Why I wish I’d married Edward the Vampire
This month, my book club read Twilight, the young adult novel about a teenage girl who falls in love with a vampire.
Yes, that’s right, it’s a young adult novel. And, yes, my book club is composed of grown women.
But, I soon learned, we were not the only grown women reading this young book. When I am reading a book, I keep it in my purse. That way, I have it handy whenever I need to distract myself, say, when I’m sitting around waiting for an appointment. It seemed no matter where or when I pulled that book from my purse, another grown woman said, “Oh Twilight! I read that! Looooved it! Just looooved it.”
I heard this from female physicians. I heard it from receptionists. I heard it from waitresses. It was the must-read book for everywoman.
Why? It sure wasn’t the sentence structure. About 80 percent of the book’s sentences are either two or three words long. See Jane Run? Yep, just like that.
It also wasn’t the story line. Just in case you have not read, the story line is as young adult as a book gets:
I think he likes me.
No, he hates me!
Oh wait, he really likes me.
So hates me.
Likes me.
Really likes me.
Really, really, really likes me.
Looooves me.
Yep, that about sums it up. It’s your typical romance novel, with the exception that the object of affection happens to be a vampire. An, a-hem, extremely sexy vampire at that.
But Why is Edward Too Sexy for This Life?
This is the question I found myself asking over and over again as I, like Bella, found myself falling for Edward. As I continued to turn pages, I found myself becoming more and more dissatisfied with my husband and more and more enamored with Edward.
I wondered: Is it because he’s dangerous?
Is it the way she describes him, with his “silken, irresistible voice,” dazzling eyes, inhumanly beautiful face, pale skin, angular features, and muscular chest?
Is it because he’s mysterious?
Is it because he dotes on her, even watching her sleep?
Is it because he protects her? Well, that’s definitely part of it. The scene where he growls and bares his teeth to scare other vampires away from her? Oh, I was ready to jump into the book, pull my hair to one side and expose my neck to those fangs of his.
Is it because he’s chivalrous, offering her his jacket when she’s cold, sitting next to her in her hospital room as she recovers, denying his natural nature so he can be with her? That’s definitely part of it. My husband is his sexiest whenever he thinks to offer me his jacket. Note to self: remind husband to do this more often.
Is it because he’s only 17? Um, maaaaybe.
That he drives fast?
That he excels at everything he tries?
That he can read minds?
That he could be evil, but he’s chosen to be good?
That he falls so hopelessly in love with her at first sight?
That he adores the way she smells?
No matter how much I thought about it, I just kept coming up empty. As I drove to book club last night, I looked forward to hearing from the others, to finding out the answer to this question: Why is Edward so sexy? Because, honestly, if I can figure it out, I might be able to teach my husband to be more like Edward, you know?
But the women at book club were just as stumped as I was. They all thought he was hot. There was no doubt about that. It was unanimous: People magazine should pick Edward as the sexiest man who is not really alive.
But why? We were clueless. Just clueless I tell you.
And so here I sit, thinking of Edward, a young man who does not really exist, and wondering, just wondering, if there’s a way to turn Mr. Strong and Silent into a vampire.
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Tags: marital advice, Marriage Advice, relationship advice, relationships advice, romance
November 14th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I think you hit on pretty much all of the reasons this fictional character has been embraced by women of all ages. Or more accurately, why women want to “embrace” him! Edward is sexy for all of those reasons. Stephanie Meyer, although not the greatest writer of our time, managed to wrap everything women want into one character. Well, almost everything… but that’s where Jacob fit in – the best friend, happy-go-lucky, dependable – you get the picture. The mixture was made even more potent because the author chose to leave out (or at least prolong) any actual sex. Women, for whom sexuality is very tied to emotion and not just a physical act, love that! Although a novel published for teens (notice, I didn’t say written – Ms. Meyers was probably writing her own fantasy as much as anything else), the book’s success among married women is not really a surprise. Married women, unlike teens, experience the ho-hum realities of relationships. Perhaps the fantasy is more fulfilling once you’ve lived with (and maybe even settled for) reality. Edward is sexy because he is ALL that we want and don’t (probably can’t) have, wrapped up in one… I mean four, page-turners.
November 18th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Well, it is hard to follow Nicelle’s comment with her very well thought out reasons. But, I really like your post and your style of writing. I came over from Under the Big Blue Sky and I’m glad to find you.
November 18th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I always love your posts.
I have been hearing so much about Twilight, thanks for explaining the phenon to me.
Guess I have to read it…
November 18th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
[...] 10. Project Happily Ever After tries to explain why we are all turning into piles of goo over a fictional character in Why I Wished I Married Edward The Vampire [...]
November 20th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Hello webmaster I like your post “Why I wish I’d married Edward the Vampire” so well that I like to ask you whether I should translate into German and linking back. Answer welcome. Greetings Schlauchboot
December 12th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
hey tell me about i gess i have to deal with being engaged to him! lol
December 15th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Are you kidding me?? You’re an international BLOGGER!! Someone is translating your words into a foreign language?? Well that just about takes the schnitzel if you ask me!!
Would it be Edvard the Wampire?? Please do not condemn me for that – I am SO not prejudice….I’m from Texas for Pete’s sake..y’all.
April 28th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Personally, I think Edward is creepy. He’s hot because he’s good looking. Change him into swampthing and he’s no longer hot.
but well, that ’s just me.
May 7th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Edward is hot because he incredibly, totally, irrevocably INTO Bella. He worships the ground she walks on. He will do anything for her.
Edward represents almost everywoman’s ideal both now and back when we were girls. He is Prince Charming.
Adult women, especially married women, have had enough experience (disillusionment) to know that Edwards don’t actually exist. But we still remember what it (young love) was like. To feel that heady thrilling surge of emotions/hormones and what it was like being punch-drunk in love. We still remember what it was like to kiss that cute boyfriend until your eyes would no longer focus, and the windows of his car were fogged over from the hot heavy breathing. We still remember what new love felt like before our prince turned into the toad.
We want to be the center of someone’s universe and someone to be the center of ours.
We still carry the girl that we used to be around in our head and she wants to feel all those things again.
Even if we have to read a teenager’s book to experience it again.