Here are 12 surefire ways to get your turn on your inner love machine.
Do less. It’s really simple. We’re all doing too much, and most of it just doesn’t have to be done. Create downtime every evening. Literally find ways to make yourself bored. With boredom comes sexual interest.
Sleep more. Enough said. You just can’t feel sexy if you never quite feel awake.
Feel good about yourself. Exercise. Eat well. Take care of yourself. The better care you take of your body, the better you will feel about your body. The better you feel about your body, the sexier you’ll feel.
Read a dirty book. I bought some erotica about a year ago. I’m not going to write the title of the book because it would require me to flag this blog for “adult content.” All I can say is that I thought it was soooo beneath me. The writing was only slightly more elaborate than See Dick Run. I honestly thought I’d wasted my money until I got to the fourth paragraph and begged my husband to step out of the shower already. If you are too embarrassed to keep true erotica in your home (perhaps you suspect that the baby sitter peeks around a little too much), then any romance novel will do. For that matter, so will any book in the Twilight series.
Watch a sexy DVD. It doesn’t have to be official porn. Try 9 1/2 Weeks, Body Heat, Bull Durham, The Big Easy, The Postman Always Rings Twice, Basic Instinct. I could go on and on but, I’m thinking, you might have your own personal favorites.
Talk dirty. Lie in bed together. Cuddle. Take turns sharing your wildest sexual fantasies. Describe the scene with all of your senses: what you see, what you feel, what you taste, and so on.
Give each other a massage. Once you relax, you’ll get in the mood.
Lie on top of the sheets naked. Depending on the time of year and your level of privacy, open the window so you can feel a breeze on your skin. Close your eyes and relax (Don’t do the closing your eyes part, however, if you are so sleep deprived that you’ll end up falling asleep).
Spice it up. Part of the turn-off of long-term monogamy stems from monotony—doing the same old sexual routine every single time. He kisses you here. Then you touch him there. Point A goes into slot B. Oh, so been there, done that. Try new locations. For instance, try out all of the rooms of your house. Then move to the backyard. Try new positions. Try new outfits.
Try some give and take. If you’re not in the mood, spend some time pleasuring him. Chances are, by the time he’s done, you’ll want him to return the favor.
Use lube. Creating the illusion of feeling in the mood will often stimulate the mood. And forget the crap that’s sold at the convenience store. Use organic coconut oil. It works better than anything else.
Start with a toy. Give him your vibrator and see how well he uses this magic wand. Pretty soon you’ll be revved up and ready for the real thing.
TODAY’S PROJECT POINTERS
Break the initiation-turn-down cycle. The person who wants sex the least is the one who has the most power. The person who wants it the most has the least. If one of you initiates most of the time and the other says no most of the time, your relationship is out of balance. Create a more equal distribution of power by:
1. Agreeing on a sexual frequency that you can both live with. Twice a week. Once a week. Once a month. Compromise.
2. Then either schedule it, or have the person with the lower drive do the initiating. The only rule is that you HAVE to stick to the pre-determined level of frequency.
A professional journalist, Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, a memoir of how she saved her marriage, and coauthor of Pitch Perfect, a must-read if you've ever had a sense of dread tie up your insides before a speech, presentation, or conversation. If you enjoyed this post, you will no doubt love her updates on Facebook and Twitter.