Is it ever okay to withhold sex? Part 2

After I wrote Friday’s blog, I called my husband and scheduled an afternooner. I told him, “I’ll be on the phone at 3:30 p.m. and then I’m free after that. Can you come home and make love to me?” He said, “I’ll see what I can do.”

At 3:25 p.m. he was home. “You remember I have a call at 3:30 p.m., right?” I asked.

“Ye-ah,” he said in two syllables. He didn’t remember, but he’ll never admit it.

I made my call. Forty-five minutes later I was off the phone. I walked around the house in search of my husband. I found him in bed. He was asleep. I whispered, “Mark, are you asleep?” I heard, “Ummmmm” or something like that.

I was disappointed, but I also understood. I walked back to my computer and got some more work down. About a half hour later, I heard The Voice, “What the heck are you doing? Why didn’t you ever come into the bedroom? I’ve been waiting for you!”

I jumped. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I’ve been waiting for you all this time!”

He walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

I stood there. Now I was mad. I also was no longer in the mood. I knew he was asleep like I knew ice was cold.

I sat on the bed. I waited. I thought, “I’m not going to be able to get in the mood now!”

Then I thought, “If we don’t do this, I’m going to be irritated with him for a really long time and it will be at least a week before we have sex again. We’ll go right back to our old measly stats.”

My thoughts did very little to soothe me, but they did convince me to take off my pants. Mr. Strong and Silent walked into the bedroom and found me sitting in my T-shirt and panties.

“I thought you were asleep,” I said.

“I wasn’t,” he said. “I was waiting for you. I was in bed and I was naked and I was waiting for you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything when I asked you if you were asleep?” I asked.

“I did say something.”

“No, you didn’t. You groaned. You were asleep.”

I looked at him. He had bed head. I don’t know who he thought he was fooling. He was asleep.

He crawled onto the bed, belly down. He pointed to his back. He wanted a massage.

I thought, “You’re lucky I don’t decapitate you,” but I crawled onto his butt and started to rub his back. I stared at the wall. I thought, “I can’t love this man right now. I just can’t. This is expecting way too much of myself. I don’t care if it’s technically withholding. I don’t care if having sex was my idea. I can’t do this.”

I rolled off his back and sat on the bed. I said, “I can’t do this.”

“Do you want a rain check?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “I want you to tell me that you are sorry.”

“What am I sorry for?”

“For biting my head off. For using The Voice. You knew I would be on the phone. You fell asleep.

YOU

KNOW

YOU

FELL

ASLEEP.

You can stop pretending that you were awake. You’re never going to pull that one over on me. You were asleep. Did you really want me to wake you? You never want me to wake you.”

“Maybe I dozed off just a little. Yes, I wanted you to wake me.”

“But you are so grumpy. Can you see why I didn’t want to wake you? What reasonably mentally balanced person would want to wake up someone like you? It’s like walking into the lion cage at the zoo with filet mignon pinned to your clothes.”

“I’m sorry I was grumpy,” he said. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Oh alright. Let’s just see what happens,” I said. I took off my clothes.

He slowly moved his fingertips over my skin, circling my breasts, stroking my legs, and cupping my rear. I stared at the ceiling as he did this. I was thinking that I was going to call it quits at any moment. Then I felt something stirring in that you-know-where place. I closed my eyes. He continued to brush his fingers against my skin. Soon guttural sounds were coming from the back of my throat. Soon I was reciprocating, and soon I was feeling very happy that I hadn’t asked for a rain check.

Tagged as: Marriage Advice, relationship advice, Sex advice, withholding sex