By David Schnarch PhD
Dr. Schnarch is brilliant. Parts of this book were definitely way over my head, such as the similarities between quantum physics and relationships. That said, other parts spoke to me in a deep way. Schnarch talks about differentiation, “the process by which we become more uniquely ourselves by maintaining ourselves in relationship with those we love.” It’s how you balance your drive for individuality with your drive for togetherness. This has often been a struggle for me. In relationships, I either stay too independent, so I have only a shallow connection with the other person. Or, I connect, and I lose myself. I listen to his music, for example, rather than my own. I’m still evolving, but Schnarch’s advice has helped me move closer to a middle ground, where I can balance both. Schnarch also promotes a technique he calls, “The relaxed hug.” My husband and I probably failed his version of hugging 101. I never did reach the state of profound calm Schnarch promised. Yet, he got us hugging again, and laughing again, too.
