There are some exceptions to this unshowered rule of thumb, though. They are:
Exception #1: Exercise. If I exercise and it’s summertime, I have to shower that day, even if I just showered the day before. If it’s wintertime, I might be able to get by with a “dry shower” (more on this in a few paragraphs) or no shower at all.
Exception #2: Sex. Even if I don’t think I smell, I always shower before sex because I love my husband and I don’t want him to divorce me.
Exception #3: I’ve been to the salon for a hair cut the day before and my stylist loaded my hair up with gel and spray. Note: You can only go days without showering if you do not wear hair products.
Exception #4: I’m menstruating.
I’ve also determined that there are three different kinds of showers.
Shower Type #1: The Dry Shower. You’re probably not dirty, but you’re a little self conscious about whether or not your dirty meter is functioning properly. Perhaps you just exercised outdoors in the winter. You don’t think you got sweaty, but you are not sure. Perhaps you are getting all dolled up to go out for the evening and you just want to put any fear of smellage out of your mind. That’s when you do the dry shower. You wash your face and take baby wipes to your pits and privates. If you want to make sure you are super dooper spring fresh, you follow up with baby powder.
Shower Type #2: The Speed Shower. This is the type of shower I usually take. You get in the shower, stand just outside the stream of water and lather up your pits, privates and feet. You do not wash your hair or shave.
Shower Type #3: The Spa Shower. This is the full deal. You shampoo and condition your hair. You lather and scrub every inch of your skin. You shave. I generally only take a spa shower once or twice a week.
You might think you could never go a day without showering. You might think that you never would want to go a day without showering. I can only tell you this: you’ll be amazed by what you can get used to. And Not Showering offers many benefits. They include:
- You’ll gain 10 to 20 extra minutes on your unshowered days.
- You’ll save money on your water bill.
- You won’t have to clean your shower stall as often.
- Your hair and skin will look amazing. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about showering. Most people shower too much, which strips hair and skin of moisture-making both look dull. If you really want to look good for a special occasion, shower the day before the event and not the day of. Hair and skin, I’ve found, looks best 48 hours after showering.
How often do you shower? How long have you gone between showers? Post a comment or take our poll.
Loading ...Coming Tomorrow: The Art of Not Doing Laundry
